[massacre man]

HDC - The Movie


*Massacre Man and Roderick Usher are in a van traveling to the abandoned campsite to pick Illdojo and his new girlfriend, a creepy girl who is a counselor at a camp that has been abandoned for 38 years now*

Roderick: If this were a horror movie we'd break down right now.

*The van immediately stops*

Massacre Man: You had to say that shit in the middle of the fucking woods!

Roderick: Well, it's true that this is a stereotype horror scene, it's in like every movie ever.

Massacre Man: Well, fuck Dojo, I'm not walking to the fucking camp.

Roderick: About now we'd happen upon a creepy morgue.

*Massacre Man turns around and begins talking while still walking backward*

Massacre Man: Stop talking! Every time you bring up a fucking horror cliche' it happens, now there's gong to be a marathon of "Tales From The Crypt" on tomorrow, I don't want to get torn in half from my asshole up before I get to watch it, so shut the fuck up before...

*Massacre Man bumps into the creepy morgue*

Massacre Man: Rod, you don't know how much I fucking hate you right now.

Roderick: Now, we go inside to use the phone

Massacre Man: Whatever, but if you say another word I swear to God you will have suck dick through a straw.

*Massacre Man and Rod step inside a dim-lit room, with a body lying on a table, Newb standing over-top of the body, with a power-drill in one hand and a chicken salad sandwich in the other, Rod whispers*

Rod: Now he kills one of us and saves the other one to torture and perform creepy experiments on!

*Massacre Man pushes Rod and he bumps into Newb, who quickly turns jamming the drill into Rod's eyes, he falls to the ground dying, he then approaches Massacre Man, with Rod's last breath he speaks*

Rod: Now the door is stuck!

*Rod's head hits the floor, Massacre Man tries to run, but the doors are jammed, he turns and stares at Newb*

Massacre Man: God damn it, chain me up.

*Newb nails Massacre Man's elbows and knees to the wall and pulls out a series of odd tools, the camera cuts away to Kemal standing in the corner watching the torture*

Kemal: DAMN! That shit's whack!