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I get out and walk every day. I love getting out and walking around here. I just haven't been able to lift weights in a few months. I have actually lost a lot of weight since I have been here and physically I feel great! I just want to also add the meditation because not only is a good for your body physically, it's good mentally as well and it helps release negative energy and thoughts and feelings. I am trying to make a legitimate effort to turn my life around because I know if I keep on going the way I am I'm just going to end up so miserable eventually one day I'm going to say fuck it and try something stupid again. The last time I think I survived for a reason but if I continue down this path of self-loathing to the point where it pushes anyone that comes into my life away, I will eventually try again. I really don't want that but that thought crosses my mind almost every day. I mean my grandfather has been a father to me and is still the only family I have left who will have anything to do with me so when something happens to him I know it's going to hit me hard so I have to prepare myself now so that way when something does happen it won't finish me off. I think I'm doing really well for myself and I feel like this move alone has saved my life. When I was in Virginia I lived in my mother's old house, the house she died in and while I am an atheist and don't believe in ghosts and such, I do believe in negative energy and I feel like that house was full of it and it scared me. I am in a much better place now both physically and mentally and emotionally as well. It's going to take time to really straighten myself out but time is really all I have.
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