HDC Idol II 2011-2012

[ChronoGrl]

Tick tock, Mr V...

*Bond Villain Voice*

...

(also imagine me swinging a pocket watch menacingly)

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THE SECOND TEST OF HDC IDOL II - THE GOBLINS

Out of the 10 listed famous writers, choose a writer and a short story written by him/her of your choice, and turn it into a movie adaptation, making necessary script/screenplay changes so that the movie appeals to wider audiences worldwide:-

M.R. James, Ramsey Campbell, Ambrose Bierce, Algernon Blackwood, Robert E. Howard, Walter de la Mare, Sheridan Le Fanu, E. Nesbit, Henry James and Marjorie Bowen.


The Villain's entry -

I’ve decided to go with The Fearsome Touch of Death by Robert E. Howard. I’ve pretty much only loosely used this story as a basis for an idea I came up with while reading it. Sorry for the length but since it is almost completely different from the short story I felt that it was necessary plus I was trying to come up with enough details to fill in a whole movie.

A Night with a Corpse

Based on “The Fearsome Touch of Death” by Robert E. Howard

The movie starts with a young man named Fred and a young girl named Rose lying in bed together. They are talking about a trip that Fred is taking to reunite with some of his friends that he hasn’t seen in awhile. Rose wishes she could go with him but unfortunately she has to work. They talk about his friends and the good times he used to have with them in college especially his best friend Adam Stein. He talks about how he hasn’t seen them in so long and wishes she could come and meet them. She promises him that she will meet him there after work. The two then began to kiss and the scene fades to black as things go further. Later Rose is seeing him off and he gives her Adam’s number to reach him just in case he doesn’t have service or his phone dies. She wishes him off and he drives away.

Later as he is speeding down the road his phone rings. He quickly answers it and begins speaking to Adam. Fred tells him where he is and Adam warns him of a bad weather situation coming his way. But Fred is already late and is in a hurry but he tells him that he will be careful.

The movie skips forward to the storm. Rain is crashing down on Fred’s car to the point where he can barely see. Thunder and lightning crack off in the distance shaking his nerve. But Fred continues to drive quickly desperately wanting to reconnect with his friends that he hasn’t seen in awhile.

Suddenly his car starts to slide and Fred loses control. He begins freaking out while also trying to stop the car but it continues to slide wildly. Fred looks out his window and notices that he is heading right for a telephone pole but it is too late and his car slams hard into it.

Fred sits motionless in the car with a gash on his forehead that is bleeding. The wipers continue to move pointlessly against the windshield until finally the car dies killing the wipers along with it. Fred begins to stir suddenly and touches the wound on his head. He immediately recoils from the pain. He looks around wondering what is going on and then the memory returns to him. He breathes a sigh of relief that he is still alive and then tries to start his car but it won’t even turn over. Fred curses angrily and slams his fists on the steering wheel. This was a bad idea as Fred is still dizzy and the excursion of anger causes him to feel like he will pass out.

He tries his phone next but he doesn’t have any service and his battery is low. He swears again and lies his head down on the steering wheel. He wonders what he should do and then he notices a large house. He has crashed right in front of it. Hoping the occupants have a phone he decides it is his only option. Quickly he dashes out of the car through the pouring rain towards the house. He reaches the porch safe from the rain. He knocks on the door but no one answers. He knocks a few times more and then calls out but still there is no answer.

While he waits he looks over at his car and can barely see it through the rain. He can just make out the damages the crash has done. Suddenly he notices something else, there appears to be someone in his car. Fred isn’t sure but it definitely looks like someone is sitting still in the driver’s seat. He’s a little confused and to be honest spooked about it and decides to check it out. Just as he takes a step the front door slowly swings open with a high pitched squeak.

He looks back over his shoulder and sees the open door but no one to greet him behind it. He calls out to see if anyone is there but just as before he gets no answer. He looks back out at his car and lighting cracks nearby. Fred jumps at the suddenness of it and decides to forget all about the car. Quickly he enters the house and closes the door. There are no lights on pitching the house into darkness. The only lights he gets are from the windows nearby which only vaguely make out what stands before him.

There is a large staircase nearly in front of him and a room off to the right. Another room stands off to the left as well as one directly in front of him. The doors to the left and right are open but the one in front of him remains closed. Fred calls out and says he’s been in an accident. There is still no answer. He calls out again saying he needs to use the phone. No answer.

Deciding that the house is empty, Fred decides to search for a phone hoping that the darkness is from the storm and not from in-occupancy. He tries the door to the left but it is empty except for a few boxes. He finds the right one almost the same except for the large table that sits in the middle of the room. He guesses that it must be the dining room. An old piano covered in dust sits off to one corner.

Fred walks through the dining room to the next room and finds the kitchen. It is a complete mess. Old food, cans, pots, plates and other assorted items line the table, counters and even the sink. There is mold growing on almost everything. He checks quickly for a phone but finding none, he leaves the room and exits back to the foyer.

