Plz Read... i wrote it for lit...

[Posher778]

ok, its a teen slasher sort of thing, i had to write it for lit, but some people thought it was a pretty good story and idea. I had to take out some of the violence i wanted because its a high school paper and you no... teachers are nazis. but, i just thought maybe you guys would like to read it. Leave some comments about how you liked it... favorite parts too, etc... yes i no its kinda corny... but hey an escalade dies... cant go wrong with that!

"Chiller"


“That trip was so amazing!” said Jennifer from the back seat.
“I know right? I mean, how many teenagers get to take someone’s Escalade and travel all the way from Indiana to Cancun the day after they graduate? Logan, you have GOT to get this car from your dad alright?” Stanley exclaimed to Logan, who, unbeknownst to the rest of the teens in the car, had actually stolen the car from his father, with no intention of giving it back any time soon.
Logan had just turned eighteen and had taken the car so he and his three other friends, Amanda, Stanley, and Jennifer, could travel to Cancun for the first week of they’re summer holiday. Amanda was Logan’s girlfriend, while Stanley and Jennifer didn’t have a relationship like that. The four teens had been close friends for many years, and knew each other very well. These were your typical kids; foolhardy, and living they’re lives one day at a time, without a single care in the world.
“Logan, do you have any idea where we are?” asked a grumpy Amanda from under her breath. “We’ve been driving for hours and haven’t seen any road signs or gas stations, and I don’t think that this is the way we came down to Mexico in the first place…”
“Actually, I’m not sure anymore. Hey, why don’t you check the navigation system for me?”
“It’s been frozen for hours remember? Along with our cell phones, Stan’s pager, the radio, the DVD player, and everything else you could possibly name!”
Logan then replied, “Hey now I think I no where we are! Didn’t we pass a bridge in a place like this on the way down? Yeah, we’re back on track!”
“I don’t remember any bridge in an area like this…” said Jennifer suspiciously from the back seat. “Logan we should turn around and try to retrace our steps… there is nothing out here at all.”
Jennifer was correct of course, as there were no filling stations, stores, towns, or houses within at least 100 miles. The teens were on a two lane highway, completely deserted, in what they thought was somewhere near Texas. Turns out they were in the middle of absolutely nowhere, somewhere in Nebraska. Of course Logan, the typical male driver, would not turn around or even bother to listen to anyone else’s input on the situation, so he ignored Jenn completely and continued to drive toward the bridge.
Upon further approaching the bridge, Amanda saw a sign that said the bridge was out, and that they had to turn back. Jennifer however, noticed an old, dirty, rust covered detour sign that pointed to the left of the highway. After much arguing about whether to take this detour or not, they all decided that it had to come up to a town somewhere not to far away. So Logan turned sharply and the Escalade plummeted down a hill, on a slim, one lane road deep into the woods, to where none of them had ever suspected they would end up…
The hours dragged by, and no one could believe that any forest could have a one paved road this long through what seemed like fathomless woods. There was no where to turn around due to the thick brush, and they had already be driving for hours, having to stop once already to fill up the tank with some cans of gas that the friends packed, just in case. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, the car seemed to jolt out of the woods… into an endless lake of corn. The paved road ended, springing the four onto yet another, one laned dirt road. After more arguing over following the path, the teens became infuriated. What were they supposed to do? Logan finally took charge and hit the gas, starting to drive down the mysterious road into who knows where.
Another two hours passed, and everyone was at each other’s throats. Jennifer, apparently bored, decided to make fun of Logan’s bad driving, which made an already irritated teen go crazy. Logan floored it, pedal to the metal, causing the Escalade to go faster than 55 in a short time. Everyone was shouting for him to stop, because he was obviously losing his mind. Already approaching 70, on a dirty, bumpy road! The car was barely staying up on the sharp curves, now approaching 85 miles per hour! Amanda screamed for him to stop, and was even thinking of jumping from the car to save herself. Now at almost 100 mph, Stanley grabbed Logan’s arm, causing him to whirl around and shout in Stan’s face about being obnoxious.
