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  #11  
Old 01-12-2015, 12:37 PM
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Jake.Ashworth Jake.Ashworth is offline
No Tears Please...
 
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: Wentzville, MO
Posts: 1,103
Chapter 3

Mother left making the arrangements for the memorial up to Jennifer. She told me that this didn’t feel right at all. I completely understood, other than the name on her paycheck she didn’t have any idea who my father was. I had no interest in helping. But somehow Jennifer pulled off an amazingly beautiful memorial and service. She spent all of three full days making phone calls and during that time I didn’t have any lessons. I considered it my bereavement break. She arranged a beautiful church for the memorial and managed to contact everyone on his friends’ lists as well as a lot of the clients that he cherished so much. I watched as she made phone call after phone call, the church, the pastor, flowers, a tombstone for the family plot even though there was nothing left to bury. She covered all of the bases and I sat with her to help with the time between phone calls. I tried to make her smile, I joked around and goofed off. It didn’t seem to help much and part of the way through day 2 she waved me away. I was a bit shocked, and kind of angry. I was trying to help her through this hard time, if she didn’t want me around she could go fuck herself. I grabbed my pellet gun from my room and my camo jacket. I was angry and wanted to kill something. I headed out to the woods and toward my fort.
I walked quietly through the woods hoping I would stumble across something that wasn’t expecting me. Thoughts of my Father kept shooting through my mind. I was lost in my head thinking about him and Jennifer and I had lost track of time. I looked ahead of myself and could see my fort sitting out in the small clearing. I must have been walking for half an hour but I couldn’t remember most of it. I thought for a quick second that I had noticed gaps like that before. Areas of time that it seemed just passed without me noticing them, but mid thought I got a really uneasy feeling. I stopped dead in my tracks and looked out across the clearing at my small fort, and I saw movement. I instantly got worried, somebody had found my hiding place. And somebody was trespassing. I crouched low and watched. Then in a blur a little body ran out of the fort, and then another. Coyotes! They must have smelled the blood. I was irate, I leveled my pellet gun and popped off a shot. I hit one of them in the hip and it yipped and ran off. The others followed right behind. I fought all of my urges to run to my fort and look at what kind of damage they caused, and I waited to make sure they were definitely gone.
I waited for fifteen minutes telling myself that I must have caught them before they got to my collection. Telling myself that I didn’t see one of them carry something off. Everything else had moved to the back of my mind and all I could think about was my friends. I started creeping slowly up on my fort, listening closely for any movement. After I was sure they were gone I broke into a sprint and ran all the way to the door. I sped around the corner and was shocked to see body parts and blood everywhere. They destroyed everything. They ate most of the flesh, the beautiful muscle, and the little heads. I was so angry, all I wanted was revenge. I left the mess and ran back to the house not stopping until I was bent over in front of the back door breathing so heavy I thought I might pass out. I composed myself enough to go inside and find Jennifer. She was sitting on the couch watching TV when I came in. I said “I think I’m going to camp out tonight.” She said “I’m not sure about that Michael, it’s chilly and I keep hearing coyotes out there at night.” “I’ll be safe, I just need to be out of the house and alone for a while. I promise I can take care of myself.” I told her. She agreed and I told her “Thank you.” And headed out. I stopped at the tool shed and grabbed a few things that I needed.
I decided I would set a trap for the coyotes, I wanted them to suffer. I went to the fort anticipating working most of the night. I dug a deep pit in the middle of my fort, using a small wheel barrow that I got from the tool shed to move the dirt out back. I kept digging until my hands hurt. I was filthy and sweating everywhere but when I finished I had a whole easily 6 feet deep and narrow, only maybe 3 feet across. It took me a few tries to pull myself up out of it. But after I got out I moved the rest of the dirt around back, it was a huge pile. I was pretty proud of myself. I went back in and laid a large tarp across the hole, it nearly covered the entire floor of the fort. I covered it in a thin layer of dirt and took what was left of my collection and laid it all around the tarp. Hopefully that will catch one of the little shits that did this. As I was spreading the last of the dirt around and trying to make it as unnoticeable as possible I realized that it had gotten light outside. I had literally worked all the way through the night. Today was my father’s memorial service and I needed to get ready. I took one last look at my work, assured myself that it was perfect, and headed back to the house.
When I got back to the house, I put all of the tools back in the shed so that the landscaper wouldn’t miss them when he came later in the week. I went inside and up the back stairs to my bedroom. I thought briefly about stopping in the storage closet but decided that it was not the right time. My bedroom was full of sunshine seeping in through the huge windows. Although a somewhat traumatic couple of days, right now, I feel pretty good. I was exhausted and filthy, but more clear headed than I had been sense the last time I peeled the skin off of a field mouse. I had hope, hope that by tomorrow this memorial would be behind me and I would have a new toy to play with. I went in to take a shower and freshen up, I had to look sharp for the service.
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  #12  
Old 01-16-2015, 09:09 AM
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Jake.Ashworth Jake.Ashworth is offline
No Tears Please...
 
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: Wentzville, MO
Posts: 1,103
Chapter 4
After my shower I splashed on some cologne and put on the suit that Jennifer had laid out for me. She was great at picking just the right outfit. I was in an all-black sport coat and black pants with a dark blue button down and a white tie. I slipped my rabbits foot over my neck and tucked it inside of the shirt. It looked great all put together. I had almost forgotten how good I looked when I cleaned up and put on clothes meant to be seen in public. Just then it hit me, there are going to be a lot of people at this thing. I haven’t been in a crowd in years, hell I wouldn’t even go to the grocery store. My heart started racing, I started sweating, and the room started spinning and then, nothing.
As my eyes opened I could see Jennifer’s face and a lot of light. I tried to sit up, but my head throbbed. I had passed out. Jennifer was helping me to my bed. She said “Michael, thank god you’re ok. I was so worried.” She cupped my face with her hand and sighed. I started to tell her that I loved her but caught myself before the words came out. Through all of the craziness she has been the one constant in my life for the last few years. There was a lot I wanted to say to her, but instead I just grumbled “I’m ok, what happened?” She said “I was in my room getting ready when I heard a loud bang from in here. I got here as fast as I could.” I thanked her and hugged her. She helped me to my feet. I was still a bit unsteady, but I was starting to feel better.
