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HodderFan2004
01-03-2004, 05:46 PM
I posted the beginning of this in another forum but i suspect this is better. It's as yet to be titled short horror script that i'm writing for Legion Films. This post contains the beginning that was posted in the other forum as well as several more pages. Feedback is always appreciated.
-
Copyright 2004-2006 Arthur R. Phillips
-

FADE IN:

EXT. ROAD - NIGHT

We are paved road with a few houses scattered here and there
along it's length. Two hitch-hikers are standing along the side
of the road, sharing a smoke and discussing the general absence
of a ride.
Perhaps one or two vehicles go by but nobody is interested in stopping. The hitch-hikers have with them some
basic camping gear that's strapped to their backs.

TOM
Why not ?

MICHAEL
I'm not trudging back across no goddamn
field to sleep in a crackhouse, I mean did
you see that place ?

TOM
We don't have to go inside, we can sleep out
in the field

MICHAEL
And get shot by some drunken rednecks no
thank you

TOM
Don't be a pussy

MICHAEL
Excuse me ?

TOM
Don't be a fucking pussy, besides, my feet
are killing me

MICHAEL tosses the cigarette into a ditch and looks around.
He's hoping someone will still stop.

TOM(CONT)
Well ?

MICHAEL
Fine, we'll go back to Bates Motel, but if
some guy with a chainsaw pops out of the
woods i'm leaving your ass there

TOM
Fine

MICHAEL
(resigned)
Let's go

EXT. FIELD - MOMENTS LATER

MICHAEL and TOM are strolling across the field. MICHAEL is
particularly nervous but TOM seems to see this as an adventure
of sorts.

MICHAEL
I don't like this

TOM
You sound like my ex

MICHAEL
During sex right ?

TOM
Asshole, you've watched one too many of
those stupid horror movies that's your
problem

MICHAEL
Horror movies can teach us a lot

TOM
Like what ?

MICHAEL
Like don't go into a dark field at night
without a machete

TOM
I have a lighter

MICHAEL
Well that's great if we wanna singe the
killers eyebrows

TOM
How about you stop whining
(pointing)
There's the house

MICHAEL
I thought we weren't going in ?

TOM
We're not, we're camping outside

MICHAEL drops his stuff.

MICHAEL
Fine, we stop here

TOM
(dropping his pack)
You know this little road trip was your idea
not mine

MICHAEL unrolls a sleeping bag, and flops down, lighting
another cigarette. TOM stands there looking around.

MICHAEL
Looking for the axe wielding psycho ?

TOM
I heard something

MICHAEL
Probably a bear

TOM
A bear in this area ?

MICHAEL
Well okay, a deer ?

TOM
I think it came from the house

MICHAEL
Well maybe, big deal, I'm sure whatever it
is doesn't need us poking our noses around

TOM
I'm gonna go check it out
(beat)
You coming ?

MICHAEL
Fuck no

TOM
Oh c'mon for God sake

MICHAEL
No

TOM
Fine, you wait here and wait for the bears
and the deer

TOM walks off whistling.

MICHAEL
Asshole

MICHAEL opens his sleeping bag and starts searching for
something in his knapsack.

INT. PORCH - MOMENTS LATER

TOM is standing on the porch of the dilapidated house.

TOM
Trick or treat !

Silence.

TOM peers in to where the front door should be.

TOM
(to MICHAEL)
Empty !

MICHAEL
So's your head !

TOM turns his attention back to the house.

He enters and we go to ...

INT. HALLWAY

A very long hallways with rooms on either side. The hallway
goes all the way to the backdoor.

TOM
Jesus
(to MICHAEL)
Hey you should come take a look at this !

MICHAEL(OS)
Like hell !

TOM continues walking and turns left into ...

INT. KITCHEN - CONTINUOUS

Red cabinets line the walls and an old stove is pulled out from
the wall.