“LOOK OUT LOGAN!!!” Amanda screamed.
But Logan turned around too late to see what lay in front of them, a large, deep ditch right in the middle of the road. Logan had no time to even think, let alone hit the brakes. The Escalade plummeted into the hole, shattering the windshield, then jumped back up, ramping out the other end, causing it to flip backwards in the air. It then landed on the front, and flipped forwards once again, landing hard upside down, shattering all the windows, but somehow sparing the teens…
As everyone crawled out of the car, Logan begun to act frantic about the car. He was yelling and screaming about something being stolen, and everyone picked up what he meant, and found it best not to say anything. Suddenly, Amanda noticed an old house up on the hill next to them, where the other side was just corn. What really caught the teen’s eyes was the strange man walking down the hill towards them.
“You kids need some help? That hole seems to claim more and more cars all the time. Golly, you kids might need to stay the night I presume.” Said the man, who, by the looks of him, must have been at about the age of 45.
“I guess we have no choice, but, if you don’t mind me asking, how do you live out here, this far from civilization anyway?” Said Stan.
“I live off the land, I have no electricity, tv, computer, phone, etc. I hunt my food, and drink water from a stream, and, for the record,” He said suspiciously, “I do not have a car…”
“So you never leave this area?” asked Jenn.
He just nodded, and started walking toward the house, signaling for them to follow behind him. On the way up they noticed a barn in the clearing in the cornfield across the road, some woods behind the house, and a suspicious barn next to his house that was locked with a large padlock. Stanley found this very odd and he decided to sneak over to investigate. When everyone was inside, he told his friends that he was going to try his cell phone again, and he ran to the barn when no one was paying attention.
He walked over a small porch with a bunch of creaky floorboards, and inspected the lock on the door. It was very heavy, and could probably not be picked easily. Stan spied a keyhole in the door, and he leaned down to look through it. Inside the garage was a large object covered by a tarp, and it looked like a truck. He grinned and decided to break into the barn, but just as he stepped back slightly, his foot hit a loose floorboard, and it let off a loud creaking sound. He froze, looked toward the house, then back through the keyhole. Stanley figured that no one saw him, so he peered back into the keyhole to see if there were any windows or doors. He stepped off the creaky board without thinking, and without giving him time to think, a long machete shot through the keyhole, piercing him right through his eye! The last thing he ever heard as he fell dead to the ground was a low, evil chuckle from inside…
Back in the house the teens were getting worried about Stan. It was almost six o’ clock, and it was beginning to grow dark. Jenn felt suspicious so she told the man, who was just sitting in a chair carving wood into deer figurines, that she was going outside to go look for him, she stomped out of the room and out the back door towards the wooded place in the back yard. The man was obviously suspicious about what she was doing, so he told the other two that they’re bedroom was upstairs on the left, and that he was going to head on to bed soon. He walked toward the stairs, but turned toward the back door when they weren’t watching, carefully picking up an axe on his way out the door…
Morning struck Amanda like a truck striking a person at 80 mph. She woke up startled, falling onto the floor, and waking Logan. She didn’t even remember getting into bed, and the first thing she thought was if Stanley and Jennifer made it back OK. She grabbed Logan and they went downstairs to find out what was up. The house was completely silent, except for the creaking of floorboards when they walked.
“Logan, I’m really scared. This place is weird, and that guy is really starting to creep me out. What if he did something to Stanley and Jennifer?”
“Amanda… I’m sure it’s nothing, they probably went outside to try their phones, and he might be asleep…” Logan was interrupted by the back door slamming open with the man standing there in the doorway.
“Oh hi kids… heh… I’m afraid your friends won’t be joining us for breakfast this morning, seems they both had an accident…” he said, grinning and wiping something red off on his jeans.
“LIAR!” Amanda screamed as loud as she could. “YOU KILLED THEM!” She was starting to cry. “BUT NOT US!!” And with that she grasped Logan’s wrist and literally dragged him to the front door.