After brushing off my suit and making sure I looked my best, we headed downstairs. We walked down the hall, Jennifer slightly ahead of me and I made note of how incredible she looked in her brilliant dark green dress. After admiring the way her body moved as we walked down the hall I spoke up. “Jennifer…” She stopped and turned around. I asked “Why aren’t you wearing black? I mean it’s a funeral and I thought that was what you were supposed to do.” She smiled a little and replied “I know you’re supposed to, but I prefer to treat funerals like a celebration of a person’s life. I know I didn’t know your father, but from what I have heard he was a good man.” I shifted my eyes down and shook my head a little, “Let’s get downstairs, I’m sure mother is waiting.” During the rest of the walk down I thought about how incredibly upbeat she is and how much I wished I could look at the world through her eyes. I quick image flashed in front of my eyes, it was me in a dark room. I was sitting cross-legged in the center of the one light shining down from the ceiling and I was rolling a set of eyes around in my hand like baoding balls. I closed my eyes and shook my head back and forth and when I opened them I was standing outside in front of the car that mother had ordered. The driver was looking at me a little strange and holding the door open. My mother and Jennifer were already inside. I looked at the driver and could feel the anger radiating out of me at him. I think he felt it too because he changed his stance real quick. Straightened up, smiled and didn’t look into my eyes the rest of the day. I walked by him and stepped into the car. I could see my mother looking out the window on her side and could barely hear Jennifer trying to talk to her to no avail. The door slammed shut, the driver went around to his side of the car and got in. I watched as his face disappeared behind the rising divider between us and him. I felt like he was relieved.
The car drove down our long driveway silently. When we approached the great iron gates that kept the outside world away the car slowed slightly. The gates swung open automatically and closed behind us after we drove through. The car ride was a little weird. I was thinking deeply the entire time about all of the people I was getting ready to encounter and about how I was going to have to fake sadness all day. I would have to talk to these people who knew my father better than I ever had. I watched through the window as the trees of our forest slid by. I kept trying to see things in the branches, a face here, a cute little rabbit there. I watched as we drove out of the forest and I could see as we slowly approached Baltimore. The country melted away to the suburbs as the highway cruised by above them. Then the suburbs gave way to the outer city and the ghettos. I watched as people toiled away on the streets, as the drug addicts looked for their next fix and the prostitutes stood on the corners. Someday I felt like I could do some fantastic work in these streets. I thought about how most of these people wouldn’t be missed if they vanished, and the gears started turning. I think during this Jennifer tried to talk to mother some more and I believe she tried to talk to me as well, but I didn’t hear her or acknowledge her. I figured she would just brush it off as grief.
The rest of the way to the memorial was filled with me imagining all of the things that I could do out in the city. All of the different bodies that were moving around those streets and what they looked like from the inside. With a big deep breath and my eyes closed I could smell the blood, I could feel the slickness as it poured over my skin. Someday…
I felt the car come to a stop and the driver get out. I opened my eyes to the most beautiful old church, with huge stained glass windows and a giant bell tower. In my mind Quasimodo swung from tower to tower, watching the cars pull up and waiting for the appropriate time to strike the bells. I looked through the car window at the front of the church and all of the people walking around outside. There must have been a hundred just on the steps. They couldn’t all be here for the memorial could they? I looked at Jennifer and she said jokingly “Wow! There you are, I was starting to worry you slipped into a coma.” I smiled sarcastically at her and asked “Are all of these people here for dad?” “About four hundred if they all show up.” She said. I was shocked that my father knew so many people. I was more shocked that so many liked him enough to show up.
The driver popped the door open and stepped around behind it in order to give me room to get out. After I stepped out I turned around and offered my hand to Jennifer to help her out. Then my mother. As she came out she kissed me on the cheek and quietly thanked me. I could feel myself light up, I loved the affection. The whole time this was happening the driver kept his eyes straight ahead and didn’t look my way once. I love this sense of power.
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  #13  
Old 01-16-2015, 09:09 AM
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Jake.Ashworth Jake.Ashworth is offline
No Tears Please...
 
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: Wentzville, MO
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We stepped away and he closed the door, I walked up to him and handed him a hundred dollar bill. His jaw dropped open. I said “I like you, I don’t come to the city much, but I may need a discreet driver in the future. Would you be a discreet driver?” He looked at me shocked, you could tell he didn’t expect to hear such a thing from a young boy of ten. I said “Quick now! I have somewhere to be.” He shook off the look of shock, glanced at the hundred dollar bill in his hand and smiled, “I can be the most discreet person you have ever met. Questions aren’t part of my job.” I gave him a nod of agreement “Meet us back out here for the ride home at exactly 8 p.m. Not a minute later, and we may have business in the future.” With that he headed back around to the driver side.
During my exchange with the driver, mother had been trying to make her way through the crowd of people and their apologies. “I’m so sorry for your loss.” “Your husband was such a good man.” “I can’t believe he is gone.” All of the cliché bullshit that you hear at a funeral. I tried to remain as invisible as possible so that I didn’t have to fake my way through a conversation that I had no interest in being in. We slowly made our way up the stairs, mother in front, Jennifer and I side by side. I had a short daydream about this being our wedding and us getting ready to go inside. She looked amazing in her wedding dress and all of these people were piled around us taking pictures. Then I heard someone yell out my name. It pulled me out of my daydream in an instant and I was looking into the eyes of an older man of around 60. I took a deep breath and knew that I looked confused. The man said “Well of course you don’t recognize me. Im your uncle William. Your father’s brother.” I had no idea who this guy was, and I didn’t like how close he was to my face. His breath smelled like whisky and cigars. I put on a fake smile and hugged him. I could see Jennifer over his shoulder and gave her a little shrugging motion that I knew she would catch. She giggled silently. “It’s good to see you Uncle Will. I apologize but I am not sure if we have ever actually met.” He laughed so hard I thought he was going to pee on himself. Finally after his fit had subsided he said “Well you’re what, ten?” I said “Yes Sir.” I knew my manners. “I guess that means it’s been around eight years sense I saw you last, I don’t expect you to remember me.” Will said. I could see a real quick haze pass over his eyes, he swayed and started to stumble. My mother, who had been watching this exchange from just on the other side of him, reached out with incredible speed and steadied him. She leaned into him and whispered something I couldn’t hear. He smiled, said to her “You always were smart, I don’t know why me and you never…” She slapped him quick and his eyes shot open. He apologized and stumbled off to bother someone else.
