|
|
||||||||||||||||||||
|
|
|
|
||||||||||||||||||
|
|
||||||||||||||||||||
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|||||||||||||
|
|
||||||||||||||||||||
|
#532
05-14-2014, 06:53 AM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Three old men are discussing their sex lives.
The Italian man says, "Last week, my wife and I had great sex. I rubbed her body all over with olive oil, we made passionate love, and she screamed for 5 minutes at the end." The Frenchman boasts, "Last week when my wife and I had sex I rubbed her body all over with butter. We made passionate love and she screamed for 15 minutes." The old Jewish man says, "Well last week my wife and I sex too. I rubbed her body all over with chicken schmaltz (kosher chicken fat), we made love and she screamed for 6 hours." The Italian and Frenchman were stunned. They replied, "What could you have possibly done to make your wife scream for 6 hours?" "I wiped my hands on the drapes." --------------------------------- A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee. "What's the matter, dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room, "Why are you down here at this time of night?" The husband looks up from his coffee, "I am just remembering when we first met 20 years ago and started dating. You were only 16. Do you remember back then?" he says solemnly. The wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring, so sensitive. "Yes, I do" she replies. The husband pauses. The words were not coming easily. "Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car?" "Yes, I remember," said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him. The husband continues. "Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, "Either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 20 years?" "I remember that too..." she replies softly. He wipes another tear from his cheek and says, "I would have gotten out today." ---------------------------------- A farmer goes out and buys a new, young rooster. As soon as he brings him home, the young rooster rushes and screws all 150 of the farmers hens. The farmer is impressed. At lunchtime, the young rooster again screws all 150 hens. The farmer is not just impressed anymore, he is worried. Next morning, not only is the rooster screwing the hens but he is screwing the turkeys, ducks, even the cow! Later, the farmer looks out into the barnyard and finds the rooster stretched out, limp as a rag, his eyes closed and vultures circling overhead. The farmer runs out, looks down at the young rooster's limp body and says: "You deserved it, you horny bastard!" The young rooster then opens one eye, points up at the vultures with his wing, and says, "Shhhh! They are about to land!" ----------------------------------- Telephone rings, woman answers. Pervert, breathing heavily, says, "I bet you have a tight ass with no hair?" Woman replies, "Yes, I have. He's watching football...Who shall I say is calling?" ----------------------------------- This is why God invented menopause... With all the new technology regarding fertility, a 65 year-old woman gave birth to a baby. When she was discharged from the hospital and went home, her relatives came to visit. "May we see the new baby?" one asked. "Not yet," said the 65 year-old mother, "Soon." Thirty minutes had passed, and another relative asked, "May we see the new baby now?" "Not yet," said the mother. After another few minutes had elapsed, they asked again, "May we see the baby now?" "No," replied the mother. Growing very impatient, they asked, "Well, when CAN we see the baby?" "WHEN IT CRIES," she told them. "WHEN IT CRIES?" they demanded. "Why do we have to wait until it CRIES?!" "BECAUSE, I forgot where I put it..."
__________________
"If you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you." - Friedrich Nietzsche Last edited by _____V_____; 05-14-2014 at 06:55 AM. 
|
|
#535
09-09-2014, 02:17 AM
|
||||
|
||||
__________________
|
|
#536
09-09-2014, 03:41 AM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Oooh my state has Interview with the Vampire. I remember watching that when it came on TV when I was like 6 for some reason.
__________________
|
|
#539
09-26-2014, 11:04 AM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Quote:
These are excellent too. Every see these?
__________________
. . . .   Last edited by Sculpt; 09-26-2014 at 11:05 AM.
|
 |
|
|