[Posher778]

PART 2... whooppeee

She tried to turn the knob but it was locked, and the man walked toward the doorway of the kitchen toward them.
“Well, that’s too bad… it’s not often guests stay long anyway…” he sighed. “Wonder why?” He smirked as he quickly reared up a chainsaw, grinning at them.
Amanda screamed and Logan kicked the door as hard as he could, busting it off its hinges. The two ran, screaming loudly out the door and toward the yard. But where could they go? They were in the middle of nowhere, with no place to go at all. As they were looking frantically for a place to run, the psychotic man had sprinted behind Amanda and swung the chainsaw. She jumped backward JUST before it hit her, and she fell backward down the hill, toward the road. She got up to go help Logan, but before she could get up the hill, she saw the man slash Logan right down his chest, and Amanda screamed as he fell dead to the ground. Then she did the only thing she could do...


She ran!

Amanda sprinted across the dirt road, leaping a fence into the cornfield pumped so full of adrenaline and rage that she could probably run for hours. She sprinted as hard as she could deep into the field, but she was slowed by the stalks thwacking her in the face and cutting her all over. She was terrified beyond reason. The buzzing of the chainsaw was all around her, but she could not find a way out, and she feared she might never leave this field alive…
When she was almost positive that the man was right behind her, she suddenly stumbled into a clearing, with the other barn in it. Amanda dashed into the barn and closed the big doors, pulling down the wooden bar to lock it from inside, the man close behind her. She saw the man’s shadow under the door, and he turned the saw off and spoke to her.
“Open the door Amanda…heh heh heh. I’m not going to hurt you… or am I?” He said in an eerie voice.
He started the chainsaw again, and thrust it in between the doors, sawing through the wooden post from above. Amanda screamed and ran to a cabinet on the wall, thrusting open the door, looking for a weapon. Luckily she found a small axe on the back wall, and she took it and climbed the ladder into the loft. She used her cleverness and chopped the rope on one of the haybales, which the top and bottom of the barn were completely full of. She tied another rope around the bound up hay bale, and ducked behind it, waiting for the man to attack.
He finished sawing, and burst through the doors, chainsaw roaring, and ran around looking for her. She seized the moment and thrust the small hay bale off of the loft and stumbled behind it, falling into a huge pile of hay. She sat up just in time to see the bale smash into the man, flinging him hard backwards, landing on his face, and shattering the chainsaw against the wall. The hard fall he took knocked him out, and Amanda sprung up and sprinted back toward the other barn, where she was sure there was a car.
As she reached the barn, she stepped on the creaky boards and saw a long, sharp machete shoot through the keyhole of the doors, stopping not an inch from her face. She heard a noise, and then a voice.
“Ha ha ha ha ha ha… You thought you could get away from me with my truck. Everyone always goes for the truck in the end, but I ALWAYS get them before they can get it. Don’t you understand yet? Nobody gets away from me… ever!” said the man’s voice from inside.
As Amanda began to break down, losing all hope, she heard a clicking sound, and the a reeaaarrrrrr like noise, and she realized that this was a trap… That was a recording to scare people, and it worked every time! And then the machete shot back through the keyhole, and without another shot she smashed the lock open with the axe she had, thrusting open the doors, noticing a device on the door that must have held the knife ready to shoot through the hole, but what startled her was that the machete was gone. Almost out of nowhere the man attacked her, tackling her to the ground, trying to slice her with the machete he took from the machine. She kicked his knee, and he let out a howl as she rolled over and got up, kicking him hard in the ribs before running into the garage, pulling off the tarp, gasping in delight at the nice looking truck in the garage. She also noticed that the keys were right there in the ignition. She flung open the door, and climbed in. The man Slashed through the passenger window, then dashed around and bashed through the driver side, grabbing for her, and wrapping his fingers around her throat, trying to choke her, but she had already started the engine, and she slammed on the gas. He fell from the door, crying out in pain at he fell on his arm. She drove extremely fast down the hill, sharply curved onto the road, narrowly missing the deadly ditch, and sped off down the road. The man somehow caught up and jumped into her path, hurling the machete at her. She ducked as the point of it shot into the headrest. Amanda hardly realized what was about to happen, and the man realized his error as Amanda felt a heavy thump from beneath her. She knew what she had done, and she felt a lot safer as she sped as fast as the truck could go down the road… hoping for a town or a human SOMEWHERE…
The man casually stood up, dusted himself off, and walked toward the house, mysteriously not seriously damaged. He stumbled into the kitchen, wiped the blood off his face, wrapped up his cuts, and sighed as he massaged his hurt knee. Just then he heard the sound of a car, and he looked outside, and, to his delight, an SUV with three teenagers in it was driving down the road very fast, and, just like before, crashed into the lethal hole, landing upside down. He smiled and thought, a new car, and some new victims. The man walked down to the teenagers, who were slightly beaten up.
“You kids alright? Golly… that ditch is horrible on cars isn’t it? I guess you guys can spend the night if you want. But, if I do say so myself…







You don’t really have a choice…

[Sadistic_Rozez]

Holy shit that was awesome!!


was alot better than some horror movies that i have seen!!!!



KEEP WRITING!!!:D

[Posher778]

thanks a lot! i didnt think that the way i wrote it was great. but i thout... most slasher's suck... so i'll make a unique one. I give credit to tcm and wolf creek movies for inspiration. I also had another ending where she gets shot with a crossbow and falls into 1 of 4 holes, the other 3 holes are filled with dirt... hmmm

[Zero]

i liked it - but thought you "told us" what was happening instead of letting it happen - the narrators voice kind of gets in the way at times. . . keep up the good work

[Posher778]

yeah, but remember, it wasnt like i just wrote it for fun. school.. hisssss.

[OctaviusHunter]

great concept. I love the idea that the psycho uses a truck to trick the people that show up at the house.

If you want to submit it somewhere, I'd suggest putting the violence back in and trimming a whole lot of stuff out. Put some more dialogue in and let the kids tell the story. For example if amanda's hair is long and blond let one of the boys comment on it or mention it in one of the scenes as part of the scene.

exposition kills and simplicity when done right sells. See where you can substitute one word for two and get creative with your adjectives. For example instead of "amanda drove the truck extremely fast" You could say something like amanda drove the truck like a bat outta hell"

I love the concept of the story and I think you could polish it and make it great.

finally do a spell check for both spelling and grammar there's a couple of spots where you use "no" and it should be "know"


keep writing and keep up the creativity as long as you can come up with great concepts for stories you can never be stopped.

[Posher778]

im actually working on all those thigns atm

[scaryminda15]

k i liked it was missing some things though longer and more interesting plot but it doesnt matter what i think it was still great so keep it up.

[Posher778]

i just read it again and completely hated it.
i think i'll hire one of you guys to edit it for me.