We finally made it to the top of the stairs and the entrance to the church. I had been holding Jennifer’s hand and trying to make it seem like we were in deep conversation so that nobody would bother us. We were actually talking about who was going to win tonight’s hockey game, the Bruins or the Stars. We watched every Bruins game together. She glanced at her watch and said “Well we still have about thirty minutes until the memorial starts. Im going to take your mom in and get ready, why don’t you try to avoid the crowd and see if you can entertain yourself?” I agreed and watched as they disappeared behind the giant wooden doors of the church. I imagined it was a huge mouth with razor sharp teeth and a huge slimy tongue, swallowing them whole. That was worth a little laugh.
After they were inside and I was standing alone, but not alone on the front steps of this amazing building trying to figure out what to do. I started thinking about the people out there on the streets again. I could feel my feet start to move me down the stairs but it didn’t feel like I was in control. It felt like the city was calling to me. It was teeming with life and I could cure it of that. There was so much blood out there, coursing through the streets. I was just about to walk out into the street when someone I did recognize grabbed me by the shoulder spinning me around. It was a young boy, about my age. I tried to remember his name, “Timothy!” I shouted. He said “You damned near walked out into that street and got flattened.” That’s when I realized that I wasn’t still at the top of the steps. Timothy was one of my cousins, about the same age as me. I couldn’t remember how we are related, but I think it was on mother’s side. He started in with the “I’m so sorry.” BS. I stopped him and said “Look, I really didn’t know him all that well, and I am sad, but I’m ok.” Lying about being sad was easier than trying to explain why I hated the man. Timothy said “Boy, I’m sorry you didn’t know him that well. You wanna do somethin?” I sighed deeply and said “Thank God, I thought you were going to stay all sappy. Yes please, let’s find something to do.”
We started walking around the side of the massive stone building, chatting about what we have been up to and about the last time we had seen each other. Other than with Jennifer, this was the first time I had a decent conversation in years. It was kind of nice to be able to connect with a boy my age. I honestly thought I would never get the chance again. We followed the side of the building until it made a turn down an alley along the back of the church. I started down it, and Tim stopped. He said “I don’t know if my mom would be ok with me going down there.” I laughed a little and started in on him, “What are you, Chicken?” I started waving my arms and dancing around like a chicken. Tim huffed and started down the alley with me. He mumbled to me as we walked “I aint a chicken, you better watch yourself next time. Nobody calls me a chicken.”
We wondered down the alley. It wasn’t anything to special but to me it was a whole new world. I hadn’t been to the city in years and even then I was to young to remember any of it. We strolled by a couple of big dumpsters and a hobo sleeping in a box. He smelled like pee, and all I can think is “I bet he would thank me for running a blade across his neck.” We came to a little set of steps in the back of the church that led down into the ground with a guard rail around them. They led down to a little door that must go into the basement and the boiler room. I didn’t think a lot of it until I noticed a dog laying at the bottom of the steps. It looked really thin and barely alive. I pointed it out to Tim, the little guys tail was wagging and it tried to stand up but he was too weak and couldn’t. I asked Tim if he wanted to go down and see it. He looked a little nervous so I started to flap my arms and he said “Ok, fine, let’s go down and pet him.” In one quick movement I jumped over the little guard rail and started down the steps. Tim was a little slower and climbed through the guard rail behind me.
At the bottom of the steps the dog was rolled over on its back and it was wagging its little tail just as quick as it could. There wasn’t much down there, the dog, a
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  #14  
Old 01-16-2015, 09:10 AM
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Jake.Ashworth Jake.Ashworth is offline
No Tears Please...
 
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: Wentzville, MO
Posts: 1,103
drain, a small metal pipe probably for propping the door open. We sat down there for a minute and petted him. Tim said “We should bring him back some food after the service.” I agreed but thought to myself “I don’t know if he will make it that long.” Tim looked down at his watch and let out a little yelp, “The service starts in 3 minutes, we better get back. My mom will be so mad if I walk into that church in the middle of prayer.” Tim ran off yelling back to me “You coming?” I said “Yeah, go on, I’ll be there in a minute.” After Tim climbed back through the rail and I could hear his running feet fade out, I reached back down and petted the little dog again. I said “Don’t worry, just relax.” My hand wrapped around the little section of pipe and I raised it above my head. Just as I was about the slam it into the dogs head, I realized that I can’t get these clothes bloody. I slowly lowered the pipe back down to my side. I had another idea. I placed the end of the pipe inside of the little dog’s ear. With one swift motion I drove it downward and into the mutts head. I could feel the serenity wash over me as I felt the bones in its skull crack under the pressure. He let out a tiny little yipe and was gone. I shivered from head to toe with excitement. My whole body felt alive. I swear I could smell its life leaving its buddy. I pulled the pipe back out, and examined the end of it. It had little pieces of broken bone and what I guessed was brain stuck to it. I put my nose up to it and sniffed. Ohhhh the blood… It smelled so good and so fresh. I ran my fingers over the end of the pipe and then sat it back in the corner. In somewhat of a state of euphoria I climbed the stairs and wondered back down the alley. The hobo still slept in his box and the city went on all around me, but I didn’t notice any of it. I snuck into the service slowly and quietly and sat in the very last pew. There were so many people here but I didn’t hear a single one of them speak, I didn’t even notice when my mother got up to talk. I think there may have even been a short video. I just kept sitting there, circling my thumb and forefinger and feeling the slick, life giving substance on my skin. At my fathers memorial, I don’t think I thought about him once.
