[Morningriser]

I guess yesterday I didn't get things out of the clear as I should have. I don't want to cut my grandpa out of my life but he has done a lot of damage to me. For example, my grandmother was dead for two days before he even told me despite the fact that she was more of a mother to me than my own was and since I didn't know she was dead, my girlfriend at the time and I had went about 7 hours away to the beach and had just got there that night, the night before the funeral, we were both exhausted and had a very tired and very agitated baby with us and because I couldn't make it back to the funeral in time, most of the family despises me because of it. And another thing, when I was a child, my mother was with this crazy ass redneck who beat the holy fuck out of both of us almost every day and my grandparents knew what was going on but they never stepped in until the proof stare them right in the face and they couldn't ignore anymore, my blood all over the floor and walls in my mom's house from when he damn near killed me, and the proof all over my face which they could no longer ignore because it had gotten out what had happened so they had to actually take action. I guess I forgot to leave those things out yesterday as to why I hold so much hatred and anger and built-up negative energy about this. It's like I'm the one they all focused their bad feelings on, not just my grandpa but my entire family who won't even tell me why they don't like me and leave me to believe it's because I wasn't as popular as my cousins. I know that sounds ridiculous but in a town like Grundy Virginia, that's actually religion. Last night I sent my grandpa a pretty lengthy message on Facebook explaining to him why I felt why I did and since nobody seems to care about throwing shit in my face and trying to make me feel bad I reminded him that they just let me get beaten almost to death and then didn't even tell me about my grandmother dying until I messaged him two days later and asked him how she was doing before I even found out anyting. I even told him that I hope he does feel like shit for once because somebody other than me deserves to. And you know what? I actually feel great about it. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. And I am not sorry in the least bit for what I said either.

Edit: I don't want anyone to think I'm depressed or on the verge of a breakdown or anything because I kind of realized that's how this sounds. I am fine as far as that goes while I will admit I am a bit frustrated though. I have done a lot of internal evolving since I got out of Virginia in such a short time that it is quite astonishing actually. I know the psychedelics have a lot to do with how I'm able to start putting things into perspective and work towards finding an internal balance between my fiercely aggressive passion or the fact that I can be a straight-up hothead sometimes and my overly sensitive side that has let so many people take advantage of me for so long and find a way where I can make the good work with the bad in a way that makes me able to empathize but also protect and defend without fear that was there before but doesn't seem to be now.