The emptiness of the house is starting to make him worried and as he climbs the staircase he mutters that the house is deserted and he’s not going to find a phone. Upstairs he finds a few bedrooms and a bathroom all in the same situation as the other rooms, empty and filled with boxes and mold. He yells out again hoping that someone, anyone will hear him but the only answer is a loud crack of thunder.

Fred realizes that he’s not going anywhere and enters one of the rooms. By this point it is so dark he can only just barely make out shapes in the rooms. In front of him, there seems to be a bed. He is tired and contemplates sleeping there but decides that it would be too strange and decides to rest on a wooden rocking chair that sits directly in front of the bed facing him.

He quickly falls asleep. Outside lightning strikes hard revealing that there is a lumped shape hidden under the sheet on the bed. Another strike shows a hand coming out from under the sheet. Another shows the hand reaching up and pulling the sheet down. The last strike shows the horrifically withered face of the dead old man that lies on the bed. He turns his head and stares at Fred sleeping in the chair. There are black holes where his eyes should be.

Suddenly Fred bursts awake unable to breathe. He begins coughing wildly and then begins sucking in air as if he was drowning. He knows that something in his dream had scared him very badly but he can’t remember what it is. Suddenly he notices the lumped shape on the bed. Carefully he gets up and walks over to it. The sheet is pulled all the way up and there seems to be something underneath. Breathing heavily and with eyes wide open, Fred pulls down the sheet underneath revealing the dead man. Fred gasps and he tumbles backwards in fright, he trips over the chair and lands hard on the ground.

Quickly he turns himself over and looks over at the bed. One of the old man’s arms has fallen to the side and dangles uselessly. Fred slowly gets up and makes his way back to the man. He takes a good look at him. He is very skinny, sickly so and his skin is so pale that it is almost translucent. He has long white unkempt hair and his fingernails are black. He is grateful that the eyes are closed.

Fred wonders what happened to the man and who left him that way. Certainly the old man hadn’t stripped himself naked and lied in the bed with the sheet pulled over his head waiting to die. Fred decides he really doesn’t want to know and decides to leave. Suddenly the old man’s eyes shoot open revealing the dark empty spaces underneath. Fred screams and runs out of the room almost tripping over the chair again. He dashes down the staircase and slips near the end and falls painfully to the ground. He spins back and looks upstairs hoping that the old man isn’t chasing him. There is no one there.

Fred picks himself up and runs to the door. He tries to open it but it won’t budge. We see a view from the door as Fred tries to pull it open. Blurry in the background the old man can be seen walking out of the room and descending down the steps. Fred hears something and we go to a close up of his face. He is breathing heavily and a drop of sweat rolls down his face. Quickly he turns around but there is nothing there.

He turns back to the door and is finally able to open it. He pulls it open and stares into the face of the old dead corpse that is now on the porch. Fred shrieks again and runs off. He runs back up the stairs and hides behind a row of boxes. Frantically he pulls out his phone and sees that his battery is almost dead. He dials 911 but before the call can be placed it goes dark.

(TBC...)

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As he is calling we can once again see the old man walking slowly down the hallway in the background. Fred stays behind the boxes for awhile trying to calm himself down until once again he thinks he hears the old man. He leaps up screaming leave me alone but the old man is gone again. Fred thinks that he is going crazy. He walks down the hall towards the stairs but gazes at the room where he found the old man’s body. He feels compelled to go in but desperately doesn’t want to. Finally he is able to pry himself away.

For awhile he tries to find a way out but without any luck. He finally decides to break a window but the only thing he remembers seeing that is heavy enough is the chair in the room where he first found the old man and he does not want to have to go back in there.

Unfortunately he decides that he has to. He slowly walks back upstairs. He hears a creaking noise before he enters and when he looks in he knows why. The old man is now sitting in the chair rocking back and forth. Fred shakes in fear unable to move. The old man suddenly stops leaving them in silence. Slowly he turns his head towards Fred staring at him with the large gaping holes where his eyes should be.

The old man suddenly begins screaming and Fred does the same. He runs away from the man and down the stairs again. He runs into the room on the left and hides again. He is so afraid he starts to cry. The old man enters the room but doesn’t seem to see Fred huddled in the corner behind the boxes and so he leaves. Fred stays there for awhile trying to get his phone to work. He talks to himself about Adam and his friends and about Rose.

Finally he gets up the nerve to leave the room. The front door is closed again and he tries to open it but it doesn’t budge. He punches the door and yells but quickly regrets it as he doesn’t want to warn the old man. He looks around but he is met with only silence. Suddenly he remembers the door by the staircase, the one directly in front of him when he first walked in. He hasn’t checked it yet.

