Go Back   Horror.com Forums - Talk about horror. > Horror, But Not Movies > Books & Fiction Writing

Thread Tools
Old 03-13-2015, 12:34 PM
Jake.Ashworth's Avatar
Jake.Ashworth Jake.Ashworth is offline
No Tears Please...
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: Wentzville, MO
Posts: 1,102
Look I wrote a short story. Let me know what you think.

The People
He sat there in his bed, the pure white cover pulled up to his nose. He peeked over the edge into the darkness. The dream had become so regular that it almost didn’t bother him anymore. Something was different about tonight though, when she was done she didn’t leave.
Jason watched from just above his covers, his whole body was shaking and he could hear his strained whimpers. He always felt dirty after she came to him. It had been years sense the first time Jason had seen the woman.
Jason was just fifteen the first time she came, he could remember it clearly because it was almost the exact same every time. He opened his eyes to the darkness of night. Jason had never been scared of the dark before but that night he felt terrified. He laid still looking into the dark room, his eyes shooting around looking for anything that might have woke him. His room was pretty standard for a teenage boy, he had a small wooden dresser and desk against one wall and his bed against another. On the other side of the room was his closet, the door slightly ajar. He started to think to himself “There’s someone in there.” He had never thought that before and he was way too old to believe in the boogeyman.
He listened closely for any movement but there was nothing. Actually now that he was listening he realized there was no sound at all. Normally he could hear his parents TV from down the hall, his father stayed up very late. His eyes creeped back across his room to his window. He could see a dim light shining through from the moon sifting through the trees. The window was wet and he could tell it was raining but he couldn’t hear the rain.
His heart started racing and he could feel a cold sweat forming on his brow. He tried to sit up but couldn’t move at all. Jason strained with ever muscle in his body but he couldn’t even lift a finger. He felt the panic setting in and didn’t know what to do, he couldn’t hear anything and he couldn’t move.
A light flickered on in the hallway and he tried to yell out to his parents. His mouth opened and stretched wide but no sound came out. He could feel the sharp pains in his throat like he was screaming at the top of his lungs but there was no sound. His eyes darted around the room expecting to see something but there was still no movement. In the light from the hallway that was seeping through the crack at the bottom of his door, he saw a shadow.
At first there was a sense of relief, his father must have heard him from down the hall. Jasons body relaxed as the door knob turned and the door opened slowly. He tried again to sit up and couldn’t, as the door swung open and the light from the hall crept across his dark bedroom. As the light spread through the room he noticed that it was kind of muted like it was pouring in through a mist.
His eyes where a little blurry from the change in the light. He blinked fast and hard trying to get his eyes to adjust. As they came back into focus he saw a dark silhouette standing in the doorway. It was not his father, the silhouette was short. Jason couldn’t make out any features, and it didn’t move at all. The panic flooded back into his body, he didn’t know who this person was. The figure stood there as still as a statue as Jason did everything he could to get out of the bed and run.
Still he couldn’t move at all. The dark figure stood there for what seemed like hours. Jason’s mind was blinded by the flood of panic. There were a thousand thoughts shooting through his mind, “Who is that at the door, is there something else in here with me, why cant I move?” His head throbbed like it was being crushed between two bouldars. He felt his eyes being drawn back to the figure.
It stepped began to move forward into the room, not walking but gliding across the floor very slowly making no sound. Jason tried to look away but his eyes were locked onto the figure as it got closer. His hopes raised with the thought that he may at least be able to see who it is.
As the figure got closer the hope of recognizing the person faded. The silhouette stayed just that, solid black like a shadow. It moved up the side of the bed and to his side. Another wave of panic flashed over Jason, again his body tensed up in hopes to get away. Then in a flash the shadow was on top of him. Pain shot through every inch of his body, he could tell the entire bed was shaking violently back and forth but he could feel nothing but the intense pain as it racked his body. He wanted to scream but couldn’t make any sound come out.
Tears flowed down his cheeks as this thing attacked him. There was so much intense pain that Jason thought he must be bleeding out. The room spun and then a loud piercing shriek shot through his head, it was so high pitched he thought his eardrums would burst. Every muscle in his body tensed up and a final round of pain rolled over him followed by nothing.
When he woke up in the morning he was tucked neatly into his bed just as he was when he fell asleep. The whole night was a little blurry but he could remember enough to know something happened. There was a little panic as he remember not being able to move but when he tried to lift his hand it moved without any trouble. He pulled the sheets back and sat up not seeing anything abnormal, short of being soaked with sweat. His eyes scanned the sun filled room looking for anything that was out of place, but he didn’t see anything worth noting. He assumed he had just been hot and shrugged the entire incident off as just a horrible dream.
The rest of that day and the following week went by without any trouble and the whole thing slipped out of his memory. Just when everything seemed to be going back to normal, his eyes shot open in the darkness of his room, again he was frozen, deaf, and mute. And again the shadow figure was there in his doorway, then on top of him.
After that second visit he found it harder and harder to shake this feeling that something was there, in the dark, every time he went to bed. The figure came back at complete random, he never knew what day or time it would happen. And he always woke up tucked in and feeling like nothing had happened.
Reply With Quote
Old 03-13-2015, 12:35 PM
Jake.Ashworth's Avatar
Jake.Ashworth Jake.Ashworth is offline
No Tears Please...
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: Wentzville, MO
Posts: 1,102
