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Chapter 12
I woke up on the morning of mothers funeral feeling completely rejuvenated. I had wonderful dreams of all of the things I could do with a pocket knife and a steady hand. I got up and got ready to go. Edith knocked at the door and I opened it with a big smile. I know it’s a sad day but I couldn’t help it. Edith said “Ok, we leave in an hour for the wake and then the funeral and home by two. Sound like a deal?” I said “That sounds perfect.” I walked out the door and followed Edith downstairs for breakfast. It seems like it will be a good day. I asked over cereal “What’s a wake?” the only funeral I had been to up till then was fathers and it was just a memorial service. Edith said “Well, we are doing a open casket wake so that you and others can say goodbye to your mother.” I felt the room shift a little “Wait, I’m going to see her again?” Edith said “Well, only if you want to.” I nodded thinking to myself “Will I be able to handle that? I will have to work hard to keep from touching her.” We finished up breakfast and Edith grabbed her keys and we headed for the car.
The drive was the same as it had been the day before but the funeral home was a lot closer. We didn’t even go into the city. We parked and headed in, I noticed that there were only a few cars in the parking lot. When we walked in the casket was set up at the far end of a row of chairs. There was a small sign in book and about ten people there. I didn’t recognize any of them, but they still all went out of their way to tell me how sorry they were. I put on my super sad face again and hammed it up for them.
Then Edith said “Do you want to go and see her?” I turned toward the casket and headed down the aisle. I wasn’t sure what to feel but flashes of her dangling from the ceiling were flashing through my mind. I tried taking some deep breaths to clear my head but it wasn’t working. I stepped up onto the platform and walked over to the casket. It was propped open from her waist up. She was in a beautiful dress and her makeup and hair were perfect. She was exactly as I remembered her. I stood there for a second just staring and I felt a shift inside of me. I felt the other me trying to take control. There was a need to touch her that washed over my body. I wanted to climb in the casket on top of her. I want to wipe the makeup off that was covering up the beautiful bruises that the rope had made around her neck. I started salivating and I felt flush. There was a internal struggle that I had to win. I fought it tooth and nail. Then I thought I saw her eyes move. They flicked toward me, I felt her hand grab my hand. Her mouth opened in a slack jawed gape. I felt her moving my hand toward her mouth, she was going to bite me. I pulled my hand back hard and fell backwards off of the platform.
The other people there rushed to help me up. I could hear everyone asking if I was ok and I felt all of their hands on my body. I started shaking and didn’t know what to do. I flung my arms out and pushed everyone away. Looking around the room slowly my eyes landed on the casket. I saw mother sitting up staring at me, her eyes blank and her hand on the corner of the casket tapping her fingers as if to say “Now what?” I wanted with every part of my body to go back up there and stab her, she was taunting me and nobody saw it. I screamed and ran out of the building. I didn’t stop running until I was in the middle of the cemetery.
I stopped and dropped my hands to my knees trying to catch my breath. As I felt my heartbeat start to slow down and my head stop spinning I straightened my back and realized I was standing in the middle of a huge cemetery. Surrounded entirely by the dead. I walked slowly between the tombstones and the mausoleums. I was looking for an open one that I could hide out in for a little while. I came across a large chamber with three stone caskets inside. The gate that covered the entrance was cracked open slightly. I walked in and sat down in one of the corners. I could hear people looking for me outside.
Sitting there I was trying to rationalize what happened inside but I couldn’t get all of the images straight in my head. It was like the whole thing was a jumble. I heard my voice ring out in my head “Michael, you’re ok, this sort of thing happens to our type. You just have to learn how to accept it.” I whispered so as not to be hear “I don’t know if I can do that. I feel like I’m losing my mind.” The voice said “You are, but its ok, it’s a good kind of insane that I bring to you. A freeing kind of insanity.” I sat quietly. Along with the sounds of the people looking for me outside I could hear the faint screams and bangs from the long dead family inside of the casket as they try to get out. I don’t think cemeteries are a place for me anymore.
Edith poked her head around the corner of the door and sighed loudly “I guess this wasn’t the best idea, are you ok?” As she plopped down next to me. I took one huge breath and said “Yeah, you know, I think I am ok. It was just a weird moment. But I think im ok now. Let’s go to the funeral and say our goodbyes.” She said “You are such a strong little man, I am very proud of you.” I got up and gave her my hand to help her off of the floor. I was starting to block out the noises coming from inside the coffins all over the graveyard, but I could still hear them.
The walk to the family mausoleum was torture. I could hear things clawing at the inside of their caskets as I moved through the cemetery. I could make out voices of men, women, and children. I knew that I wasn’t actually hearing them, I knew that they were dead and couldn’t make any noise but that didn’t stop them from doing it. I stood at the mausoleum as a team of men hired by the funeral home carried mothers casket into the room. They lifted it high and lowered it into place inside of a solid marble box. As they lowered her I could hear mother inside saying “Michael, you’re going to do beautiful things, just listen to yourself and follow your gut.” Then a hideous laugh, something between mothers old laugh and a gurgle. I stood there patiently, ignoring all of the noise. The priest was reciting something in Latin, it sounded nice but I had no idea what it meant. For a brief moment I saw a flash of the other me behind the priest with a long spear positioning it to impale him. I laughed out loud just a little and got a terrible look from Edith. I guess that was out of place. I apologized with my eyes and went back to listening.
After the service ended they would use a machine the cover the tomb with a huge slab of marble never to be opened again. I swore that I would never set foot in that cemetery againas we drove away from it. I was exhausted from all of the emotion of the day and couldn’t wait to get home and go to bed. It was all just so much. The drive home was mostly uneventful, it was quiet and nice and I almost fell asleep. We pulled back into the driveway and through the gates. After parking out front we went inside to have dinner. I thought to myself “Wouldn’t it be nice if mother came to dinner tonight?” But then I remembered that I wouldn’t be having dinner with her anymore. It was just me and Edith in this huge house, at least for now.
I went up to my room to change into more comfortable clothes and relax for a little while. Edith went to the kitchen to make dinner. After being out of my room all day and then walking back into it, I realized that it smelled horrible in there. No matter how clean I tried to be, apparently not showering for a week had made quite an impression on my bedroom. I went to the windows and slid them open and turned on a fan hoping to air it out a bit. Plopping down on the couch I tried to let the day process a little. As soon as I started to calm down, I heard my voice again “Well today was fun.” I laughed and looked back at the events of the day. Even though it was a little terrifying at first, it really was fun. It was a rush to see mother move, it was a crazy to feel her cold dry hand on mine. I loved it, I loved every minute of it. “See its great with me here. We are going to have so much fun.” I was ready for the next step.
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