Short Story (1 of 3)

[Noah]

The Burn

I am surrounded by people, yet always alone. Drowning in my self afflicted
solitude. Do I dare try to climb out? Or just sink to the bottom, to the bottom
to darkness, to the darkness to death. Is there really a liberation in death? Is
there? Is there some glorious afterlife awaiting us all at the end of some
pearly gate. I spit on that. I curse that. I defy that. I live on in spite of
that. Death has no hold on me
take me please.
Death does not control my life.
Please im begging you.
Death only affects the weak
Don't leave me like this
Death is not the answer to an unsolvable question.
I want to be free.
Death carries no restraint on me
I just want to be free.
Death is not me.
I cannot take it anymore
Where in this world I lie awake, staring at the ceiling, as the walls come alive
and move closer to me, trying to keep in their prison of fear. I am afraid. I am
afraid of the walls. I am afraid of the darkness. But I stand in resistance. I
stand in the resolve that when I open my eyes all will be well.
And I close my eyes.
And I press them shut
And I hope against hope
And I pray against prayer
And I open my eyes
And the walls are gone.
And yet.....
And yet I look around
And yet the fear is still there
I cannot stand strong
And yet the walls ARE still moving
Tighter and tighter and tighter
Enclosing me
And I fall to my knees
And I look up to God
And I Scream
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And I close my eyes.
And I hold my legs
And I hope against Hope
And I pray against Prayer
And I open my eyes
And the walls are gone
And the fear is gone
And all is still wrong with the world
As I await for the walls to close again.
The world that ive succumbed to is not the world that I learned about. Bedtime
stories, fairy godparents, happily ever afters are replaced by serial rapists,
child molesters, and disillusioned dreams. The world promised to us. The
ultimate lie.
"Our children are the future"
So let us bind them, gag them, keep them quiet. Lets us give them guns and
preach hate, then act surprised when they shoot up a school. Lets make kids feel
like shit at home, and loved in a gang, and see our shocked expressions when
they are killed in a driveby during a turf war. Lets beat their future, reduce
them to nothing, strip away their innocence, kill their faith, and set them
loose in the world.
Fuck you.
Fuck your ideals
Fuck your hypocracy
Lets watch what you have released into Your own world.
Lets see your master plan God.
Lets see what you have up your sleeves.
Lets see your world in flames.
Here I am with the match.
There has to be a breaking point in the pain one man can endure. The irony is
knowing that it is there and yet never wanting to test the limits to find out.
Never wanting to know what will be the end of us, the end being something we
more or less just want to happen instead of constantly pushing the boundries to
find out what our own limitations are. I say push the boundries, find out what
will kill us and then go two steps farther, I have nothing to live for and
everything to die for. So I stand at the upheaval of my mind and my soul, at the
crossroads which my limitations will reach their peak and I wonder what will be
my downfall. My ego, my mind, my heart. And I push them all to their breaking
points.
Take me in the glory that is the burn
I want to die, I want to be free, the only thing that has eluded me.
I want to rot, six feet under, buried with my complications
I want to sleep, close my eyes, forever
I want to rest from this place where I cannot control
My eyes hurt from staying awake so long
They ache everytime I blink and I force them open again
I drift away into unconsciousness but am only met with fear and pain and anger
The past haunts us forever
Never letting us have a moment of peace, happiness fleeting, smiles disappear
but the scars of the past last forever.
Marking you as tainted, leaving you helpless, alone, scared, and shunned by God.
I cannot close my eyes, I cannot rest, I cannot sleep, I cannot die.
But I sit here on my knees, begging you. Put the gun to my head.
Against my temple, let me close my eyes, let me feel the metal against my skin
Let me know that its okay, that everything will be over soon
Let me smile one more time, for the first time, let me know that the end is here
Let me sigh a breathe of relief letting all my demons go. Let me sleep, let me
rest let me die
Pull the trigger.
*BANG*
Finally im free.
Am I sick? Deranged? Out of my mind? Possibly. No, completely. Why? Who knows,
who cares, who decides what shaped me, and what I survived. I have survived. I
have survived my life till my death, I have my survived my past to my present
and will bury my future 6 feet down. I know of my strengths, my weaknesses.
I know what will kill me.
Push me harder.
I know that I will fall.
Not right now.
I know that Im going to die
Take me
I know that someone can save me
I will destroy them
I know what a smile is
I look away
I know what my grave looks like
I'll take up the shovel
I know I what I can do to you
Pray to your God
I know what I will do to you
Fear my ambitions
I know what is going to happen
I have your shovel
I know your fear
Look into my eyes
I know your life
The eyes of a child
I know what you are capable of
I am not afraid
I know that you can hurt me
Kill me
I know that you can make me bleed
Leave me dead
I know that you can end me
Please free me
But it is not my time
The scars...
I have more work to do
Of the past...
I have my own life
Must be....
I will end yours for mine
Avenged
IS THIS WHAT YOU WANT GOD?! CAUSE HERE I AM! IM READY TO END THIS! YOU AND ME!
FORGET THE REST!!! FUCK THEM ALL! I WILL END THIS WORLD JUST TO SPITE WHAT YOU
ARE, WHAT YOU BELIEVE IN, WHAT YOU LOVE! JUST TO HURT YOU! JUST TO HURT YOU LIKE
YOU HURT ME! YOU GAVE ME THIS LIFE! YOU MADE ME BLEED! YOU MADE ME CRY!!! ITS
YOUR TURN!
Its your turn now....its your turn now...its your turn now.
Your ending, will give me strength. My brother, My friend. My heartless
slaughter. I burn, they burn, I bleed, they bleed, I live, they die. they don't
have the scars, they don't have the desire, they don't have the ambitions, they
don't have the life, they don't have the mind, they don't have the talent, they
don't have me, they can never have me, they will fall down down down down into
the void of blackness of blood, of death, of hatred, of fear. They will feel the
walls closing in. They can see the burn taking over. They will find out just
what it is that I really am. I am not a man, I am not a child, I am mearly a
personification of God's regrets, of his shame. He turned His back on me. And in
that action I will strike down all of his children that he loves so much. My
brother, my friend, their God. Their end. Their burn. I see only their world
that will be robbed of everything that they care about. your wife is not safe,
your child is not safe. The burn is all consuming, faceless, eating away at
everything and everyone. You are not safe. My brother, a man who I love more
than myself, will find his way down. I see only outlets for my rage, for my
obession, for my pain, for my grief. I see only redemption in their death, I see
only the spite of killing those in God's light. I see only your blood on my
hands, my face, my body. I feel only God's tears dropping on my face, washing me
in my own sin. Damning myself. Into the ground. BURY ME GOD PLEASE! I DON'T WANT
TO KILL MY BROTHER! I DON'T WANT TO KILL MY FRIEND! I DON'T WANT TO GIVE INTO
THE BURN....
I beg you, kill me. Because if you don't kill me. I will end you. If you
hesistate, I will destroy you. Do what you have to do, but don't second guess
yourself. My relief comes beneath the dirt. Prepare yourself for the worst.
Prepare your lives for the eventual. Im sorry. What I will do isn't about who
you are. Its about who I am, who I was, who I want to be, and what Ill do to
become something else. The burn is inside me, consuming me, Im sorry. Welcome to the burn. Welcome to the end.