TOM
Oh this is seriously creepy

TOM slowly approaches one of the cupboards and a power tool
falls from it. TOM jumps.

TOM(CONT)
Jesus

TOM turns back towards the kitchen door and goes back out into
the ...

INT. HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS

TOM looks up and down the hallway and hears something.

TOM
Hello ?
(beat)
Anybody home ?

TOM moves toward ...

INT. THE SHIRT ROOM - CONTINUOUS

Some dress shirts are hanging on a line and the floor is
cluttered with what appears to be fur. TOM approaches the
shirts and runs a finger along them.

The sound again.

TOM turns.

TOM
Michael ?!

No reply.

TOM moves into ...

INT. HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS

The hallway. TOM (and the audience) get the idea that someone
or something just ducked into one of the room near the back of
the house.

TOM
(loudly but not yelling)
Michael !
(beat)
Whoever this is come out from where you are
!

Silence.

TOM looks up and down the hallway again. He moves down the
hallway and turns into ...

INT. BEE ROOM - CONTINUOUS

There's a small cabinet in the room as well as an abundance of
wasps nests, and honey combs.

TOM
I don't like this

The sound again.

TOM is becoming agitated.

He moves back into ...

INT. HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS

TOM
Who the fuck's in here ?!
(beat)
Michael ?!
(beat)
Micheal answer me !

Silence.

TOM holds his hand to his head. As he does this he backs into
...

INT. EMPTY ROOM - CONTINUOUS

He looks around.

One door leads to the bee room and the other back to the
hallway.

TOM
Something smells like shit

TOM looks around the room and goes back into ...

INT. HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS

... the hallway and heads directly towards the batroom. The
toilet is filled with a red, viscous fluid.

TOM
Goddamn

Someone walks past him down the hall. Is it Michael ?. TOM
doesn't notice.

He moves from the bathroom to ...

INT. HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS

He walks toward the back of the house and into ...

INT. BEDROOM - CONTINUOUS

What appears to possibly be a bedroom. The sound of a small
appliance of some sort starting up can be heard somewhere in
the house. TOM freezes. He goes to the bedroom door and peers
down either end of the hallway.

TOM
Michael this isn't funny

The appliance is still buzzing.

He moves into the ...

INT. HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS

... and proceeds directly to the kitchen.

INT. KITCHEN - CONTINUOUS

TOM steps into the kitchen. An electric knife is lying on the
floor. It's running.

TOM
What the ?

Someone moves down the hallway behind TOM. He turns.

TOM(CONT)
Who's there ?
(beat)
Michael you asshole this isn't funny !

He turns back towards the buzzing knife, looks around, goes
over, and picks it up carefully. He throws it angrily to stop
it. It crashes into the wall and dies.

MICHAEL appears behind him.

MICHAEL
What's up ?

TOM turns with a start.

TOM
Jesus Christ don't sneak up on me like that
?

MICHAEL
Sounded like you were pitching a fit

TOM
Someone's in this house

MICHAEL
What ?

TOM
Someone's here

MICHAEL
Who ?

TOM
I don't know who

MICHAEL
Your imagination is running away with you,
this place is dead

TOM
I saw something

MICHAEL
Something ?

TOM
Yes

MICHAEL
What was it ?

TOM
Somebody

MICHAEL
Alright now you're not making sense

TOM
Someone came in here and turned on an
electric knife and left it on the floor

MICHAEL
What ?

TOM
I came in here, and I opened one of the
cupboards and a knife fell out, I left it
where it was, I went into another room, and
... and it came on, I came back here and it
was lying on the floor running

MICHAEL
You probably jarred something when it fell
on the floor in the first place

TOM
I don't think so

MICHAEL
Tom this house is empty

TOM
Well then you go take a look, i'm staying
right here

MICHAEL
You know Tom you don't look well

TOM
I'm just starting to think that maybe this
wasn't such a good idea after all
(beat)
I'll stay here, you go look in the other
rooms, watch out for bees

MICHAEL
Bees ?

