[Morningriser]

My grandparents I'm talking about are my mother's parents and yes, I don't have much family. My father's family has nothing to do with me and my mother's brother and his whole family have nothing to do with me either. I understand completely or everyone is coming from about how he was raised and how he shows emotions but at the same time I feel like he is showing so much favoritism towards these people who used to make fun of my mother for being an alcoholic, for the fact that my cousin, who is in her 30s, still buys alcohol for high school kids she has no connection with simply so she can stay popular amongst teenagers in a town she grew up in that she doesn't even live in anymore because she moved a whole state away but her popularity is still something she needs to keep for some reason. It's shit like that, they act like they're so fucking great and every little thing I do is held against me and anytime I try to defend myself or speak out against them for it my grandfather makes me feel like I should be completely ashamed of myself. I am so sick of living in a fucking world where people can do and say what they want to me but the minute I try to defend myself I get shut down for it.

Any way, I understand everything both of you said and I love my grandpa, I really do but you have to understand that they held me back so much it totally fuck me up. They had me believing the world was this one certain way when it wasn't. I was young and damaged and basically anybody that wanted to take a hold of me and manipulate me in any way they wanted could. I was way too naive and gullible and too afraid to think for myself and stand up for myself until all the damage was done and now in the last eight months I have been working on 37 years of damage that was all done because people like my grandparents made me feel like I was a freak, the music I listen to was bad and dangerous and not allowed in their house and the clothing I wore was highly offencive for Christians or to be seen by Christian eyes. But yet being in your thirties and supplying children you don't even really know with alcohol just to stay popular with high school kids it's not only illegal as fuck but apparently a good thing if my grandpa is going to get pissed off at me for bringing that up. I guess that he probably just doesn't want us fighting with each other but like I said, they are the perfect family and I'm the fucking Whipping Boy. I have always been but not anymore. I had blocked him on Facebook but I unblocked him and apologized and explained to him how I feel exactly like I have done so many times before so I'm just waiting for him to get back online and bitched me out or block me or do one of the few other generic things he does as long as he doesn't have to tell me how he actually feels.