Carefully he makes his way to the door and opens it. It leads down into a dark basement. He hopes that there is another way out down there or at least something he can use to break the windows. He walks down the stairs. As he reaches the room, the door behind him slams shut filling the room with darkness. Fred screams out from panic and breathes wildly. Shuffling and heavy breathing is all he hears for awhile until there is a click and a dim light appears. Fred has found a swinging light bulb hanging from the ceiling and pulled the string.

He grips above the bulb and tries to direct it around so he can see but he can’t really make anything out. His hand slips and he grabs the bulb burning his hand. He yelps in pain and the bulb swings away from him illuminating the figure of the old man on the other side of the room. Fred yells and falls to the ground. The bulb continues swinging first showing Fred scared on the ground, then the old man getting close and back and forth. Just as the old man is upon him, the light goes out and Fred screams.

The movie skips ahead to the next day. It is a beautiful day showing no signs of the storm from the night before. Rose is driving down the road. She looks worried. She picks up her phone and goes through her phone book. She finds Adam Stein’s number and calls it. Adam answers and Rose says who she is. She tells him that she hasn’t been able to get a hold of Fred. The scene switches to Adam who is also driving down the road. He tells Rose that he hasn’t been able to get a hold of him either and has gone looking for him. Adam tells her that Fred told him where he was last night and is searching for him.

The scene switches back to Rose and she says that she is on that road and very close to Adam. They agree to meet up and look for him together if one of them doesn’t find him first. Rose hangs up and continues down the road very upset. She is driving for awhile and then she comes around a turn and sees Fred’s totaled car. A young man who she can only guess is Adam is standing over it and looks upset. He sees her and more alarm shows on her face. Rose pulls over and jumps out of the car.

Adam yells her name to stop her and runs forward. Rose runs towards the car but Adam runs up and stops her from reaching it. She screams at him to let her go but Adam won’t and tells her she doesn’t want to see it. He says he sorry. The scene begins to move away from them towards the car as Rose asks him what he’s talking about. The camera gets to the driver’s side window and we see Fred’s mangled dead face lying against the steering wheel at the same time Adam tells her that he’s dead. Rose begins screaming and crying.

Off in the distance, you can catch the blurry image of a dead old man in one of the windows. It is something that you might miss. The screen fades to black and the movie ends.

Judge #1's verdict -

I give Villain a C+. Very well thought out. Definitely a movie I would see!

Judge #2's verdict -

Effort was put into this. It seems plenty cinematic in its telling. I can't say I'm especially impressed with this work, but work was certainly done. I would have liked to have seen more of your process on this. I don't know why you picked the story and to be honest don't remember this particular piece of fiction all that well.

I know there isn't anything in the assignment that says you must describe your process, but I don't know the why and wherefore about this piece, so can only give it a C, as there is nothing distinctly inferior in the work.

Judge #3's verdict -

Even if you based this on an old story by a classic writer, this film would not play well today, simply because the ending is clearly telegraphed from the very beginning. There are absolutely no surprises. Additionally, there's not enough here for a feature film. As written it would play, at the most, about an hour. Good for an anthology TV series, but not a complete feature.

Grade C-

Overall Grade - C

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Chronogrl's entry -

Chrono’s Answer – The Fall

This was a tough one – Many iconic authors to choose from. Ultimately I wanted to steer away from Ambrose Bierce, Algernon Blackwood, E. Nesbit, and Henry James specifically as I thought they might be the more “obvious” choices. Therefore the question was who do I want to choose?

I thought, What kind of movie do I want to see more of? Well, that answer was simple – Creepy slow-burner psycho-thriller; I honestly feel as though this is an underrepresented genre and I wanted to pick a story that focused on a character’s personal torment– I love movies that focus so closely on and through the character that you start to feel as they feel.

So, I turned to Ramsey Campbell, a modern master of the psychological thriller, and focused on his story “The Scar.”

Why? The story is simple, yet it offers an opportunity to take an average, struggling character, and put him in an absurd and horrifying situation – in my mind that is the core of a solid, unsettling film.

How? In conceiving this piece, I thought specifically of Black Swan and how Aronofsky artfully paints the tragic tale of a tortured heroine. The crux of the success results not only through film but through skillful sound direction that makes you feel as dizzily uncomfortable as the character Portman portrays. I had a similar experience when watching Punch Drunk Love – That was one of the first few raw character pieces where you felt what the main character felt, thanks to Paul Thomas Anderson’s weaving a dizzy combination of visual and sound effects.

I envision this movie to be in a similar style to the pieces above – Strictly first-person; not only will we follow Lindsay, but we will feel his self-consciousness, feel his paranoia and alienation – I want this movie to be a paranoid schizophrenic’s constant stream of consciousness – In particular, I’m thinking about how unsettled The Possession of David O’Reilly made me feel; closely following the unsettled and possibly unreliable narrator.

Who?

