[Juvenile Sims]

OK everyone, I just finished my first story and trust I will receive good criticism here. I know some of the grammar and punctuation isn't perfect but even as I proof-read it, I just couldn't think of a better change in some areas. Comments and critism are greatly appreciated. Thank you.

"The Hike"

As he sat behind the large oak tree, sweat poured from his brow. His heart pounded causing his body to shake to the rythym of its beat. His breathes were short and quick. Mike couldn’t run any longer. His legs and lungs burned as he ran for what seemed to be hours, but was probably no more than a few minutes. Blood stains covered his torn, tattered clothes. Mike heard the rustling of the leaves and crackling of twigs grow more faint. Mike thought to himself “is it gone? Have I survived?” In all of his 34 years of life, Mike could never have imagined the gruesome, horrible events he has just seen and been through.

It was a usual Sunday for Mike, his wife Katie and their dog, Sweet Pea. Katie was a beautiful woman. She was tall with an average build. She had long blond hair, soft blue eyes that you could lose yourself in and a smile that made everyone around her feel good. She was a perfect wife. She worked hard as a nurse but always put Mike above all else. Sweet Pea was a beautiful pure bred Black Lab. She was large for a female and always wanted to play and run. She had endless energy and was a faithful companion. Sunday mornings were usually “dog park day” . That is, Mike and Katie would take Sweet Pea to the dog park so she could play with the other dogs and get much needed exercise.

“Honey”, Mike said, “I’m getting sick of going to the dog park.” It wasn’t that he was really sick of the dog park but it was July in Las Vegas, and was ridiculously hot. Mike referred to it as “the pit of hell.” Had he known how hot and unbearable the summers were in Las Vegas, he would have never left the East Coast. He always thought to himself “trading freezing winters for summers that were so hot, they take your breath away isn’t a good trade.“

“But babe, you know Sweet Pea needs her exercise” Katie answered. “It’s not fair that Sweet Pea has to spend all week in a crate and not be able to run around for a while on the weekend.“ Mike and Katie both worked full time during the week and Sweet Pea could not be trusted to be left alone in the house so she had to spend the day in a crate. “I know she needs her exercise, but I was thinking we could do something different. How about we take her to Mount Charleston?“ The temperature was always cooler in the mountains and Mike thought they could make a family day of it. Aside from that, Mike had been very stressed at work lately. He had been unable to sleep or concentrate and he thought the fresh air of the mountains would do him some good. “Awww, come on babe, it takes two hours to drive there and you know how you always complain when you do too much walking.” Katie replied. “Katie, we’ve lived here for two years and have never been to the mountains, it’ll be a beautiful change of scenery, come on, just this once.” Mike said. Katie gave Mike a loving look, her head cocked to the side and her brow raised. Mike knew this look meant he was about to get his way. And sure enough….he did. “Fine” Katie said, “we’ll go to the mountains.” Mike smiled, gave Katie a hug and said “It’s going to be great, we’ll pack a lunch and go hiking. That’ll wear Sweet Pea out.”

This was the only thing Mike could think about as he looked up to the heavens as if God would reach down and get him to safety. “Why didn’t I just listen to Katie?” He thought to himself. “If we would’ve just went to the dog park as usual, we’d be home right now. Sweet Pea would be taking her usual nap on the cool tile floor. Katie would be playing her computer games, and I, well it doesn’t matter what I’d be doing because I wouldn’t be here.” “DAMMIT!” he said aloud as he began to realize this nightmare was his fault. Just as he said that, the faint sounds of the leaves and crackling twigs stopped. Mike realized that his predator may have heard him. Mike’s thoughts returned to survival. There wasn’t time for the blame game. If he was going to get out alive, he needed to focus.

It was a beautiful day for a drive. The sun shone bright and hot, the sky as blue as Katie’s eyes and the clouds as puffy as a bed of snow Mike remembered from back East. The scenery on the way to Mount Charleston was breathtaking. Mike had never seen so many mountains. Tall ones, shorter ones, wide ones and narrow ones. Mike and Katie passed a few bikers on the way to the mountain. “Wow,” Mike thought, “those are some dedicated bikers.” It was 111 degrees in Las Vegas that day. Mike was perfectly content in the cool air conditioned SUV he, Katie and Sweet Pea rode in. Mike was looking forward to the cooler air of the mountain.

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