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I was involved in a short film once (did the soundtrack and theme song), and know how much time and effort it takes to put something like this together, so I don't like to be too critical. However, I hate to say it, overall the piece was pretty hard to get into.
On the positive side, you were easily the best actor of the three. The guy who played Al was hard to watch, but you look like you've done it before.
If you're going to go for a somewhat long short (20 minutes), the first 15 minutes need to give the viewers more than two guys being bored in a cabin. We have no reason to like these guys, and no reason to empathize with their decline into boredom. Once something finally did happen, no explanation, backstory or mythology was used to give credence to the supernatural element, and the one action sequence was not strong enough to reward the viewers for the long, flat buildup. The final set piece, however, was pretty effective, and might have been a fair enough payoff had the first 19 minutes been cut to about 5.
Keep it up! You've got some talent, but your crew needs to tighten up the script, improve the writing, and maybe get Al some acting lessons. Good luck!
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Avatar by Alejandro de Antonio Fernandez.
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