Cast of Characters

Lindsay: Lindsay is the intensely socially awkward and needy brother of Harriet and is in his 30s. Lindsay is lonely, alienated, and completely paranoid. Lindsay is the younger brother to Harriet, by about 10 years and clings to his sister and her children as his sole social interactions and the only people (he feels) cares about him – He desires so badly to somehow impress them, to gain their respect, to gain their thanks, but not in a malicious sense – He craves their praise and approval – He visits the family (Harriet and Jack Rossiter and their two children) once a week, on Wednesdays for dinner, and then goes to the pub around his house on Thursday nights with Jack. Lindsay looks forward all week to the Wednesday visits, but is incredibly self-conscious about his Thursday nights with Jack – He feels as though Jack makes this Thursday visit to satiate Harriet’s desire for her brother and husband to be close (Lindsay thinks Harriet pities him for not having any friends). Lindsay loves his sister, Harriet above all else.

As Harriet describes Lindsay to Jack in “Scar”: “You know I always had the best of everything and Lindsay never did – unhappy at school, always being put down by my father, never daring to open his mouth… He finds it difficult to talk to people…”

Lindsay is constantly caught in, and obsessed with, inaction – He sees violence happening around him and struggles with his inability to act. He sees Harriet’s perfect family and struggles with the inability to help, connect, or contribute to their family. He is obsessed with a book that he has read over and over again, The Fall, wherein “a man… whose friend is in danger from someone and he finds out – and he finally pulls this someone off a cliff and gets killed himself.” This scene – The scene of the friend pulling the victimizer off the cliff, is a scene/vision that Lindsay is obsessed with and constantly returns to. It is his symbol of his own vulnerability and his fear of acting as well as his desire to be a hero somewhere, in someone’s eyes.

Lindsay lives in Lower Brichester, the “seedier,” side of town and his apartment is a mess, something that he is profoundly self-conscious about and so never invites the Rossiters over. He has to walk through dirty, derelict streets and alleyways past an abandoned, broken house to get to the bus stop that he uses both to get to work (at the grocery store to bag groceries) and to get to the Rossiter’s house (to visit his family). Lindsay can also walk to the Rossiters’ house from his apartment, though it’s a significantly longer walk. Likewise, Jack or Harriet can walk from the Rossiters’ house to Lindsay’s, but would have to pass through dangerous streets and alleyways. The pub that Lindsay and Jack visit is within walking distance of Lindsay’s flat, through the seedy streets and passed the unsettling abandoned house.

Jack: Jack is Harriet’s husband of 15+ years. He is the well-to-do owner of a jewelry store, on the richer side of town, one which he inherited through his family. He is handsome, yet stern, and in his 40s. He’s loving, yet a no-nonsense sort of man, who seems to just tolerate Lindsay for the sake and love of Harriet. Jack is seen by Lindsay as an incredibly successful man, and the ideal husband, since to Lindsay, his sister’s life is the epitome of what is sacred and what he can never have. Jack is strained when near Lindsay, but does try to humor him for the sake of Harriet. Jack is very affectionate to Harriet and also very business-minded, his jewelry store being one of the prime concerns of his, after his wife and kids.

Harriet: Harriet is the beautiful 40-something sister of Lindsay and wife of Jack. She loves her brother Lindsay and worries about him, where he lives (constantly pleading with him to move), his lack of friends and social outlets. She is soft, though strong at the same time.

Douglas and Elaine: The Rossiter children, 8 and 10. They love their parents and Lindsay unconditionally.

Where?

Lower Brichester is the main location of the film, around Lindsay’s apartment. Incidentally, this is a common location that reappears in Campbell’s work and should serve as a pure metaphor of modern poverty and urban dereliction. Good description of Lower Brichester (taken from Wikipedia and Campbell’s "The Tugging") – While I have a clear vision of the city, I think that this description epitomizes what I’d want to capture on film:

The seedier side of town is known as Lower Brichester, a neighborhood described in "The Franklyn Paragraphs" as "the sort of miniature cosmopolis one finds in most major English towns: three-storey houses full of errant lodgers, curtains as varied as flags at a conference but more faded, the occasional smashed pane, the frequent furtive watchers." In "The Tugging", a tale with an apocalyptic theme, the neighbourhood is depicted as being in an advanced state of "dereliction":

Dogs scrabbled clattering in gouged shop-fronts, an uprooted streetlamp lay across a road, humped earth was scattered with disembowelled mattresses, their entrails fluttering feebly. He passed houses where one window was blinded with brick, the next still open and filmy with a drooping curtain.... (W)hole streets were derelict...gaping houses and uneven pavements.... Houses went by, shoulder to shoulder, ribs open to the sky, red-brick fronts revealing their jumble of shattered walls and staircases.

The observer finds himself sympathizing with the district's "abandonment, and indifference to time".

In particular, the location of the film revolves around Lindsay’s apartment, the bus stop, and the abandoned derelict building within view of the bus stop, which is one of the centers of Lindsay’s obsession.

What?