A hour or two later I vaguely recall noticing everyone starting to stand up and shake hands. It clicked to me that the memorial was over and we could finally go home. By this time the blood on my fingers had dried and then flaked off and I was just riding the high from the day. I stepped out of the pew and started heading out of the building. I was stopped by a couple of people on the way but I just walked by them and really didn’t notice them. Looking off of the top of the steps, waiting for Jennifer and mother to come out of the church, I saw our car pull up. I took a quick look at my watch and noted that it was 7:57. Very prompt, that’s perfect. I will collect his card when we get back to the house. Just then Jennifer and mother stepped through the door. The look on Jennifers face screamed “I am completely over this.” I could understand.
We headed down to the car together but in complete silence. The people who came to pay their respects to father had mostly scrambled off as soon as the service was over. The couple of people that that remained at the church looked like they may be networking. That made me slightly sick and I thought that someday maybe I would be able to free some of those people from their inhabitions as well. The driver was standing at the car with the door wide open. I helped mother and Jennifer into the car and through a little salute to the driver noting his good work. He closed the door and we were off.
The city was much prettier at night all lit up. Unfortunately I couldn’t enjoy it, all I could think about was the cracking sound that skull made. I closed my eyes hoping Jennifer would think that I was sleeping. Instead I was thinking about how funny it would have been if Tim had tried to sneak some food back there for the little guy and found him in a bloody heap on the ground. I chuckled out loud and looked over toward Jennifer. She said “Whats so funny?” I thought quick and told her “Oh just a joke Tim told me before we went into the church, Ill have to tell you some time.” I rested my head back against the glass and this time I did drift off into sleep.
The next time I opened my eyes we were pulling up in front of our house. I slept the whole drive. I rubbed my eyes and tried to shake off some of the sleapiness. The door swung open and I stepped out. This time I didn’t help Jennifer or mother out of the car, I was exhausted and didn’t even think about it. I watched as mother headed inside arm in arm with Jennifer. No doubt she would be heading to her room, and I really wasn’t sure when the next time I would see her was going to be. I walked back over to the driver and simply said “You did an excellent job tonight. Expect a phone call from me, it may be this week, it may be next year. No matter when, be prepared to come when you are needed.” He thanked me and went on his way.
Just as I had thought, mother went to her room and Jennifer was already in hers getting ready for bed. I headed straight to my room, to tired to even try to watch Jennifer strip down. I opened my door and pulled off the ridiculous outfit. I dug pajamas out of my walk in closet and threw them on. I couldn’t think of anything but getting to bed. I laid down and started to doze off. The last few thoughts that went through my mind before wonderful sleep were these. I remember hearing that while you sleep your brain chooses which memories are most important and it stores them, I love that of everything that happened today I know my brain will retain the intense pleasure of what happened behind that church. I also remembered the trap I had set earlier that morning and I got incredibly excited. There is a chance that I will have a new toy to play with tomorrow. And lastly, an image of Tim coming around the corner of the guard rail with an arm full of food, all smiles, and seeing what I had done to the dog. The food falling out of his arms as his heart pounded and forced all of that warm blood through his veins. He would turn and run, never considering that I could have done it. I laughed as I faded away into sleep. Tomorrow was going to be fun.
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  #15  
Old 01-19-2015, 02:20 PM
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Jake.Ashworth Jake.Ashworth is offline
No Tears Please...
 
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: Wentzville, MO
Posts: 1,103
Chapter 5
I woke up so excited I ran right passed Jennifer as she tried to offer me breakfast. Still pulling on my jacket a blur of thoughts about what I was going to do rushed through my mind. The day before at my father’s memorial, behind the church while waiting for the service to start I had a little bit of fun with a old dog, but that was nothing compared to what I had planned for that damn coyote. As I ran through the woods, not really paying attention to where I was going, I knew the way like it was programmed into me, I was so distracted by my intentions that I hadn’t noticed the sound of breaking twigs behind me. I saw the clearing coming up ahead of me and I slowed down a bit to steady myself and clear my mind. I wanted to be completely present when I got there. After I stopped and took a couple of deep breaths I heard, movement, behind me. I froze, my first thought that somehow the coyotes had found my trap and were lying in wait all night to ambush me. I could hear the steps approaching from behind and they were close. Almost terrified to turn around I knew I had to. I turned just my upper half at first to try to see what was behind me without making any noise. As I started to turn a bunch of leaves hit me in the face.
I screeched and started swinging my arms violently hoping that whatever was charging me could be warded off by my crazy flailing. As the leaves fell away I heard “Wow, I really got you with that one, are you ok?” It was Jennifer. Instantly a million thoughts hit me, how did I let her follow me, is she going to see the fort, will she ask to check it out, what will I tell her? She patted me on the shoulder and said “Did I scare the words out of your mouth? God I’m good.” I shook loose of her hand a shook my head hard in an attempt to bring myself back. I said “I knew you were back the whole time!” “Yeah right, I totally got you.” She replied. I could feel the flush coming over my face. I was so embarrassed. She said “You went out the door so quick and you looked so happy, I just had to see what was going on. I was right behind you the whole time but it was like you were in a trance.”
“Oh yeah, well I was, ummm….” I tried to respond to her unable to come up with a good answer. “Oh my god! Is that a cabin?” She exclaimed as she pushed pass me and entered the clearing. It took me a second to realize what was about to happen. When it finally dawned on me that she was going to discover what a strange little boy I was and she would probably leave forever. I panicked running after her. Just before she got to the little building I cut in front of her. “Stop!” I yelled. She said “Whats wrong? Am I not supposed to see it? Did you build it? Are you keeping dirty magazines or something in there, if so I have seen it all before, come on let me see.” I tried to come up with a reasonable excuse for her not to go inside, but before I could she was already standing in the doorway wide eyed.
