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View Poll Results: You and the Movie
Loved the movie! 1 6.67%
Hated the movie! 4 26.67%
Haven't seen it yet. 8 53.33%
Will never watch it! 2 13.33%
Voters: 15. You may not vote on this poll

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  #1  
Old 12-14-2003, 08:00 PM
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Thumbs down House of the Dead

As I said in the theater at the end of the film: What the hell was that!!!

House of the Dead is a movie based on a popular Sega video game. With in the past 10 years or so, video game movies have become popular and adored by their fans. Street Fighter, Mortal Kombat, and Resident Evil have all done well with the fans and as it would seem, this is another one of those attempts. Saddly, it failed.

While no actors actually played major roles in this movie, we were graced with the appearance of Jürgen Prochnow. With over 90 movies with his name on them, I can't see why he would want to add this one to the list. The people in this film could not act for anything, and from the look of the movie, they didn't get paid anything.

While the cheese ball acting was definetly there, we were also blessed with bullet time special effects. Movie makers, please read the next sentence carefully: just because The Matrix made it big and had bullet time, that does not mean your film will. A good point was brought up about this as well. You saw these revolving shots of the combatants as they fired at the deadly zombies on an island Sega threw a rave part at (why?!?!), but in these shots they all had different weapons than what they were actually given. Speaking of the weapons, if you saw this thing, did you notice that when Officer Casper was asking if they knew how to use those weapons that she was holding a flare?

Through out the film, they decided to cut the scenes with flashes from the video game. Apparently, they were afraid that not very many people would realize that this came from a game, so they decided to cram it down our throats instead.

Intresting things happened in this film. The underwear model had a burnt face and was finished in undearware modeling (he must wear them on his head). The hero of the story was a woman who refused to believe it was the living dead but is the first to say "It's zombies plain and simple. We need to just accept it and deal with it." Also, her breasts seem to increase in size through out the movie. I swear she started out pretty much flat chested and ended up carrying around cantelopes by the end. Also, I don't remember seeing anyone reload their weapons during the big battle. This is a common mistake in a movie, but after somehow managing to take down an army of the living dead (quick moving living dead mind you), you'd think they would reload.

More events:

-Casper had her legs chopped off evenly.

-The guys in the chopper didn't know who the survivors were, but were there to rescue them.

-Somehow the living dead get stronger, as the blonde chick broke that guys neck easily.

-Somehow the guy in the tipped over Porta-John didn't hear his girlfriend screaming from 5 feet away.

-They had a well in the middle of a graveyard.

-Grenades were used to kill only one zombie at a time, and didn't do much more than about a dozen M-80 fire crackers.

-The final grenade however, suddenly had the force of a plasma bomb.

-The Asian girl was the only one who knew how to fight.

-The house suddenly multiplied in size once they were inside of it. It also had candles lit inside but no one ever explained why that is.

One last thing that bugged the crap out of me was the book. Alicia (the hero) picks up the book that turns out to be the ship ledger from the myth of why the island is the way it is. Her words were something along the lines of "Look, a book. Let's look at it and see if it can help us." Now, if this was not ripped out of a Scooby Doo episode, I don't know what is.

So, this movie totally bit. This is by far one of the absolute worst movies I have ever seen in my whole life. The people who made this movie should never be taken seriously ever again. I wouldn't be surprised if the same people that backed this movie were the ones that backed "Extreme Ops".
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  #2  
Old 12-15-2003, 10:51 AM
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Was it really that aweful? That's too bad. I think I will still watch it though. I just wont expect it to be anything too big. Bummer deal. :)
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Old 12-15-2003, 07:28 PM
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Quote:
Originally posted by Aasiyan
Was it really that aweful? That's too bad. I think I will still watch it though. I just wont expect it to be anything too big. Bummer deal. :)
Yeah, we specificly went to that movie because we thought it was going to be really good. The zombies were bad ass but the other actors were comical.
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Old 12-16-2003, 09:59 AM
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I loved it BECAUSE it was so terrible. My friends and I were in tears from laughing so hard. Check out my review:

http://www.horror.com/php/article-155-1.html
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Old 12-16-2003, 10:20 PM
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that was good :) I forgot about the flash back part...me and my cousin were watching this movie and yelling at the screen, even though there were several other people in the place as well...we could hear them making fun of it too lol

Long live MST3K!!!
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Old 12-17-2003, 08:37 AM
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Quote:
Originally posted by Dave
Long live MST3K!!!
No doubt...and this is the perfect movie for it.
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Old 12-17-2003, 01:21 PM
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If the actors are rediculously funny, I think it will be great to watch as a fun film and not a serious one.
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Old 12-18-2003, 08:55 AM
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Well see, from the previews it looked like a high paced action filled horror movie...instead it was a laugh inducing ride into Terrible Movie history. haha
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Old 12-18-2003, 09:21 AM
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Quote:
Originally posted by Dave
Well see, from the previews it looked like a high paced action filled horror movie...instead it was a laugh inducing ride into Terrible Movie history. haha
Agreed. I'm actually glad it turned out to be the latter though.:D
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Old 05-24-2004, 12:16 PM
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I thought I'd drop in to mention that this movie is no longer the worst movie I have ever seen. No, this movie is Oscar worthy compared to Torque, which is the biggest pile of dog shit ever recorded on film.
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