Themes

Alienation: The essence of Lindsay’s plight is alienation – He is alienated by society and feels even alienated by his own family. He is the symbol of the everyman who does not have a community to seek shelter in – and the communities that he sees are either violent, dangerous, and unsafe (Lower Brichester), or easily violated (the Rossiters). I find isolation and alienation to be a common theme amongst strong character pieces, and if done well it can truly strike a sympathetic and biting emotion with the viewer – I want the audience to feel this isolation and feel the uncertainty and fear that Lindsay has of his own corrupted surroundings.

Degradation of Urban Society: Lower Brichester is a frightening urban hole that houses the socially and financially bereft. This is a city outside of time, space, and even government, with either no police presence, or the presence of police that turns the other way. Lower Brichester represents the decay of urban society and how government/police ignore the crime and the corruption of the poor. This in itself is a single kind of horror – the idea that a community, a people can live without the protection of its state… As a result, the evil seeps out and starts to take over even the more affluent and supposedly protected parts (e.g. The Rossiters).

(TBC...)

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changes from the original story

“the scar” is a pretty short story, so i made quite a few changes/additions to flesh out the film:

1. The movie will be strictly lindsay-focused. In the book, the reader is present for jack’s mugging. Since i want the camera to follow lindsay around, this, instead, will appear off-screen, which hopefully will also build more mystery around the occurrence. I think that, in order to accomplish this, we will need a stream-of-consciousness voice over from the lindsay character almost constantly so that we can be just as trapped as he is in his confused, paranoid mind. When i think of voice over, i think particularly at the beginning of eternal sunshine of the spotless mind, the mumbling stream-of-consciousness of joel – muttering, mumbling, confused, and ultimately unhappy.

2. Building lindsay’s character – the story implies a lot of what i wrote out above about his character, so fleshing it out was necessary to create a truly colorful character piece. Also, while the book hints to lindsay’s obsession with his book (which i named the fall above; the book does not have a name in the story), so in the movie i imagine seeing him return to the cliff scene over and over again – in dreams and also in the movie’s intense moments. There are more obvious embellishments too, where i plan on “starting” the movie prior to where we come in on the story, in order to build lindsay’s character before he actually sees the scarred jack.

3. Absurdity – the story hints at certain elements of the absurd, but i would like to expand on them a bit more in the movie. In essence, i want lindsay to become not only a main character, but an unreliable narrator – while you feel his fear and uncertainty, i also want you to doubt what you see with your eyes… i want the audience to be uncomfortable and never feel quite safe because lindsay, himself, never feels quite safe – we are not entering into a safe place here, not in lower brichester, nor in the mind of lindsay. When i mention the “absurd,” i again think of how the possession of david o’reilly weaved the horror of david in with the almost absurd, yet believable visions of his monsters and demons – i want lindsay’s visions of the cliff, as well as the scarred jack to be on the line of the absurd – are we living in a world where these horrible things can honestly happen? Or is it all in his head?

4. The confrontation – in the story, when lindsay goes to the rossiters (after he has been asked not to), a man comes out of the house. I changed “the man” to a “policeman” to emphasize that no one is safe, even with the police. Also hopefully this will add to the absurdity (what world do we live in if the police will let something like this happen?). Also, in the story jack goes along with lindsay to the abandoned house at the end. In the adaptation, i add a chase, hopefully to add to the heightened confusion that lindsay feels.

plot summary

the movie opens in a dream sequence: A beautiful cliff’s edge, and a woman in flowing skirts held at gunpoint by a masked man. Lindsay run towards the man, catches him, and the two hurtle off the edge of the cliff. Lindsay wakes up panting in a sweat in his bedroom. There is a picture on the wall behind him of the same cliff we saw in his dream – the type of picture that appears to be torn out of a nature or natural geographic magazine and taped to the wall. The book the fall is open on lindsay’s chest. It’s worn from many readings. Lindsay’s bedroom is shabby – an alarm clock with the minute hand broken off. Above his desk is a cheap calendar with the days crossed off, with wednesdays and thursdays circled. We can see that it’s a wednesday. Next to the calendar are photographs taped on the wall with scotch tape – a few photographs of just harriet, a photograph of harriet and her two children, douglas and elaine, a photograph of harriet and jack on their wedding day, a creased photograph of harriet as a child of 12 holding lindsay as a baby.

Lindsay’s apartment is bare and disheveled. He eats a can of pasta for breakfast, pulls on a sweatshirt, and heads out to work. He walks down a few streets to the bus stop - lower brichester is as described above, but less threatening during the day. At the bus stop, lindsay fixates on a particular broken-down house while school girls start to congregate. While waiting for the bus, a teenager starts to harass the girls and lindsay stares, but is too scared to intervene.