I walked up behind her slowly, she turned around and looked at me. She said “It’s so cute, you made it?” I wasn’t sure what to say and walked by her inside. Surveying the situation I realized that the tarp was bundled up in the bottom of the hole and all of the little pieces of my critters were gone. The little bastard coyotes came back and ate the rest of the parts. One must have fallen into the trap but been able to climb out, I was going to have to figure that out. I turned and said “Yes, I built it from logs and tree limbs I found in the forest. This is where I come to get away from everything. I can play and not feel like that huge house is going to swallow me.” She was still looking around and said “It’s awesome, why haven’t you ever told me about it? I thought we talked about everything.” I said “I needed somewhere nobody would find me.” I noticed a squirrel head, a little rotted and starting to decompose, sticking out from under the table that I had been using to do most of my cutting. I told her “Look, I would really appreciate it if you never told anyone about this, and if you never came back out here. I need this place to be special and just mine.” She said “Well, its not as fun as I was hoping anyway, I was really looking forward to the dirty magazines.” She winked at me. I had walked over to the table and used the back of my foot to kick the head back under it further. She took a deep breath, sighed and said “Ok, I promise I wont come back out here, come one lets go have breakfast.” I followed her out of my fort and we walked back to the house talking about the memorial service and effectively changing the subject.
We walked back into the house laughing and bumping into eachother. The house was silent, like usual. A small part of me still expect to come in the door and find mother cleaning or sitting in her library reading. But she was in her room, as she always was. It didn’t affect me anymore, I just noted it everytime. Jennifer and I went into the kitchen. She asked “What do you want for breakfast?” I said “Hmmm, Prime Rib!” jokingly. She laughed and said “Eggs and bacon it is.” We continued to chat while she cooked. I was starting to think incredibly dirty thoughts about her. I pictured her dancing around the kitchen cooking breakfast completely nude. I snapped out of it as she sat the plate down in front of me, “Eat up.” She said. I waited for her to sit down next to me at the bar and we had breakfast together. Things felt pretty normal again, at least for now.

Last edited by Jake.Ashworth; 01-19-2015 at 02:21 PM. Reason: Added Chapter #
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Old 01-19-2015, 02:21 PM
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Jake.Ashworth Jake.Ashworth is offline
No Tears Please...
 
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: Wentzville, MO
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We spoke about father and the future over breakfast. She said “So things will be a little different now I guess.” I looked at her and said “I don’t think so, I mean I cant remember the last time he spent any real time here anyway.” She seemed a little taken aback and said “Well I guess your right but I think we need to really talk about things, you need to deal with this and not just move past it.” I said “Fine, lets talk about it then.” She could tell I wasn’t really interested and said “I tell you what, lets do your lessons for the day and we can talk about things tonight over dinner, Ill make something special for us and we can sit at the table and hash it out.” as she picked up my plate and hers, and took them to the sink to rinse them off before putting them in the dishwasher.
After lunch we had my lessons. She was such a great teacher. I loved learning from her so much more than I ever enjoyed it at school. Not to mention it was fun to watch her write on the dry erase board, her ass was perfect. I spent the day taking in information with occasional breaks to day dream about running my hands through her hair. Finally when my lessons where done and I had taken in as much info as I could in a day, she collected my work and dismissed me.
I spent a little time thinking about how our talk was going to go. I needed to change the subject off of father as subtly as possible. I think I might try to tell her that I have fallen in love with her tonight. I decided to go back out to the fort and try to come up with a way to trap the coyotes. After gathering my coat and getting my shoes one I ventured out to the fort, stopping to grab the shovel from the tool shed. It was a little strange knowing that Jennifer knew where the fort was, it was also scary knowing that the next time I am entranced in my work she could just wonder in. I walked out of the woods into the clearing. I always felt a little more clear headed out here. My thought was that I would dig the hole a little deeper and find a way to make it more difficult to get out. I pulled the tarp out and inspected my hole, it wasn’t as deep as it seemed the other night when I was standing in the bottom of it covered in dirt and sweat. I had an idea, I laid the tarp out again, the same way as before, except this time I placed rocks around it that I had found out in the woods. My hope was that when something fell into the hole, the rocks would come crashing down on top of it and disable it. I needed to catch this thing, I needed to play.
After rearranging everything I realized that I didn’t have any bait. Without bait there is no way the coyote would return after having fallen into the trap once. I needed something bloody and appetizing. I walked around the forest looking for anything dead that may be of interest to the coyotes and I just couldn’t find anything. I was so disappointed, it seems the coyotes have been clearing out my critters. I felt this need come over me, and anger that these things where in my territory and taking my kills. Just then I had a thought, I bet there is meat in the house I can take.
I ran full speed toward the house. This was going to work perfectly. I crashed through the back door and into the kitchen. I thought to myself “Oh no, Jennifers in here.” As I waved to her. She said “Excited about dinner?” I sniffed the air and could smell the Prime rib cooking. “You got a Prime Rib? You’re the best!” I walked over to her and hugged her so that my face fell between her breasts. I could feel myself moving my head back and forth a bit, and I think she did too because she promptly pushed me away. She said “Dinner at nine, that’s two hours, be there or be sorry.” I said “Yes ma’am!” with a little salute. She giggled and went back to what she was doing. I walked over to our huge refrigerator and pretended I was grabbing a soda. I was actually getting one of the fresh steaks that we kept in the freezer. I slid it into the pocket of my jacket, grabbed a soda and walked out of the kitchen waving bye to Jennifer. She yelled behind me “Two hours!”
This meat should be perfect. Its very fresh and bloody. “I need this plan to work, I need to release some of this tension.” I said out loud to myself as I walked back to the fort. It was already dark outside and I had to light my lamp to see when I got inside. I dug the squirrel head out from under the table and tossed it into the air. I rolled it around in my hands and admired all of the intracasies of it and the rotting flesh. It really is beautiful. I sat the steak down in the middle of the tarp and took the squirrel head to the corner where my tool box is. I pulled a small length of rope out and weeded it through the hole in the back of its head where I had scooped out its little brain, and out one of the eyes. I secured it to the sticks on the ceiling, out of reach of any intruders, so that I could make sure it would always be there for me. After I felt comfortable that everything was going to work out at the fort I started walking home. I still had about an hour so I took my time. I went a little out of my way to walk by the rock on the creek that me and Jennifer had our picnic on once. It brought back some beautiful memories. I strolled back to the house, replaced what I had taken from the tool shed and headed inside for dinner.
