[massacre man]

HDC: The Movie 0 or: An attempt to tie all of the stories together

*We return to earlier in the day, Massacre Man, Roderick Usher, and Illdojo are in their van traveling down the road*

Massacre Man: Alright, now will you tell me where the fuck we're going and why the fuck I'm driving there.

Roderick: Because, it's an abandoned campsite, that's basically a horror cliche' breeding-ground!

Massacre Man: Once again, why the fuck am I driving there?

Roderick: Don't you wanna see what kind of crazy things happen?

Massacre Man: No, I'd rather wake up tomorrow with my dick intact, I have something important I have to do tomorrow.

Roderick: What's that?

Massacre Man: Don't worry about it, just know the shit's important.

Roderick: Ok, but this is important to me... turn left.

*The van pulls up to the abandoned campsite*

Roderick: What do you wanna look at first? The lake, the woods, the bathrooms?

Dojo: Why the bathrooms?

Roderick: Well, in "Sleepaway Camp"...

Dojo: I know you're gonna drag this out, so nevermind.

Massacre Man: You know what we should check out?

Roderick: What?

Massacre Man: The fuckin'... road home.

Roderick: Hold on.

*Roderick runs to the lake*

Roderick: Just what do you think will be in here? Jason? The Blob from "Creepshow 2?"

Massacre Man: Probably fish and seaweed.

Roderick: Have an imagination, let's check the woods, maybe there will be a killer in there!

Massacre Man: Why would you wanna see a killer?

*Roderick runs off into the woods, Massacre Man follows, Dojo opens the back door of the van and sits with his bong and lights up, Kasey approaches him*

Kasey: Mind if I hit that?

*Dojo looks up, his eyes widen, he exhales the smoke and smiles*

Dojo: Sure.

Kasey: Thanks

*Kasey sits next to Dojo and grabs the bong from him*

Dojo: So, what's your name?

Kasey: It's Kasey, and why are you here?

Dojo: Something about my friend and the bathrooms here, I wasn't listening. But um... why are you here?

Kasey: I'm a counselor here, I have been for a while.

*Dojo leans forward and looks at all of the demolished and obviously abandoned buildings, he sits and looks at Kasey*

Dojo: Cool.

*Cut to Massacre Man walking through the woods alone*

Massacre Man: Rod, where are you?

*Roderick comes running over*

Roderick: Right here.

*Roderick walks over to Massacre Man*

Roderick: Find anything?

Massacre Man: No.

*A monkey, Zero. Let's out a scream and leaps from the tree directly behind Massacre Man, Zero lands oh his arm, he then swings the monkey over into Roderick's hands*

Massacre Man: What the fuck is a monkey doing in the woods?

Roderick: What should we do with it?

Massacre Man: Shouldn't we take it Animal Control or something?

Roderick: I don't know.

Massacre Man: I'll get the legs, you get the arms.

Roderick: Alright.

*Massacre Man and Roderick run out of the woods holding Zero, Dojo and Kasey stand up and watch the two searching for a place to put Zero*

Massacre Man: In your movie trunk!

Roderick: Then where will my movies go?

Massacre Man: On the floor for 20 fucking minutes.

*Massacre Man let's go of Zero and opens a box that says "Rod's Treasures" and turns it over, tons of classic horror DVDs and tapes fall out, they shove Zero inside and lock it, Massacre Man reaches into his pocket and grabs his pocket knife, he pokes a hole in the box*

Roderick: NO!

Massacre Man: What?

Roderick: Now it's not water-proof!

Dojo: I seriously doubt your movies would ever be under water.

Massacre Man: Come on, let's go get rid of this little asshole.

Dojo: Alright.

*Kasey wraps her arms around Dojo*

Kasey: Please don't go.

Dojo: Will you guys come back and get me after you're done.

Massacre Man: No.

Dojo:... Oh well.

*Dojo walks off with his bong in one hand and Kasey in the other, Massacre Man and Rod get in the van and start to drive off*

Rod: It's going crazy in there.

Massacre Man: It's locked in a fucking box, I would be going crazy too.

Rod: But still, it's tearing a hole in the chest.

Massacre Man: I put the hole there.

Rod: He's making it bigger...

Massacre Man: Put something heavy on top of it.

*Rod looks around and finds nothing, he sits on the box, a few seconds later he stands up quickly*

Roderick: It bit me!

Massacre Man: Don't put your ass in it's face.

*Zero makes the hole big enough to climb out and bite Rod's arm*

Roderick: What do I do?

Massacre Man: You're the movie expert! Throw it out the fucking window!

*Rod opens the back door of the moving van and throws Zero out, he lands in the grass outside of the mental institution*

Rod: It's gone...

*Rod walks to the front of the van and sits in the passenger seat*

Roderick: I think this would be the part in a horror movie where I first get the infection before I start eating people a few hours later.

Massacre Man: You think we should go back to get Dojo?

Roderick: Yeah, I hope that wasn't the last time we got to see him.

*The van turns around and they start traveling back to the campsite*

Roderick: I know a shortcut through the woods...