We follow lindsay through his day – he takes the bus to a super market, where he bags groceries. Lindsay is clearly uncomfortable in his skin as customers interact with him. In the evening he takes the bus to the rossiter’s for his wednesday night dinner. Lindsay spends time with the children, reading them stories about knights in shining armor rescuing princesses. At dinner he tells jack and harriet about how, at the bus stop, school girls are getting harassed but there is no police presence to help them. Jack’s response is “well, lindsay, why don’t you step in?” which shames lindsay. Harriet goes upstairs to put the children in bed and jack joins her. Lindsay walks to the stairs to listen to their conversation – harriet chides jack for his comment to lindsay and jack says that lindsay complains too much about the violence in his area but doesn’t make the effort to move out. Lindsay is frustrated and wishes that he could somehow impress them and that they looked up to him instead of him looking up to them.

At the bus stop, waiting for the bus to take him home, lindsay is amongst a group of people, one of them a man with his hood covering his face, on the bus ride on the way home, lindsay thinks that the same man, with the hood, looks like jack, but with a scar on his face, from his cheek bone to his jawbone. Lindsay fixates on the man, and when they both get off at his bus stop, the man walks to the broken-down house, where he is greeted by another man with a grey mask covering his face, lindsay is horrified and paranoid and confused – it’s hard to tell if what he sees is actually happening or if it’s in his head. On the walk to his apartment, he thinks he sees the plaid skirt of one of the schoolgirls peeking out of a dumpster, but he hurries on.

The following evening, lindsay meets jack in the pub and tells him about how he thinks he saw a man that looks exactly like him, but with the scar on his face. Lindsay also says that the original german folklore concept of the “doppelganger,” if you saw someone who looked like you, that meant that you were going to die. The conversation becomes awkward and jack tries to laugh it off, but it’s obvious that he’s annoyed with lindsay’s choice in conversation.

On the way home, lindsay obsesses over the scarred man, worrying that something is going to happen to jack. He repeatedly asks himself, “who’s going to take care of the children if something happens?” at his bus stop, he focuses on the broken-down house, which has bags of garbage out front, but there is no one there. There’s the ominous sound of broken glass and the sound of a fight breaking out. Lindsay sees a police car that is idled, but there is no police presence.

That night, lindsay has the same cliff dream, except this time the masked man has a scar running from his cheek bone to his jawbone. Again, lindsay wakes up sweating.

The following day, lindsay receives a call from harriet. Jack’s jewelry shop was broken into over night. No one was hurt, though the display cases were broken and the police are investigating.

Lindsay’s next visit to the rossiters is tense – jack is upset about the jewelry break in and seems to have less patience than usual about conversation. Lindsay recommends that jack reads the fall to take his mind off of things, and describes the scene on the cliff. Jack dismisses it, saying that lindsay has recommended that story repeatedly and that nothing can take his mind off of the break-in. He says that the police are doing nothing about it. He is angry and storms upstairs. Harriet follows after him, lindsay overhears them talking through jack’s frustration and about how he doesn’t want to see lindsay for a while. Harriet of course presses him to keep their thursday night meeting at the pub to get jack’s mind off of the break in. Lindsay feels guilty and helpless. He’s frustrated and is convinced that it was the scarred man who broke into the shop. However, he does not think that the rossiters will believe him if he tells them about the scarred man. He knows that he told jack, but wonders if he should tell harriet about it – would she believe him? Harriet always believes him, but is this too much?

Upstairs, jack embraces harriet – he pulls her close and they kiss deeply. They hold each other and kiss, jack disrobes her and pulls her down to the bed, where they begin to make love. Suddenly, jack’s face becomes the angry face of the scarred man and harriet begins to scream. She screams as he forces himself upon her… and lindsay wakes up in a sweat. He’s in his room and is unsure how he got home. Wednesday is crossed off, so he must have gotten home somehow.

(tbc.....)

[_____V_____]

That night, Lindsay goes to the pub to meet Jack. He waits, but Jack never shows. He’s convinced that Jack is standing up because he’s upset with Lindsay. Lindsay walks home, passing girls yelling in the street at a group of policemen. There’s a police car with lights flashing and a crowd gathered that the police is trying to disperse. He thinks he sees the man with the grey mask pulling a trash bag into the abandoned house. Lindsay is panicking. When he gets home, he listens to his answering machine – There is a message from Harriet. Jack was mugged while on the way to meet Lindsay and is in the hospital. We have flashes of Lindsay’s mind where he plays over The Cliff Scene – Himself grabbing the Scarred Mask Man over the cliff.

Lindsay visits Jack and Harriet in the hospital – Jack’s face is bandaged and he is mumbling, under the influence of pain medication. Jack keeps repeating, “It’s not what he said he’d do to me… It’s what he said he’d do to Douglas and Elaine…” Harriet is, of course, worried and horrified, and Lindsay is panicked, thinking that this could have been avoided if he had just told them about The Scarred Man.

When Jack is finally home and the bandages are off, Jack has a fresh scar from his cheekbone to his jawbone. Lindsay is horrified and is convinced that the Scarred Man is going to kill Jack.

