ChronoGrl
11-22-2007, 02:05 PM
So my boyfriend has a penchant for all things zombie - stories, movies, novels... I thought that for his Birthday (January 24th) I would write him a zombie story. It's been a while since I've actually sat down to write, so I'm a little rusty.
I'd love for you guys to take a peek (since I'm looking for feedback and my boyfriend is the ONLY one I know who enjoys horror as much as I do... and obviously he isn't allowed to look yet).
I know how I want my story to begin and I know how I want it to end.
But I decided to start it somewhere in the middle... The protagonist is a 20-something woman who's survived the Zombie apocalypse so far. Escaped New York city and has been ambushed somewhere in upstate New York... But I haven't written THOSE details yet.
So here goes___________________________________________
I came to with the acrid smell of the undead. The stench of roots and decay, dissolving fetid flesh. It was the snarling that hit my senses second, that unreal subhuman sneer, mixing with the strain of metal against cement floor.
“Hey Beautiful, glad to see you’re up.”
The room was small and cold. Shackles cut into the flesh of my wrist and as I strained to lean forward, my shoulders burned. I pulled at my hands, but found them bound fast behind my back. I was against a dirty wall and could feel the cool heaviness of metal digging into my collarbone. I opened my eyes slowly, a hulking figure stood above me in stained blue overalls, the toe of his workboots tapping against the floor. The growling continued to my right. I snapped my head quickly toward the sound and felt my breath intake in horror. Less than two feet away was one of the Infected, mouth caked with dirt, its bottom lip chewed away to show yellow exposed teeth. Its hollowed eyes craned toward me. The yellow teeth scowled and it strained against its chains. The strength of its hunger forced it toward me, violently jerking.
“Jesus fucking Christ! What the FUCK?!” I instinctively dug my heels into the floor and pushed myself away from it, my back hitting the cold brick corner of the room nearly immediately, my shock melting into fear. This was the closest I had been to one of those things in months and the familiar smell of close death almost sent me into a panic. The sweat had soaked through my shirt and the coolness of the wall penetrated into my shoulder blades. I shivered as the thing continued to lunge against its restraints.
The man in overalls walked toward me and pulled a rag out of his front pocket. He knelt down in front of me. The smell of his breath was a mixture of sour whiskey and swampgrass, and he ran the rag roughly across my face. “Now, now, no need to bend yourself out of shape.”
“What the FUCK are you do-“
His hand cut across my face, the sharp blow knocking the taste of blood into my mouth. The jar jerked my head into the cold stone and I was momentarily stunned. “Now, that is no way for a young lady to talk.”
I moaned and pressed myself against the corner. Sliding down against the wall away from him.
“That’s better,” he brushed his knees off and stood again. “You know, I find myself so lucky that you’re here. I’ve been so incredibly lonely.”
The thing to my right continued to growl and scrape across the floor. He turned to it and smiled whimsically. “Except for Benny, of course.”
I furrowed my brow and glared. “Benny? That’s… Benny?” The thing to my right had graying scalp where hair used to be. Its fingernails were abnormally long and caked with dirt. They continued to reach toward me with famished fury. “Why would you name it?”
“It’s not an it, it’s a him, and I would ask you to show some respect in this house. You are, after all, our guest.”
I swallowed and felt the metal against my throat. Leaning away from the writhing beast to my right, I pushed my face against the wall.
“Benny’s my lil’ brother. I love him with all my life, you know.” He looked at the thing clawing the air in my direction. “Just recently, however,” he leaned down again and got close to my face again, his eyebrows raising in mock sympathy, his lips pursed, “he ain’t been feeling too well.”
The thing moaned and screamed and I turned toward it again, its skin grey and bloody, the bone showing through its left shoulder blade. The man in the overalls grabbed his gut and chuckled to himself. “Boy, I LOVE that joke!”
“He’s not your brother anymore,” I panted, tugging my hand against the restraints. There was a time when I had had such small hands. “Your brother’s gone. I’m sorry to say, Guy, but that’s it. He’s not your brother anymore. He’s a thing. He’s – dangerous.”
“Awww, now. Benny’s not dangerous… To me.” It continued to pull against the chains. Its collarbone was raw and exposed against the thick iron manacle. The man turned toward the creature, “Benny.” It growled and spit, the end of its restraints, just barely two feet from me. “BENNY!”
The growling instantly stopped. Its arms lowered, resting the scabbed palms to the floor. Its bloodshot deep set eyes rolled slowly in its head, moving from my corner, and swiveling toward the center of the room, fixing on the man with dead bleared clarity. It crouched and rumbled.
“Benny, my sweet little brother.” He took a step toward the thing, its bloodthirsty reserve suddenly dopily confused. “Yeah, that’s it, sweet lil’ bro.” The thing looked up at him, a strange hint of recognition in its empty, yet somehow doleful gaze. I held my breath. It stretched itself across the floor, palms down and reaching for the toe of the man’s boot, as though in subservient supplication. The man’s eyes watered and then he turned back to me and shook his head sadly. “Benny doesn’t try to bite me… anymore.”
I shifted on the floor, the metal of my restraints clanked against the wall and the fraternal spell was broken immediately. Benny jerked back toward me, violently snapped from its momentary reverie. Its teeth clacked and it threw itself against the chains, lunging toward my corner. The dark sunken eyes were awake and ravenous. It snarled and screamed.
