Simon Says
Decided to check this out based on a surprisingly good review in Rue Morgue Magazine. I didn't realize, however, that the glowing review was purely from a fanboy perspective. Essentially, if you're a fan of 80s horror and want to see an homage to a T (as opposed to an ironic homage/parody that you see in
My Bloody Valentine 3D), watch this film. For me, however, it just didn't do it. Not even Crispin Glover could save it.
Just unwatchable.
.5/5.
...
Asylum
After the unsatisfying
Simon Says, we decided to peruse Netflix instant and finally watch this film that had been sitting in the queue for quite some time. Quite frankly, I'm a HUGE sucker for movies having to do with old asylums, twisted science, and the like, but this was more of a co-ed pop horror film looking to catch the
Scream audience. All characters are
caricatures and there wasn't a whole lot of old-timey asylum torture, which is usually what gets me going. Sarah Roemer is a refreshingly hot scream queen, however. It was good to see her out of a cheerleader movie and back into horror.
Regardless of its faults, I still watched it at least.
2/5.
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Dead Air
Since this movie was brought up during a discussion of
Pontypool, I figured that I'd check it out. I like Bill Mosely and I was honestly curious in terms of two REALLY similar infection movies coming out at the same time.
I have to say, though, I was disappointed. Whereas Pontypool was definitely creepy, suspenseful, and even delightfully gory at times,
Dead Air seemed to be just that; air devoid of
anything, including tension, suspense, or horror. Also, the "reason" was absolutely lame and contrived.
To tell you the truth, I fell asleep. I didn't even finish this movie. And have no desire to go back to it.
1/5.
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Surveillance
It's not quite a surprise that Lynch's latest Production enterprise is one of the more tense movies that I have seen in a long, long time. Written and directed by his daughter, Jennifer Lynch,
Surveillance has all the makes of an intense murder mystery/thriller as you, the audience member, are walked through the events that eventually lead up to the crimes that are being solved. But, of course, it's not your everyday murder mystery.
Definitely more linear and less absurd than Lynch's usual fare,
Surveillance is a brilliant character piece that definitely had me on the edge of my seat at times... No, not in a
scared way, but in a cringing sort of way... A
good cringing sort of way. The reveal is a little hokey, but the end is so well constructed that you forgive it almost immediately.
I would say that this is a must-see for genre fans.
4.5/5.
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Up
First off, I have a few grievances to air:
Why, Pixar, WHY do you orchestrate your advertising in such a way as to REPEL me from your feature films?
Cars had me believe that it was nothing but redneck drag-racing fare and here with
Up I couldn't understand WHY a grumpy old man and a cherubic rube would cause me to run out to the theater... This is the
second time that I have had no desire to see a Pixar film at the movies that I honestly wished I had!
Up was amazing! It was funny without being pandering. It was tear-jerking without being manipulative. And it was absolutely STUNNING without a flaw. Easily one of my Top 3 Films of 2009,
Up has a little for everyone... From cartoonish antics that made me giggle to whimsical fantasies that made me smile and sigh, to genuine characters who made me cry... It's been a while since I've felt so sad/happy/inspired by a single film, and
Up did just that. It's fun, adventurous, and absolutely charming. HIGHLY recommend it.
5/5.