The "NO DRAMA" thread

[hammerfan]

Oh shit, it's official--I'M OLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[The Flayed One]

Now that Vancouver has won the chance to host the 2010 Winter Olympics these are some questions people the world over are asking!!!! Believe it or not these questions about Canada were posted on an International Tourism Website (frightening, isn't it!)

Q: I have never seen it warm on Canadian TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK)
A. We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around and watch them die.

Q: Will I be able to see Polar Bears in the street? (USA)
A: Depends on how much you've been drinking.

Q: I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto-can I follow the Railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only Four thousand miles, take lots of water.

Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Canada? (Sweden)
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.

Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to contact for a stuffed Beaver. (Italy)
A: Let's not touch this one.

Q: Are there any ATM's (cash machines) in Canada? Can you send me a list of them in Toronto, Vancouver, Edmonton and Halifax? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?

Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Canada? (USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Ca-na-da is that big country to your North...oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Calgary. Come naked.

Q: Which direction is North in Canada? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into Canada? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Vancouver and in Calgary, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

Q: Do you have perfume in Canada? (Germany)
A: No, WE don't stink.

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you sell it in Canada? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

Q: Can you tell me the regions in British Columbia where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

Q: Do you celebrate Thanksgiving in Canada? (USA)
A: Only at Thanksgiving.

Q: Are there supermarkets in Toronto and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of Vegan hunter/gathers. Milk is illegal.

Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Canada, but I forget its name. It's a kind of big horse with horns. (USA)
A: It's called a Moose. They are tall and very violent, eating the brains of anyone walking close to them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you will have to learn it first.

[newb]

hee hee hee



urge would like this one.

[The Flayed One]

I thought about posting it down south for him. Nah...I'll just pm it to him.


Never mind, I see Mr. urge doesn't accept pm's. :p

[newb]

Sex on Mars.... The year is 2222 and after accumulating enough frequent
flier miles, Mike and Maureen land on Mars. They meet a Martian couple and
are talking about all sorts of things. Mike asks if Mars has a stock market,
if they have laptop computers, how they make money, etc.

Finally, Maureen brings up the subject of sex. "Just how do you guys do it?"
asks Maureen. "Pretty much the way you do," responds the Martian. Discussion
ensues and finally the couples decide to swap partners for the night and
experience one another. Maureen and the male Martian go off to a bedroom
where the Martian strips. He's got only a teeny, weenie member - about half
an inch long and just a quarter inch thick. "I don't think this is going to
work," says Maureen. "Why?" he asks, "What's the matter?"

"Well," she replies, "It's just not long enough to reach me!" "No problem,"
he says, and proceeds to slap his forehead with his palm. With each slap of his
forehead, his member grows until it's quite impressively long.

"Well," she says, "That's quite impressive, but it looks like a long pencil,
it's still pretty narrow..." "No problem," he says, and starts pulling his
ears.
With each pull, his member grows wider and wider until the entire
measurement is extremely exciting to the woman. "Wow!" she exclaims, as they
fall into bed and make mad, passionate love.

The next day the couples rejoin their normal partners and go their separate
ways. As they walk along, Mike asks, "Well, was it any good?"

"I hate to say it," says Maureen, "but it was damn good. How about you?"

"It was horrible," he replies. "All I got was a headache. She kept slapping
my forehead and pulling my ears.

[newb]

A train hits a bus load of Catholic school girls and they all perish. They are all in heaven trying to enter the pearly gates past St. Peter. St. Peter asks the first girl,
"Gloria, have you ever had contact with a penis?"
She giggles and shyly replies,
"Well I once touched one with the tip of my finger . . ."
St. Peter says,
"Okay, dip the tip of your finger in the holy water and pass through the gates."
St. Peter asks the next girl the same question,
"Catherine, have youever had contact with a penis?"
The girl is a little reluctant, but replies,
"Well once I fondled and stroked one."
St. Peter says,
"OK. Dip your whole hand in the holy water and pass through the gates."

All of the sudden, there is a lot of commotion in the line of girls. One girl is pushing her way to the front of the line. When she reaches the front of the line St. Peter says,
"Lisa! What seems to be the rush".
The girl replies,



"Well, if I'm going to have to gargle that Holy Water, I want to do it before Stephanie sticks her ass in it!

[stubbornforgey]

LOL ..
F.O..
you should hear some of the dumbass questions i get about newzealand...right from wearing grass skirts n since the release of L.O.T.R..HAIRY FUCKING FEET'..
and apparently..we all live in mud houses..
and the native maari run around poking thier tongues out to visitors..but hey..thats ok cos we are also another part of AUSTRALIA..
:rolleyes:

[The Flayed One]

Friday again. I'm BBQing tonight, and I'm feeling a little festive. Since they don't carry Negro Modelo or Pacifico aroudn here, looks like I'm drinking:



...with a lime.

[Haunted]

Dos Equis is a beer that I will actually drink.

[filmmaker2]

Dos Equis: the official beer of Phantasm! Used extensively in the making of Phantasm! (chuckles)