TOM
Yes

MICHAEL
Alright then, you wait here, Jesus

MICHAEL leaves the kitchen.

TOM
I don't think Jesus has anything to do with
this place

INT. HALLWAY - MOMENTS LATER

MICHAEL is walking slowly up the hallway, peering into rooms.
He enters the ...

INT. BEE ROOM - CONTINUOUS

MICHAEL
(shouting)
Hey Tom ?

TOM(OS)
What ?

MICHAEL
Found some bees !

TOM(OS)
What ?!

MICHAEL
I'm in the ... uh ... bee room !
(beat)
Don't tell me you're scared of bees !

TOM(OS)
(shouting)
I don't think we should be shouting

MICHAEL
(shouting)
I think you're crackers !

INT. KITCHEN - CONTINUOUS

TOM is looking around the kitchen.

TOM
(loudly)
Hey Michael ?

No response.

TOM(CONT)
(louder)
Mike ?!

No response.


---TO BE CONTINUED--- Enjoy :)

HodderFan2004

Horror 101
01-03-2004, 06:54 PM
Awesome so far, dude. I like it a lot.

Not sure how we'd do the bee room, though. The room has a few randomly placed wasp/bee nests, but they seem to have been vacated long ago.

Aasiyan
01-04-2004, 01:16 PM
Interesting story. I like it. :)

HodderFan2004
01-04-2004, 03:29 PM
Here's a little more. Of course I'm going to stop short of the ending hehehe. And thanks for the comments !
-
INT. KITCHEN - CONTINUOUS

TOM is looking around the kitchen.

TOM
(loudly)
Hey Michael ?

No response.

TOM(CONT)
(louder)
Mike ?!

No response.

TOM(CONT)
Answer me !

No response.

TOM takes another look around the kitchen.

TOM(CONT)
Mike !?

No response.

TOM angrily goes out into the ...

INT. HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS

TOM looks up and down the hallway.

TOM
Mike !

No response.

TOM(CONT)
This is really not funny !

TOM heads toward the ...

INT. BEE ROOM - CONTINUOUS

MICHAEL is not there.

TOM looks around.

TOM
(panic)
Mike !

Someone walks past the door.

TOM turns.

He goes to the ...

INT. HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS

TOM looks around.

TOM
What the hell ?

MICHEAL is suddenly behind TOM.

MICHAEL
Boo !

TOM turns and punches MICHAEL in the face.

MICHAEL(CONT)
What the fuck was that for !?

TOM
I told you not to sneak up on me, look we
better leave this house

MICHAEL
You didn't have to hit me, asshole

TOM
I'm leaving

MICHAEL
Don't you want to take a look around ?

TOM
I don't think so

MICHAEL
You're really scared aren't you ?

TOM
(lying)
No

MICHAEL
Bullshit, look I'm gonna take another look
around, this place is definately creepy

TOM
Something bad happened here

MICHAEL
Yeah you punched me in the face

TOM
There's blood in the toilet

MICHAEL
What ?

TOM
There's blood in the toilet, and I think one
or two body parts

MICHAEL
Body parts ?

TOM
Go look for yourself

MICHAEL
Wait here

TOM
I'm not moving

MICHAEL goes into the bathroom.

MICHAEL(OS)
Jesus

TOM
See

Silence.

TOM(CONT)
C'mon let's get the hell out of here

Silence.

TOM(CONT)
C'mon asshead I ain't got all day

Silence.

TOM goes to the bathrroom door. It's empty.

TOM(CONT)
What ...

TOM cannot believe what he's seeing.

TOM(CONT)
Oh this is bad

TOM turns and suddenly he's ...

INT. BEE ROOM - CONTINUOUS

In the bee room.

He looks around.

TOM
God
(beat)
What is this place

Someone walks behind him, down the hall.

TOM immediately follows to ...

INT. HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS

Empty.