Lindsay continues his Wednesday night Family visits, and he sees a gradual change in Jack. The scar suddenly looks older, much older, and no longer fresh. Jack starts to act aggressively toward Harriet and refuses to see Lindsay on Thursday nights. Lindsay is scared for Harriet and, within his stream of consciousness rants, constantly asks himself, “Who’s going to take care of the children?”

One Monday night, Harriet surprises Lindsay by stopping by his place. He is self conscious and hesitant to let her in. She tells him that she’s starting to become afraid of Jack’s mood swings and she doesn’t think that Lindsay should visit any longer on Wednesday nights. This throws Lindsay into a fit, the thought of him not seeing Harriet ever again. He wrestles with telling Harriet about the Scarred Man, but doesn’t think that she’ll believe him.

Lindsay is tortured with the thought of not being able to see Harriet and the children every Wednesday. He keeps repeating to himself, “Who’s going to take care of the children?” He dreams of The Cliff – Grabbing the Masked Scarred Man and pulling him off of the cliff. That Wednesday, he puts a flashlight into his pocket and makes the trip to The Rossiters’ house. As he walks up the street, he sees a police car parked out front and he hears screams coming from the house, the sound of the children screaming. As Lindsay approaches the house, a policeman is walking out, adjusting his hat casually as screams still fill the ari. Lindsay asks the policeman what’s going on and the policeman says, “I stopped by The Rossiter’s to follow up with Mr. Rossiter about the break in at his story… The children started to claim that he was not their real father… So he disciplined them… Thank God there are still parents out there that know how to discipline their children…” The policeman tips his hat and gets into his car as Lindsay goes to the house in horror.

Jack meets Lindsay at the door and is furious that Lindsay has come by the house without their permission. He threatens Lindsay, telling him to leave – Lindsay resists and says that he absolutely has to see the children. Jack refuses, pushes Lindsay out of the house. Lindsay snaps and screams, tearing at Jack’s face. The scar starts to bleed. Lindsay turns to run and Jack takes chase.

Lindsay runs past the bus stop, through the streets and alleys of Lower Brichester. As he passes, he sees various horrors, such as a police officer raping a school girl. His vision blurs with the vision of The Cliff – Running toward the Masked Scarred Man. Eventually he gets to the steps of the abandoned house. Jack pulls Lindsay by the shirt and pushes him into the side of the house. Lindsay pleads, “I have one thing I have to show you before you do anything. Come in with me.” Jack lets him go and they enter the decrepit house – Lindsay pulls out his flashlight to light the way - The walls are full of what looks like bullet holes with mould. The smell is almost unbearable. Lindsay walks through the shattered living room to the kitchen, where there is a door to the basement. He opens the door and walks down the steps, slowly, his mind flashing with the vision of The Cliff, his breath fast and uneven. When he reaches the bottom, he sees a shape that he can barely make out, even with his torch, until he pulls the light switch… A naked Jack is lying on the floor, completely covered in red blood. The floor and the wall are also red. The Scarred Jack smiles evilly and says, “Did you find what you were looking for?” Lindsay takes the flashlight and hits The Scarred Jack in the face and flees up the stairs. He runs through the house, hearing the sound of an ambulance in the distance. His vision is cut by the vision of The Cliff. Finally, opening the door to leave the house, he is confronted by the Man with the Grey Mask. As a hand clamps over Lindsay’s mouth, we hear the Man in the Grey Mask say (in Lindsay’s voice) “Be still, now. Someone’s got to take care of the children.” Lindsay is hit in the head and everything goes black.

[END]

Recommended Cast/Crew

Director: Philip Ridley (The Passion of Darkly Noon, The Reflecting Skin) – I feel as though Ridley is capable of creating an intense psychological thriller and creating an atmosphere that is unsettling and also unreal.

Lindsay: Jim Sturgess (Heartless, Across the Universe) – With Heartless, Sturgess definitely proved that he is able to portray a broken everyman – I think that he will be able to reprise that role here in The Fall.

Jack/The Scarred Man: Sean Pertwee (Dog Soldiers, Mutant Chronicles) – For Jack, I wanted to find someone handsome, yet menacing, and also about 10-years older than Lindsay. Pertwee definitely fit the bill – I think that he can make the transition from Jack to The Scarred Man with art.

Harriet: Catherine McCormack (28 Weeks Later, Shadow of the Vampire) – For Harriet, I wanted a beauty who is in her 40s, strong and yet fragile.

Judge #1's verdict -

I give Chrono a B. She really did her homework, and I was completely engrossed in the story....I didn't want it to end!

Judge #2's verdict -

Campbell is a master and this is one of his best and most notorious stories. Your casting choices are good. Your use of the text is good. Your explanation of how, what, where and why are quite thorough. You make a point by point explanation regarding how to execute intimate literary horror on film. I'm not totally floored, but this is thorough work with a lot of thought behind it. You should be proud.