“Now you on the other hand,” The man chuckled, turning back to me and licking his dried, cracked lips. “Oh, he would have a good time with you. And it’s been a while since he’s been properly fed.”
I'd love for you guys to take a peek (since I'm looking for feedback and my boyfriend is the ONLY one I know who enjoys horror as much as I do... and obviously he isn't allowed to look yet).
I know how I want my story to begin and I know how I want it to end.
But I decided to start it somewhere in the middle... The protagonist is a 20-something woman who's survived the Zombie apocalypse so far. Escaped New York city and has been ambushed somewhere in upstate New York... But I haven't written THOSE details yet.
So here goes___________________________________________
I came to with the acrid smell of the undead. The stench of roots and decay, dissolving fetid flesh. It was the snarling that hit my senses second, that unreal subhuman sneer, mixing with the strain of metal against cement floor.
“Hey Beautiful, glad to see you’re up.”
The room was small and cold. Shackles cut into the flesh of my wrist and as I strained to lean forward, my shoulders burned. I pulled at my hands, but found them bound fast behind my back. I was against a dirty wall and could feel the cool heaviness of metal digging into my collarbone. I opened my eyes slowly, a hulking figure stood above me in stained blue overalls, the toe of his workboots tapping against the floor. The growling continued to my right. I snapped my head quickly toward the sound and felt my breath intake in horror. Less than two feet away was one of the Infected, mouth caked with dirt, its bottom lip chewed away to show yellow exposed teeth. Its hollowed eyes craned toward me. The yellow teeth scowled and it strained against its chains. The strength of its hunger forced it toward me, violently jerking.
“Jesus fucking Christ! What the FUCK?!” I instinctively dug my heels into the floor and pushed myself away from it, my back hitting the cold brick corner of the room nearly immediately, my shock melting into fear. This was the closest I had been to one of those things in months and the familiar smell of close death almost sent me into a panic. The sweat had soaked through my shirt and the coolness of the wall penetrated into my shoulder blades. I shivered as the thing continued to lunge against its restraints.
The man in overalls walked toward me and pulled a rag out of his front pocket. He knelt down in front of me. The smell of his breath was a mixture of sour whiskey and swampgrass, and he ran the rag roughly across my face. “Now, now, no need to bend yourself out of shape.”
“What the FUCK are you do-“
His hand cut across my face, the sharp blow knocking the taste of blood into my mouth. The jar jerked my head into the cold stone and I was momentarily stunned. “Now, that is no way for a young lady to talk.”
I moaned and pressed myself against the corner. Sliding down against the wall away from him.
“That’s better,” he brushed his knees off and stood again. “You know, I find myself so lucky that you’re here. I’ve been so incredibly lonely.”
The thing to my right continued to growl and scrape across the floor. He turned to it and smiled whimsically. “Except for Benny, of course.”
I furrowed my brow and glared. “Benny? That’s… Benny?” The thing to my right had graying scalp where hair used to be. Its fingernails were abnormally long and caked with dirt. They continued to reach toward me with famished fury. “Why would you name it?”
“It’s not an it, it’s a him, and I would ask you to show some respect in this house. You are, after all, our guest.”
I swallowed and felt the metal against my throat. Leaning away from the writhing beast to my right, I pushed my face against the wall.
“Benny’s my lil’ brother. I love him with all my life, you know.” He looked at the thing clawing the air in my direction. “Just recently, however,” he leaned down again and got close to my face again, his eyebrows raising in mock sympathy, his lips pursed, “he ain’t been feeling too well.”
The thing moaned and screamed and I turned toward it again, its skin grey and bloody, the bone showing through its left shoulder blade. The man in the overalls grabbed his gut and chuckled to himself. “Boy, I LOVE that joke!”
“He’s not your brother anymore,” I panted, tugging my hand against the restraints. There was a time when I had had such small hands. “Your brother’s gone. I’m sorry to say, Guy, but that’s it. He’s not your brother anymore. He’s a thing. He’s – dangerous.”
“Awww, now. Benny’s not dangerous… To me.” It continued to pull against the chains. Its collarbone was raw and exposed against the thick iron manacle. The man turned toward the creature, “Benny.” It growled and spit, the end of its restraints, just barely two feet from me. “BENNY!”
The growling instantly stopped. Its arms lowered, resting the scabbed palms to the floor. Its bloodshot deep set eyes rolled slowly in its head, moving from my corner, and swiveling toward the center of the room, fixing on the man with dead bleared clarity. It crouched and rumbled.
“Benny, my sweet little brother.” He took a step toward the thing, its bloodthirsty reserve suddenly dopily confused. “Yeah, that’s it, sweet lil’ bro.” The thing looked up at him, a strange hint of recognition in its empty, yet somehow doleful gaze. I held my breath. It stretched itself across the floor, palms down and reaching for the toe of the man’s boot, as though in subservient supplication. The man’s eyes watered and then he turned back to me and shook his head sadly. “Benny doesn’t try to bite me… anymore.”
I shifted on the floor, the metal of my restraints clanked against the wall and the fraternal spell was broken immediately. Benny jerked back toward me, violently snapped from its momentary reverie. Its teeth clacked and it threw itself against the chains, lunging toward my corner. The dark sunken eyes were awake and ravenous. It snarled and screamed.
“Now you on the other hand,” The man chuckled, turning back to me and licking his dried, cracked lips. “Oh, he would have a good time with you. And it’s been a while since he’s been properly fed.”