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  #17  
Old 01-20-2015, 02:08 PM
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Jake.Ashworth Jake.Ashworth is offline
No Tears Please...
 
Join Date: Dec 2014
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Just an update.

An update on the writing process. The book has gotten kind of crazy. Im loving it, it has taken some turns I wasn't expecting but it is coming together great. I think I might have some people following this, if so, thank you all. I hope your enjoying it. When I sit down to write it seems to flow out and Im not stopping it. After I have a finished first draft I will re read it and make any changes. I kind of wish I could get you guys to give me some feedback! but I understand. So yeah, bear with me through this and hopefully when its done you will all support me by buying a copy. I don't think it will be ready for that for a while, and I plan on giving you the whole thing for free right here until it comes out. So again, THANKS!
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  #18  
Old 01-23-2015, 05:56 AM
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Jake.Ashworth Jake.Ashworth is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: Wentzville, MO
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Chapter 6
The smells rushed over me as I walked through the kitchen, Jennifer was finishing up the rest of dinner. I waved as I walked by but she was too busy to respond. I walked through the house and looked at all of the pictures up on the walls. I’m not normally one for reminiscing but today I was feeling a little off. There were a lot of professional pictures of my father and my mother. Only one of all of us. We looked happy but I couldn’t remember taking the picture at all. It was so stuffy, no fun pictures. No pictures of family vacations or all of us at the beach playing. I walked slowly through the halls to the dining room. The dining room had four huge arched windows along one wall and the other had a large painting of the house and some of the surrounding land. I felt like I should feel regal walking through here, but I just felt like I didn’t fit in. The table was set and waiting for Jennifer and myself to sit down to eat. The salad was already out and soon the rest of the food would be on the table. I walked down and looked at the table. The two seats to the left and right of the head of the table had plates and utensils set. I thought for a second and decided it was time for me to sit at the head of the table. I moved my place setting and took my seat. I could imagine a room full of people sitting in front of a huge feast, laughing and telling stories. It’s too bad that will never happen. I chuckled a little as Jennifer walked in with the prime rib on a platter and went back to get the sides. It’s going to be an interesting night.
After everything was set and we had food on our plates, Jennifer sat down and tried to start the conversation. She tried with “So, what are you feeling, I mean about your father?” I said “Diving right in, huh?” She looked around at the room a little and blushed “I don’t know how to do this. I’m not normally one for talking about feelings.” She said as she cut into her meat. I replied “Then don’t, I will tell you a little bit about what I think, and then let’s talk about something else.” She nodded an Ok. “Well I really don’t know much about my father, he supported us, he is… er, was a great business man. People all over the world knew him better than I did. I don’t have a lot of feelings about it right now, because he was all but a stranger. I need you to understand that I am ok, and that I really don’t need to talk about it. Deal?” I could see her relax and she said “Understood and Deal” and reached across the gap between us to shake my hand. I grabbed hers and shook firmly. “Now, let’s eat this amazing food and talk about something else.” I said, “Like how the Bruins killed the Redwings last night?” she asked. I had totally forgotten about the game, I was so exhausted. “I can’t believe I missed it, I guess the memorial took more out of me than I thought.” She said “Tonight’s game should be good though, we are playing the Stars.” Excited I said “I forgot there was a game tonight too, we are going to watch it over desert I hope?” “Of course!” She said. We finished up our dinner, as we talked I reached out and touched her arm occasionally just trying to feel her soft skin under my fingers. When we were done she started to clear the table and I stopped her. I said “I’ve got this, you go turn on the game and get the room ready.” She smiled softly and left the room. I cleared the dishes and put them in the dishwasher.
When I got into the media room she had the lights turned down and the game was about to come on. I came with a big bowel of strawberries and a bowl of sugar to dip them in. I’m smooth sometimes, she had to sit next to me to get to the sugar. We joked around during the game and after we had finished the strawberries she cuddled up next to me complaining about being cold. I sat still for a minute, my heart racing. I was trying to think of the best way to do this. Finally, I just went for it.
I reached down and put my hand under her chin, slowly raising her face to look at me. She said “What’s up? I’m trying to watch the game.” I didn’t say a word, I leaned down and kissed her deeply. My tongue slid into her mouth and she kissed me back. It was absolutely perfect, exactly how I dreamed it. I ran my hand up her side and cupped one of her breasts. Then suddenly she pushed me away. She gasped and looked at me for a second and jumped up running out of the room. I tried to yell after her “Jennifer, wait…” But she was gone. I didn’t know what to think. The kiss was amazing, and she kissed me back so she definitely liked it. I was so confused that I didn’t even turn off the projector and just headed up to bed.
Lost in thought as I was walking by her room I could hear talking but couldn’t make out what she was saying. I slipped into the storage closet and moved the stack of boxes blocking my hole. I pushed my eye up against it and Jennifer’s room came into view. My eye darted back and forth trying to find her. I could still hear her voice, it sounded like she was sitting in the bathroom and talking to someone on the phone. She sounded, scared? Im not sure what’s going on but I decided I wasn’t going to find out this way. I covered the hole and left the room, being extra careful to close the door softly. I headed down to my room still lost in thought. When I went through the door I stood still for a second not sure what to do. I wasn’t tired, but I felt like I wanted to curl up in my bed. I had butterfly’s in my stomach making me feel sick. After dragging myself to my computer chair I flopped down. “She’s going to hate me forever, I ruined everything.” I said to myself. I just dazed off for a while.
I heard her door close, and footsteps. She was coming this way. I got up and shuffled over to my bed hoping she would come in and want to talk. I listened as she approached. I got more tense with every step she took. She was right in front of the door. I could imagine her hesitating and raising her hand to knock. Then I could hear her sigh and she started to walk back down the hall. About two minutes later I heard her door close. That was it for the night, I fell asleep shortly after trying to figure things out.