B

Judge #3's verdict -

You're attempting a very complex story here, and some equally complex ideas and themes, and I applaud you for that. Parts of the story get muddy for me, but I guess that would eventually get resolved. It reminds me a lot of Cronenberg's Spider. I would look to Spider as an example of a complex psychological character study with a convoluted plot, that manages everything brilliantly. Though Spider deals a lot with internal dialogue and memories, there's no narrator. Cronenberg manages to tell everything neccessary with images and dialogue. You mentioned you wanted to rely heavily on the main character narrating his thoughts. This can backfire in a film. I would urge you to find ways of conveying your ideas through the action and dialogue. There are a couple of things that kept nagging at me when I read the treatment. Lindsay seems to get left in his inlaw's house unattended a couple of times. Even if he's a relative, this seems a little odd. Particularly the second time- his sister and her husband go upstairs for an extended scene and leave Lindsay alone downstairs. And where are the kids during all this? For all the concern Lindsay has for the children, we hear precious little about them. As characters, they're woefully undeveloped. Still, you aimed high, so I grade you high.

B.

Overall Grade - B


(Note to Chrono - Boy, you used a lot of formatting in your entry! Hope I covered all of them adequately and didn't miss anything. :))

[ChronoGrl]

Judges - Thank you SO MUCH for taking the time to read my entry - It was really long-winded (once I started, I couldn't stop!), so I appreciate your time and consideration.

Judge #3 - I really appreciate your feedback - Totally get you with the voiceover; I struggled with it - Wasn't sure if it was a wise choice, though I just couldn't get Jim Carrey's mumbling voiceover out of my head from Eternal Sunshine - I really liked how that was executed... But, ultimately, I agree with you... I cite Black Swan, but Portman's performance warrants no voiceover, it's so incredibly strong... Plus OH MY GOD I CAN'T BELIEVE I FORGOT ABOUT SPIDER! That's a very apt comparison and - you're right - That style is close to what I'm trying to accomplish here with the Reality vs. Paranoid Narrator (and MAN - Ralph Finnes - What a performance!).

Re:

Lindsay seems to get left in his inlaw's house unattended a couple of times. Even if he's a relative, this seems a little odd. Particularly the second time- his sister and her husband go upstairs for an extended scene and leave Lindsay alone downstairs. And where are the kids during all this? For all the concern Lindsay has for the children, we hear precious little about them. As characters, they're woefully undeveloped.

I get the point about him being "left alone" - Didn't realize that it seemed as though that happened a lot, but I get the critique (and I can see myself getting annoyed with the same if I saw the movie - I guess he's supposed to be more sympathetic and less creepy)... For the second time they're left alone - That really manifested out of me kinda wanting to either have Lindsay watch his sister and Jack having sex or have a wet dream about it... but I didn't want him to seem TOO creepy, so I turned it into an odd dream sequence. Thanks for pointing that out.

In terms of the children - I like the idea of them being these all-important entities that are ultimately off-scene. That is how their presence is in the story, and I like them on the outskirts - It's more about Lindsay's obsession over them, and not necessarily their actual characters... Hope that makes sense. ;) I understand your critique, but just wanted to give the thought behind it - Their omission is purposeful because I wanted it to be more about Lindsay - I do think that they could be more present, though - Timing and pace is hard to convey in a treatment, so I think that they could be a lot more present toward the beginning of the movie.


V - Thanks for posting - I know my enhanced text can be a pain, but it looks perfect. ;)



Also - This challenge served as my introduction to Ramsey Campbell - I actually purchased his short story collection Alone with the Horrors: The Great Short Fiction of Ramsey Campbell 1961-1991 for the purpose of this challenge... I'm really looking forward to reading his other works - Thanks for bringing him to my attention!

[Straker]

Just wanted to say, I am loving reading peoples work. I think the time and effort you have all put in is amazing. I'm sure its not easy putting your ideas out there to be critiqued, even in an informal setting like HDC.

[The Villain]

Whew i was expecting worse from the judges. What everyone said i actually expected to hear. I had a lot of trouble with this challenge and didnt have much time to do it in. Hopefully ill do better with the next one.

[_____V_____]

THE SECOND TEST OF HDC IDOL II - THE OGRES

I am here to address the Ogres. Each one of you will be given a task which you have to perform to the best of your ability, wit and understanding , based upon the knowledge you have of the genre.

For this first task, the common theme I have chosen is - A TO Z STORY.

Here is your task, Ogres -

Write a short horror story in about 200 words, using words starting from A to Z in the story (at least once). Please note that no alphabet should be left out.

So Ogres - Despare, Roshiq, Zombieness, Leezuki and Horrorzack - put your thinking caps on and get creative.

Once you are finished, please PM your entry to me, or send it via email to [email protected]. Do NOT post your entry directly in this thread.

You all have 96 hours, starting from NOW! All the best!