As the years went by he kind of got used to it. It was still terrifying when it happened, but he was able to shake it in the morning quickly. Twice he tried to tell his parents about it but they blamed it on an overactive imagination and hormones.
Tonight was different though. Jason went to bed with an uneasy feeling, his stomach was twisted into knots and he thought he was getting sick. He laid down in bed and closed his eyes. As soon as they were closed he heard a creaking sound coming from his closet. He rolled over and looked toward the closet, just as his eyes landed on the partially opened door he saw a shadow in the shape of a hand pull back into the darkness of the closet. The room was pitch black, but that shadow looked infinitely darker than the room.
His breath caught in his throat and he broke out in sweat. The door looked like it opened a little more and Jason rolled back over so it would look like he was asleep. His peripheral caught some movement when a figure slipped out of the closet and into the corner of the room, then another and another. He began to tremble all over, then went still, not because he stopped but because his body froze again. Like every other night he couldn’t move, he couldn’t hear and he couldn’t make any noise. The only difference this time was that he was not alone in the room. There were at least three shadow people standing in the corner watching him.
Then the light in the hall came on and the door opened. The small figure that he had become accustomed to was standing there. It glided across the floor, the same way it did every night. It attacked him, the pain, just as bad as ever shot back through his body.
He silently screamed into the night, wishing he could get the thing off of him, wishing it would just go away, and waiting for the shriek signifying the end of the torment. It felt like his skin was shredding, then everything took a different turn. The shadow came down close to his face, almost touching it. He could almost make out feminine features, the pain subsided and his muscles loosened. There was a feeling of release, and then it was over. No shrieking, no black out, the figure was suddenly standing next to the bed and appeared to be holding his hand.
When he realized he yanked his hand back and came. He was shocked that he was able to move. The figure glided effortlessly back across the room to the corner were the other three had been watching. Jason grabbed the covers and pulled them all the way up to his eyes.
He was eighteen now and had been having these experiences for three years, but they never changed, the story was always the same. This time though his ability to move had come back, he could hear again, and she didn’t leave. He was still sweating and whimpering when he heard them.
They had begun talking, at first he couldn’t understand them. It wasn’t that they were to quiet but that it didn’t sound like any language he had ever heard before. It came through a hisses and pops. The longer it went on the more clear it became though. They were talking about him.
He heard them say “Did it work?” and thought to himself “What the hell are they talking about.” As soon as the thought crossed his mind the figures turned and faced him. It was as though they had heard him. They stood motionless, waiting for something. After a few minutes Jason pulled the covers back feeling drawn to the figures. He stood up feeling very light headed, the world was a in a fog, there was a ripple running through everything.
He started to step toward them, but when he did he felt a hand close around his wrist. He froze there for a second and turned his head slowly toward whatever was holding him. He looked down and saw himself sitting up in bed staring back.
Where the other him was holding onto him he could see that his skin had started to fade into a deep black. He looked at himself sitting upright in the bed, drenched in sweat and shaking all over. He looked into his own eyes and saw an amazing pain. He watched as the other him mouthed silently “Don’t go, Im not ready.” He felt incredibly at ease as he pulled his now solid black wrist from the others grasp.
As soon as he was loose of the other him, he heard a loud whooshing sound and the three figures that had been in the corner shot around him and covered the body of the other me. The deep blackness of their bodies completely blocked out his teenage body lying on the bed.
While he was watching he didn’t notice the feminine figure slide up beside him. He felt her hand clasp around his and he turned his head to look at her. The blackness melted away from her face revealing a beautiful young woman with perfect brunette hair and natural highlights. She was stunningly gorgeous and he instantly forgot about what was happening on the bed. He forgot about the eighteen year old boy who would never see another day, about the parents of the boy who would suffer this loss.
He was finally where he was suppsed to be. They had come for him and found him. The feminine figure leaned in and kissed Jason gently on the lips. She smiled and turned toward the closet. He watched as she began to glide across the floor toward the closet. She turned back around and reached out to him, beckoning him to follow her.
He took a deep breath and smelled nothing but fresh, clean air. A light came on, as bright at the sun, inside of the closet. The light sifted out through the cracks around the door and poured into the dark room. With one final look over his shoulder he could see the black tangle of the creatures writhing on the bed, and began gliding to the closet.
He followed her inside and the door swung shut behind them. Jason was gone forever. The next morning when the light broke into the room through the window, no one stirred in Jasons bed. The birds outside of the window chirped and children played in the yard next door.
Jasons mother had just finished laundry and was headed upstairs with the basket. She stopped at his door and set the basket down. “Jason! Why are you still in bed? Get up sleepy head!” She shoved the door open, picked up the basket and went into the room. She continued to talk to him as she put away the clothes. She rambled on about Susan from work and how she thinks the kids next door knocked over their mailbox.
After she finished putting away the freshly cleaned laundry she skipped over to the bed and Jasons neatly tucked in body. She plopped down on the bed laughing “Wake up silly! I know you can hear me.” She grabbed the covers and yanked them back quickly and then fell to the floor in shock.
Jasons head rolled off of the bed onto the floor next to her. Beneath the covers was just a mass of blood and ground up meat. For a split second she thought she saw a darker spot beneath the bed in the shape of a person looking out. She screamed as loud and hard as she could and then passed out cold.