The next morning I got up like usual, got dressed and headed downstairs. Still a little foggy headed and full of sleep I wondered into the kitchen looking for breakfast. There was a plate on the bar with eggs and bacon and a glass of orange juice. Jennifer was nowhere to be seen. The food was fresh and still warm and I could smell her body wash in the air. I sat down at the bar and ate my food in silence, it was kind of earie. As I was eating my breakfast my mind kept drifting back to the night before and how perfect it was followed by how horrifically it ended. After my meal I got up and rinsed the dishes and loaded them into the dishwasher taking note that there was another plate and glass there as well. She didn’t want to eat with me. I started to wonder if she planned on doing our lessons today. I guess we will find out, I headed out of the kitchen and down the hall to the little study that we used as a classroom.
Jennifer was there writing on the dry erase board. She didn’t hear me come in and I snuck up behind her very quietly. When I got to my desk I picked up a book and slammed it down. It hit the table with a loud “THUD” She jumped and spun around holding her chest. I started laughing but she didn’t. She said sternly “Michael! That’s unacceptable! You scared me, now sit down and get out your notebook.” I was stunned by her brashness, that was our game, how could she get angry with me for playing. Hurt I sat down and took out my notebook. This was going to be a very long class day.
After we covered all of our subjects without any of our normal joking, she said thank you and headed out of the room. I couldn’t believe it, she wasn’t going to talk to me anymore, I really did ruin everything. My mind started spinning, my heart was beating out of my chest, and I thought I was going to pass out again. I took some very deep, calming breaths hoping that would bring me down off of the ledge. But as I came down, I grew more and more angry. Was she actually rejecting me? After all of the fun we had how could she possibly just cut me out of her life? My vision started to fade over, my breathing became very deep and all I could think was how I needed to hurt something, now. A slew of images shot through my mind, images of Jennifer naked and of peeling the skin off of a small animal. I could feel the blood on my skin and smell its coppery essence in my nose.
When I started to come out of the haze I was standing outside of the fort with my jacket on. I didn’t remember leaving the house or walking through the woods, but there I was. My legs started moving but it didn’t feel like I was doing it. I could see everything but it felt like somebody else was in my body. I watched as I moved around the front of the shed and walked in through the door. The tarp was pulled back down into the hole but this time I could hear something moving around down there. I started to get really excited. Still just watching myself move through the fort with intent, like I had some sort of plan, I was thinking about how awesome it was to have a new toy to play with. I pulled the toolbox out and opened it up. Surveying the instruments inside I nodded my head, this should be perfect I thought. A little shiver went up my spine, “I felt that!” I tried to regain control but I couldn’t, it looks like I was just there for the ride.
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  #19  
Old 01-23-2015, 05:59 AM
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Jake.Ashworth Jake.Ashworth is offline
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Walking back outside, I was trying to find a way to immobilize the beast so that I could get him out without getting bit. I found some pretty big rocks and thought that I could drop them on it and hopefully knock it out. I gathered up a few pretty heavy rocks and brought them in to the fort. I set them down right next to the hole and finally peek over the edge to see what I caught. I wanted it to be the coyote but I didn’t care if it was something else. I just wanted to play with something. The hole was full of the tarp and pacing back and forth on top of it was a coyote. I was elated. It looked at me angrily, spit dripped from the side of it mouth and it growled up at me. It didn’t like me at all. I smiled at the beast, just then it jumped. It came about a foot out of the hole and tried to grab at the edge with its paws. It flailed for a second but the dirt gave away and it slid back down into the hole. From the look of the edge of the hole it had tried this a few times. I heard myself laugh out loud at the creature. It was going to be a great day.
I inspected my assortment of rocks, listening to the beast below snarl and growl at me. I decided to go with the smallest of the rocks because it had some good sharp corners on it. I didn’t want to kill the thing, I just wanted it unconscious. I lifted it above my head and timed it, I could feel my body making small adjustments waiting for just the right time to let go. Then I watched from inside my head as I slammed the rock down. It flew through the air and crashed into the head of the thing. It made a little yipping sound and fell to the ground. I watched it writhe around a bit and then slowly get back to its feet. It had a pretty big gash on its head and blood matted the fur around it. I felt my body tense up when I saw the blood and at that moment I couldn’t wait any longer. I grabbed the largest rock, it was heavy and porous, I shouldn’t have been able to lift it but I got it above my head and aimed. I tossed it down and watched as it smashed into the coyote. This time there was no sound. The thing collapsed and didn’t move at all. Worried it was dead already I hoped down into the pit with no regard whatsoever.
Putting my hand on its side I could feel its body still moving from its breath, what a relief. I would have been very upset if it was already gone. It was bleeding badly and I resisted the urge to pay with the wound. I wrapped it up in the tarp and figure I could heave it out with it. I clambered back out of the hole and reached down to grab the bundled ends of the tarp. I pulled hard just realizing how heavy the thing was. After about ten minutes of struggling with the tarp I felt the weight ease off as the body rolled over the edge of the hole. Now I had to come up with some way to make sure the thing couldn’t move while I was having my fun.
I unwrapped it from the tarp and drug it to the table. I laid the tarp over the table and made a floor out of it some four feet around the table. I then drug the heavy thing over and wrestled it up onto the table. I considered breaking all of its legs to keep it stationary but I wasn’t sure how much pain it would take before it woke up and came at me. After thinking hard about what to do I decided that I should just take its life before it woke up, it would be the safest way but completely unsatisfying. One of the best parts was watching the life drain out of its eyes. I was lost in thought and didn’t notice that its tail had started to twitch. I went to pull my pocket knife out of my pocket, we have had some good times me and that knife. As I was fumbled in my pocket I felt an incredible pain shoot through my arm. I screamed and my head jerked to look at the coyote biting down on my wrist. I tried to struggle but the more I pulled back the harder it bit into my arm. A million thoughts rushed through my mind. I could see the points where its teeth sank into my arm, I could see my flesh tearing, I could smell its breath and the look in its eyes was terrifying. Blood and spit rolled around my wrist and dripped onto the table. It was trying to get to its feet, why didn’t I break them? I reached down to my side and found one of the rocks. With one swift motion I swung the rock around and made contact with the top of the coyotes head. I watched in almost slow motion as the rock came down on it, I saw its eyes close and it loosened its grip a bit but still latched on. I took another heavy swing, then another, I couldn’t stop. It had let go and I continued bashing its skull in. I watched as its eyes rolled up into its head and its skull fractured into tiny chunks. I was so filled with pure hatred and anger that I couldn’t stop. When I was finally done you couldn’t tell there was a head there anymore.