TOM
Oh God what's happening

The sound of an electric knife in another room.

TOM jerks around.

TOM(CONT)
(rage/panic)
Who's there ?!

TOM is trying to regain his composure. He's terrified but
trying to hold everything together.

TOM(CONT)
Gotta find Mike, gotta find Mike, okay, um,
okay this isn't happening it really isn't

TOM looks around and heads toward the kitchen.

INT. KITCHEN - CONTINUOUS

The knife is sitting on the floor, where it was before.
Running.

TOM
Okay then
(beat)
Mike ?! ... Mike answer me goddamn it !

Silence.

TOM(CONT)
Walk out, walk out of the house, leave the
house, don't turn around, Michael wants to
play goddamn games, fine he can stay here

TOM leaves the kitchen but he's suddenly ...

INT. KITCHEN - CONTINUOUS

Entering the kitchen.

TOM is knocked off his feet by complete shock. He looks around
in terror.

MICHAEL calls from another room.

MICHAEL(OS)
Hey Tom !?

TOM
(standing quickly)
Mike ?!

MICHAEL(OS)
Where the hell are you ?!

TOM
(shaky)
I'm in the kitchen

INT. THE SHIRT ROOM - CONTINUOUS

MICHAEL standing there, studying everything.

MICHAEL
Look I think we better get out of here !

TOM(OS)
I can't !

MICHAEL
What ?!

INT. KITCHEN - CONTINUOUS

TOM
(not sure what to say or do)
Come to the kitchen !

Silence.

TOM(CONT)
Michael !

Silence.

INT. THE SHIRT ROOM - CONTINUOUS

MICHAEL
(to himself)
We really shouldn't be yelling
(beat)
There's someone in the house

TOM(OS)
Michael !

MICHAEL
(screaming)
What ?!

TOM(OS)
Who's in here with us ?!

MICHAEL
I don't know !
(softly)
But we're not getting out alive ... that's
for damn sure
INT. KITCHEN - CONTINUOUS

TOM is looking around.

TOM
Michael !?

MICHAEL(OS)
What ?!

TOM
I'm gonna try and leave the kitchen again
!?, go to the hallway

MICHAEL(OS)
What do you mean you're going to try and
leave the kitchen again ?!, what's happening
?!

TOM
(quietly)
Fucked if i know

TOM looks at the kitchen door and barges right through it into
...

INT. HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS

TOM
(relief)
Thank God, Mike ?

No response.

TOM(CONT)
Mike where are you ?

No response.

TOM(CONT)
Look asshole this isn't funny, answer me !

No response.

TOM(CONT)
(quietly to himself)
What room did he say he was in ?, uhm, the
bee room, i'll try the bee room

INT. BEE ROOM - MOMENTS LATER

TOM enters the empty bee room. He walks in and turns around.

TOM
Mike ?!

No response.

INT. HALLWAY - MOMENTS LATER

TOM steps into the hallway and looks across it's length.

TOM
Mike ?!

No response.

TOM(CONT)
What the hell is happening, Jesus
(beat)
(screaming)
MIKE ?!

No response.

INT. THE SHIRT ROOM - MOMENTS LATER

TOM moves into the shirt room.

Empty.

INT. BATHROOM - MOMENTS LATER

TOM peers into the bathroom. Nothing.

INT. HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS

TOM
I'm getting the hell outta here

TOM marches toward the porch and goes right to ...

INT. THE SHIRT ROOM - CONTINUOUS

TOM looks around and a strangled sob of anguish escapes his
thraot. He's finally starting to actually lose it.

TOM
GOD !
(beat)
MIKE !?!?!!?, MIKE !?!?!!?

Silence.

Someone walks behind him in the hall.

He turns.

TOM(CONT)
(crazed)
Who's there ?!

TOM roars into the ...


INT. HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS

Empty.

TOM looks up and down the empty hallway. He's manic now.

TOM
(quietly)
The back door

TOM heads for the back door and promptly enters ...