The End
Reply With Quote
Old 03-19-2015, 03:07 AM
Damn Heathen Damn Heathen is offline
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 607
Reply With Quote
Old 04-09-2015, 03:37 PM
luvmylinds's Avatar
luvmylinds luvmylinds is offline
Little Boo
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: Last house on the left.
Posts: 2
Like Your Story

Other than a few incomplete thoughts(i.e. <<The figure came back at complete random, he never knew what day or time it would happen,>> Complete random....what?)I thought it was a good suspense/horror story. The only question I have is was the female entity supposed to be a succubus??? Honestly, I really thought that's where you were going with that. If you wanted to spice the story up a bit, you can make her a all out succubus. Keep up the good work! I hope you read my book when it gets published to Kindle.
Love and Nightmares, Julie
Reply With Quote
Old 04-10-2015, 04:59 AM
Jake.Ashworth's Avatar
Jake.Ashworth Jake.Ashworth is offline
No Tears Please...
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: Wentzville, MO
Posts: 1,102
Originally Posted by luvmylinds View Post
Other than a few incomplete thoughts(i.e. <<The figure came back at complete random, he never knew what day or time it would happen,>> Complete random....what?)I thought it was a good suspense/horror story. The only question I have is was the female entity supposed to be a succubus??? Honestly, I really thought that's where you were going with that. If you wanted to spice the story up a bit, you can make her a all out succubus. Keep up the good work! I hope you read my book when it gets published to Kindle.
Thanks for the pointers, sometimes it take a second set of eyes. Welcome to the forum by the way. She isn't a succubus, shadow people are a real thing, I know how superstitious that sounds. I literally lived this for four or five years when I was a child. If you google it you can get some more info. As for the ending, in my life it just ended when I met my wife and we began sleeping in the same bed. but that wouldn't have been much of an ending to a story, lol. My book through Kindle is in my signature. Its a buck if you want to check it out. Its my first attempt so I don't really even know if its worth a damn.
Becoming a Killer (novel) ---- http://www.amazon.com/Becoming-Kille...oming+a+killer

The People (short story) ---- http://www.inkitt.com/stories/10686

Trapped (Short Story) ---- https://www.inkitt.com/stories/horror/624905

The End : A Short Glimpse (Flash Fiction) --- https://www.inkitt.com/stories/horror/624912

Fear Awakens (novel) ----- Recently Restarted
Reply With Quote
Old 03-16-2023, 10:41 PM
Rnisbet Rnisbet is offline
Little Boo
Join Date: Mar 2023
Posts: 4
Ig-downloader is an interesting help with which you can save all IGTV to your telephones, tablets, and PCs and watch them any time. The novel advancement makes it conceivable to save the high-resolution content of any public account. IGTV is a long video, if you can't watch it at this moment, you can download the IGTV video to your PC, to ensure you can get back to observe later, no organization association is required or erase IGTV. Get more information Instagram picture downloader
Reply With Quote

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

All times are GMT -8. The time now is 11:13 PM.