I stepped back and shook off the haze that had come over me. I was back in control and bleeding profusely from my arm. Though I could hardly feel it. The thing got out a lot easier than I had wanted. I was still holding the rock, covered in blood and dripping on the floor of my fort. I grabbed a roll of paper towels that I keep to clean up “messes”. I wrapped the towels around my arm and took some duct tape and tightened it around the towels. I still had work to do before I could go home and clean up, plus I wanted to wait until I knew everyone would be in bed so that I could take care of these clothes.
After making sure I wasn’t going to bleed through my makeshift bandages, I went back to the bloodied lump of fur on the table. It had bled a lot onto the table and the floor, it’s a good thing that I had covered everything with the tarp. I petted the little guy for a minute thinking about what I wanted to do with him. I started pulling the bone fragments out of his skull. I put a few of them in my pocket, I’ll find something to do with them. Then I had an idea. First, I wanted to see what his muscles looked like, he was the largest creature Ive gotten to play with so far and I wanted to enjoy it. I took my knife out and flipped it open. Its incredibly sharp, I did a lot of research online and I sharpen it every time I use it. I had become a lot better at removing the skin from things sense the bunny. I made cuts around its neck, each of the legs and its tail. One long cut down its mid-section from the neck to the tail I start pulling it apart at the middle using my knife to cut through all of the sinew. I’m trying hard to concentrate and stay present as long as I can, but after a few minutes of feeling the warm muscle and watching the blood pour out over my hands I got lost again. The feeling of perfection came and along with it the happiest I had been in weeks. I proceeded to forget about what had happened with Jennifer. The pain from the bite was gone. The dog behind the church was good, but this is amazing. It’s so beautiful.
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Old 01-23-2015, 06:02 AM
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Jake.Ashworth Jake.Ashworth is offline
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I finished peeling the skin off of the carcass and stood back for a second to admire it. The creature was perfect. It had so much muscle and was so strong. I went over and ran my fingers along its forelegs, over its side and down its rear legs. I loved the way it felt under my fingers, the muscles where slick and slimy but they were hard at the same time. I lowered my face to the body and smelled the raw flesh. It was a gamey sent, full of musk and hard odors. I loved it, I was tempted to taste it, but the little bit of rational thought I had left was worried about rabies. I rested my cheek on the still warm meat and rubbed it back and forth. I decided that I wanted to make an example of it. I cut into its chest and soaked my hands in its blood. After I was satisfied that I had enough all over me I went to the doorway and ran my blood covered hands and arms over the logs that made up the doorway. I think that will do as a warning.
My head was buzzing, the feeling of the blood all over my skin was the most amazing thing I could have ever wanted. I lifted my hands to my face and wiped them over it, rubbing the wet slimy blood all over until I was completely coated. A pleasure I had never felt before shot through my body like a jolt of electricity. There were vivid colors bursting in my vision. The feel, the smell, everything about this moment enveloped me. I took a long, deep breath and then, I was out.
My eyes opened, my vision completely blurry, I couldn’t quite make out where I was. As my senses started to come back to me I realized that I was standing in the shower. The last thing I remembered clearly was standing in the fort covered in blood. My heart was still pounding and I looked out of the shower and noticed bloody footprints on the bathroom floor. “Oh no, did I track blood through the entire house!?!” I hurried to scrub the blood off of my body, when I lifted my arm a pain shot through my body so hard I almost lost my footing. My eyes caught the makeshift bandage on my arm and the memories started flowing back to me. I pulled the duct tape loose carefully trying not to pull on the paper towels yet. My entire arm throbbed with pain. Every time it would throb little explosions of light, like fireworks would blur my vision. I got the duct tape off and started unwinding the towels. For every layer I took off the towels turned more and more red. I got to the last layer, it was stuck to the wounds, and there were a lot of them. I tried pulling it loose but the blood had dried and it felt like I was ripping my skin off. I clenched my teeth and put the arm into the warm water. It stung like nothing I had ever felt. It was amazing, I could remember getting bit but I don’t remember it hurting much at all at the time. The water soaked through the bandage and started to loosen it. The puddle at my feet was dark red. I watched the bandages fall away and examined the little tooth holes left by that damn coyote. There were eight on top and it looked like six on bottom. They were very deep and spread open. I rinsed them as thoroughly as I could stand. The pain finally started to subside, or I started to get used to it.
I stepped out of the shower and went to the medicine cabinet. Sifting through the band aids and tums I found what I was looking for. I collected gauze, Neosporin, and an ace bandage. Very carefully I bandaged up my wounds and swallowed a handful of ibuprofen. I looked over myself in the mirror trying to make sure that I didn’t miss any of the blood in my hair or on my chest. I caught my own eyes in the mirror and got right up against it. I looked different, something looked different. I shook off the weird feeling and as I did I remembered the footprints.
I was trying to piece together the puzzle that was that evening. My clothes and shoes are bundled up in the corner, I will have to remember to bag those and burn them. It’s funny, nobody ever notices that I buy a lot of new clothes for someone who doesn’t leave the house. I decided that I needed to trace my way back from my room to the front door and make sure that I didn’t leave anything behind.
It was dark outside but I had no clue what time it was. I flipped on my computer monitor and looked at the little clock. It said 4 am. Wow, this time I lost at least a few hours. What was I doing? I can’t remember anything past taking the skin off of the little bastard. Well at least nobody would be awake. I opened my door and walked out into the dark hallway. Paying close attention to the floor I walked very slowly down the hall. I didn’t see any blood on the floor at all, but I did come across a couple of bloody hand prints on the walls. I walked down the hall to the storage closet to grab some rags and cleaning chemicals. I looked through all of the stuff in there and found a couple of microfiber towels that nobody would miss and a spray bottle of some sort of lemony cleaner. I was just getting ready to go back out when I thought about the hole in the wall.
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