HDC Weekly Debate #1 - Is it OK for parents to monitor their kids' activities?

[_____V_____]

Often, I have been a keen observer on sporadic and healthy debates springing up in sparse threads which makes for very engrossing reading. I must say HDC members are very talented when it comes to exchanging ideas or generating a healthy debate, each respecting the other's point of view.

Which gave me the idea for this thread...every week, we shall have a Weekly HDC Debate on a raging current topic. You may choose your side in the poll - FOR or AGAINST - and then proceed to put forth your point of view, or argument, of why you have made that particular choice.

So, onwards into our very first topic...


There's been so many incidents involving teenagers going out of control since the Virginia Tech massacre. Lately in our own HDC forum, we have seen videos of shocking brutality committed by...teenagers!

News of teenagers rampaging through an Australian school made the rounds...gangs, punks, emulating gangsters...

Is today's teenager insecure? Or does he need psychiatric evaluation? Depression, anorexia, violent behaviour...these symptoms were more or less somewhat under control, but how aggressively has this poured out in the past few years.

Do parents share any sort of responsibility for their children's actions?

Should kids be let free to make their own decisions regarding company, friendship, choices and futures?

OR

Should parents monitor their kids closely till they are good enough to take their own decisions? Will a kid feel safe at a home where his / her parents are either a) very possessive and careful (or) b) very lenient and let him do his own stuff?

I know we have a lot of concerned parents as members of HDC, some of them even grandparents also. Things might have been different like...say...10 years ago, but today, what can you do...in your role as a senior in your family, to cope with such a situation?

Analyse, and feel free to put forward your view on this very critical problem which faces our society today.

And please be reminded that this topic is to generate a sort of healthy debate, and should not deteriorate into name-calling or verbal abuse.

Go ahead, folks.

[Freak]

I think parents should monitor there kids to an certain point.Like keeping track of who there friends with and who they talk to on the internet.

But at the same time I think more parents should discipline their children to.But parents are afraid to do so cause everything is considered child abuse these days.

Kids these days suffer from lack of positive reinforcement.Parents need to be more active in there child life.Not spying on them but spending more time with them and really driving the fact into them about whats right and whats wrong.

[_____V_____]

Very well said, Freak. I totally agree about a parent being his kid's best friend can help solve this problem in a HUGE way.

Choose please, in the poll too.

[Roderick Usher]

There is a difference between monitoring and spying. I monitor by simply staying involved in my kids' lives and sharing my enthusisams with them.

I feel the biggest problem is that parents wait too long to open a 100% honest dialog with thier kids, thinking that young children cannot handle the truth.

As a result pre-teens raised in this kind of environment are getting "the truth" (sex, drugs, religion, death, etc) from sources outside the home. This nulifies the parent's point of view RIGHT at the time when most parents (that I know, at least) try to establish this dialog. At this point, the kids think their parents are dorks and hide stuff from them. Then parent end up spying, which makes the kids feel they aren't trustworthy.

Being honest early and staying involved in your childrens' lives is the way I've chosen to avoid spying. I know my kids will tell me the truth, because I give them the same respect. I actually have other kids coming over to ask my advice on how to tell their parents about stupid shit they've done - which is an awkward position to be in.

But I'm also the only paret in my son's class that makes the other children call me Mr. Keller. All the other parents allow the children to call them by thier first names, becasue they don't want to feel old. THIS IS BULLSHIT!!!!!! Without a title, the kids view you as an equal... I am not my children's equal, I am THE authority figure in thier lives and act as an authority around all the other children in our neighborhood.

[GorePhobia]

I am for it because if the parents involved themselves in their kids lives on a daily basis I believe it would help take away some of the angst and craziness that has occured with teens today. The teens who fight people, join gangs, do drugs, and all that in my mind are shut out by their parents or abused by their parents or someone in their family. If they had their parents support and help in their lives I think it would completely cut down on all the violence.

[_____V_____]

Very true. You are their father AND their friend, both at the same time. You are an excellent example, Sean.

There's nothing like spending quality time AND quality interaction with your own children because, for the simple reason, they are YOUR OWN CHILDREN.

When one can go out and waste mindless hours with one's friends partying and doing other stuff...why can't one use that SAME time to sit together with one's own kid and ease him into one's life by way of positive interactions? That way they will always have someone close to their heart to be open with, which would be a HUGE factor in them not straying away into such bad company.

Our kids need us too, more than we realise it.

All good points, Sean...and Gore too.

[GorePhobia]

Thank's V.

Parents just need to try and involve themselves as much as possible in their kids lives.

[urgeok2]

I've said this before - but most of the kids acting like gangsters are kids who's parents take little or no roll in their childrens lives.

especially single parents. 2 parents trying to raise a kid can be tough enough - let alone 1.

