Ever used prose to fight your enemies?

[ChronoGrl]

At my previous job, I used to fantasize about a zombie invasion breaking out at work and who I would want to save and who I would watch die horribly at the hands of the flesh-eating horde.

The first thing to consider when fantasizing about a zombie outbreak is how, exactly, it would start. I remember that the first zombie I would see would be Vlad, a loud, rotund Ukrainian man who asked me out enough to lunch to make me think that he was hitting on me. Then again, I made enough "let's take vodka shots" comments to him, so that he probably thought that I was a lush, or, at a bare minimum, an easy lay.

Like most of the developers that I worked with, Vlad was generally unkempt, in jeans and a tee shirt, so I would imagine him stumbling into work but not exactly realizing that he had become one of the walking dead - Here I could conceivably slip in some kind of "dirty foreigner" joke of ironically bad taste and ignore the grumbling monstrosity for the time being.

The next thing that I would start thinking about is who I would watch die - At the time, my angst was mostly aimed at two people: My boss Todd and my frenemy Shannon, whose goal at work had suddenly become making my life miserable. She would constantly IM me short novels about her insipid melodramatic relationship with the manchild that she was dating (both of them being 40, I had very little patience for this whiney drivel), so of course I would imagine that, as the zombies started to take over the building, Shannon would stay behind, trying to connect with Sam, who, of course is seen leaving with the first group of runaways to successfully extricate themselves from the premises.

Later on, when she predictably became a zombie, I would imagine taking one of my pens (the Pilot G2 gel pen - blue) and using it to gouge out her eyes and force feed her the goldfish of one of our coworkers (did I mention that she was a vegetarian)?

Unfortunately, I would get stuck when it came to fantasizing about slaughtering my zombie-fied boss because at that point I started thinking that I was some kind of sociopath and that if I actually wrote any of this down, I would not only be fired but quite possibly incarcerated for assault.

Which then, of course made me wonder what type of guts I actually have as a write...

And THEN that awful voice inside myself would say, "Well, you probably couldn't articulate it well enough anyway..."


SO

Here comes the crux of this thread - Have you ever used prose to fight your enemies? If so, share it here, however long or short... Do you feel comfortable doing so? As horror writers, how much truth to you pull to construct your victims? And if there is any at all, do you feel bad doing so?

[ChronoGrl]

Well, at a minimum, writing this down has been incredibly cathartic... In truth, I've had a couple of rough days at work and was about to send an incredibly angry text message to a coworker, but decided to write out a couple of my little zombie fantasies instead. I feel a LITTLE better.

...

I think that at my current job, probably the best weapon I'd have is my laptop - I could use it to bludgeon the heads of the walking dead... Though I think that I might experience a perverse joy of taking my stapler and stapling the nose of Chet, the fetid data analyst two cubes down...

Then again, he has a fish tank... Breaking said fish tank could possibly yield weapons in the shards of glass.

[TheWickerFan]

I can't write to save my life so I can't use that to work out tension. However, I'm 41 years old and can blame a hissy fit on approaching menopause; works every time!:D

[Doc Faustus]

I named a police officer in my next book who is simultaneously eating and having sex with a dead Furry hooker while shitting his pants after the asshat who voted down the funding for my much needed trip to Florence back in college because my girlfriend wouldn't have sex with him. I'm thinking of killing him in more stuff.

[Doc Faustus]

And here's a haiku:
Fuck you John Berry
I am a published author
And you fuck squirrels

[ChronoGrl]

NICE

I was hoping that you'd reply, Doc. After reading your graphic bizarro fiction (which is currently on sale at Amazon and worth every penny), I kinda wondered if you would party fantasize about doing those things to someone that you knew... Then again, of course that's assuming that YOU were the protagonist and not someone else... ;)

You know what I mean...


I had a day-long software release whereby I tried to explain my stress-releasing vehicle to a couple of my coworkers.

...

Note to self: Telling your coworkers that you fantasize about zombies overthrowing the workplace as a means of releasing stress and then ending it by saying, "Don't worry, I'd save you," may make them uncomfortable.

[cheebacheeba]

I don't use prose, I use ho's 'n pros on top o' phat flows, to fight my battle, like airgun to cattle, blowin' your mind'n watch ya mad death rattle.

[Doc Faustus]

That works pretty well. Especially supplemented with an aluminum bat.

[Roderick Usher]

I used to used the names of people I didn't like in my stories and screenplays regularly, but then realized I was potentially immortalizing someone who drove me mental.

Now I mock them by twisting names into parodies.

A former agent of my was dubbed Cokey McSnortfuck in a short of mine. Bad story. Good name.