I know shit happens and not all single parents planned things to be that way - i'm just saying it's really hard to be there for a kid when you're earning the bread by yourself.

then there are the kids who are the children of other kids. teenage pregnancy is no doubt the largest contributer to creating little career criminals there is.

no one to set an example, no one to give a shit.


do i monitor my kid ? .. not really - he's too young and i doubt that we ever will need to even when he's older.
We're very involved in our sons life - and we have a 100% open and honest relationship with him.

I'm not saying we dont make mistakes .. every parent - even the best ones - do, but all the signs are looking good so far. He can be a handful with a pretty severe case of ADHD ... but he's bright, funny, kind, sensitive and loving ...
I'm pretty sure he's going to do great - and we're proud of him.

[Roderick Usher]

good job, Urge. I know you're doing it right.

[urgeok2]

good job, Urge. I know you're doing it right.

i'll let you know in 15 years :)

[ferretchucker]

I put no for one reason and that is this.

I think parents should play an important role in their childrens lives and should keep and eye on what they're doing, but then there are the parents who would take that too far and just make an all around invasion of privacy. I was watching a programme the other day called the cotton wool kids. One of the parents was so focused on keeping an eye on her daughter, she put a tracking chip into her! A chip under her skin so she could know where she was anytime she wanted! So I'm in between but I thought I'd better pick no because of that.

[GorePhobia]

Well there is a fine line between checking up on their kids and just blatantly spying on them just like Rod said.

[illdojo]

I've said this before - but most of the kids acting like gangsters are kids who's parents take little or no roll in their childrens lives.

especially single parents. 2 parents trying to raise a kid can be tough enough - let alone 1.

I know shit happens and not all single parents planned things to be that way - i'm just saying it's really hard to be there for a kid when you're earning the bread by yourself.

then there are the kids who are the children of other kids. teenage pregnancy is no doubt the largest contributer to creating little career criminals there is.

no one to set an example, no one to give a shit.


do i monitor my kid ? .. not really - he's too young and i doubt that we ever will need to even when he's older.
We're very involved in our sons life - and we have a 100% open and honest relationship with him.

I'm not saying we dont make mistakes .. every parent - even the best ones - do, but all the signs are looking good so far. He can be a handful with a pretty severe case of ADHD ... but he's bright, funny, kind, sensitive and loving ...
I'm pretty sure he's going to do great - and we're proud of him.

Well said, and good job raising your child, Urge. :cool:

[Doc Faustus]

Usually, good parents don't have children who download bestiality and sacrifice babies to Satan the moment they turn their backs. Modern America seems to think they do. If you raise your children, listen to them and make sure they don't hang out with gun toting ruffians they'll probably turn out okay. Even if they happen to see breasts at some point.

[Dude Guadalupe]

It really is a mixture of positive influence and involvment. Monitoring can be a unsettling word, people think of privacy invasion when they hear it. But you have to know what they do at least some of the time, and if you have done your job right, you can trust them to make the right decisions on their own the rest of the time.

It doesn't take a whole lot. My parents were just wrong on many levels and I could have easily been one of those kids you hear about on the news. I mean, I did a lot of things I'm not proud of but it could have been worse.

All it took was one person (my grandma) to be a positive influence, to show me right and wrong, and to let me know that somebody gave a shit. Once you get those basics worked out, everything else kinda falls into place. It did for me anyway, and hopefully it will work the same way with my kids.

[_____V_____]

There seems to be a fine line there.

How MUCH monitoring can be actually considered monitoring without invasion of privacy or being touted as surveillance? Remember, once a kid gets the vibes that he is under scrutiny, he might get more rebellious.

I think its a very delicate balance. The future of the entire relationship between parents and children hangs in the balance.

[Despare]

I'm not a parent yet so I'll let you know then. I do however think that children are privy to very little real privacy. I'm not going to go to the old "my house my rules, you have no privacy" extreme but I do believe that monitoring through staying involved in their life as much as possible is the way to go. I guess my thought is a little more old school than most though. I'll never be the parent whose seven year old has a cell phone or who has the thirteen year old with no curfew who doesn't have to touch base at home before spending the weekend at a friends. I also won't be the dad who invites his son and his son's friends to share a joint. I've seen a lot of parents like that and while each person is free to parent the way they see fit I just don't agree with it. It may seem like I'm drifting off topic but really I'm trying to illustrate how my feelings on children and privacy may be a little older and less popular than the views of most.

[newb]

I have nothing much to add that hasn't been said....I have four great kids who haven't given me an ounce of trouble. I never really "monitored" my kids but I have been very much a part of their lives and kept close tabs on them without being intrusive.