INT. KITCHEN - CONTINUOUS

TOM is shocked.

TOM
No !!!!, let us out !!!!, let us out !!!!!

He rips off his backpack and begins to violently beat at the
cupboards. As he does this he makes repeated demands to be let
out. He continues assaulting the cupboard until he exhausts himself and falls to his knees.

TOM(CONT)
(panting)
When the son of a bitch, who's keeping us
here, i'm gonna cut his goddamn throat

Someone walks down the hall. TOM looks up. It's a giant hulk of
a man in tattered clothes. TOM is not even sure if it is a man.
He's too scared to move despite his words.

MICHAEL(OS)
Tom !

TOM looks around. He can no longer believe his eyes or ears.
He's not sure if that's Michael now at all despite the fact
that it's obviously his voice.

MICHAEL(CONT)(OS)
Tom !!, where are you ?!

TOM
M-Michael ?!

MICHAEL(OS)
Where are you ?!

TOM looks around.

TOM
I-i ... I'm in the kitchen !

No more response.

TOM
Mike !? .... Goddamnit answer me !

MICHAEL(OS)
Help me !

TOM moves before thinking.

He roars into ...

INT. HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS

He looks around.

TOM
Where are you ?!

No response.

TOM(CONT)
Goddamnit where are you ?!

No response.

A girl appears in the doorway.

MARY-BETH
Can i help you with somthing ?

TOM turns. Is the girl really there ?.

TOM
Who are you ?

MARY-BETH
Well Jesus you look like freshly warmed
death

TOM
What did you do with Michael ?

MARY-BETH
I haven't the foggiest idea what you're
talking about, who's Michael

TOM
Who lives here ?, who lives in this house,
answer me

MARY-BETH
You ask a lot of questions

TOM
Answer me

MARY-BETH
Sometimes, that's no good

Close on TOM. Then back to the doorway. The girl is gone.

TOM races to the front door but ...

--To Be Continued-- Enjoy !
HodderFan2004

ds_spoon
01-05-2004, 08:29 AM
hodderfan thats really good man keep it up:D

Aasiyan
01-05-2004, 11:16 AM
I don't feel like I can read fast enough. It's really great. Good Job.

HodderFan2004
01-05-2004, 08:37 PM
Thanks for the comments. Here's a little more. And only if you're nice to me will i post what happens at the end lol.
-
TOM races to the front door but ...

INT. HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS

... he's suddenly running through the back door and is now
standing where he was during the conversation with the mystery
girl.

MICHAEL(OS)
Tom !?

TOM jumps.

MICHAEL(CONT)(OS)
I'm hurt bad !

TOM
(snapping)
You're not Michael you rotten fucking son of
a bitch !

MICHAEL(OS)
Help me

TOM covers his ears.

TOM
No, no no no no nononononono!!!!!!!!

He falls to his knees.

The killer is standing in front of him.

TOM looks up.

He's speechless.

The dishelved maniac stares down at him.

TOM
Wha ... wha ... who

TOM stands.

He begins to back into the kitchen.

INT. KITCHEN - CONTINUOUS

The killer follows calmly.

TOM(CONT)
Stay the fuck away from me

TOM grabs his backpack where he dropped it early and in a rage
begins to beat on the maniac that stands before him. He's
pounding at him, grunting in a crazed rage.

TOM(CONT)
DIE ... YOU ... SON OF A BITCH !!!!

The maniac falls and TOM collapses on the floor exhausted. He
throws his backpack away. He looks at the killer.

It's MICHAEL. He's bleeding profusely from the head.

TOM(CONT)
No ... no

TOM lunges at his friend and shakes him.

TOM(CONT)
Michael !!! ... Michael wake up !!!

No response.

TOM(CONT)
Oh God I killed him

TOM stands and backs into ...

INT. HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS

... the killer. Who's now standing in the hallway. TOM turns.

TOM
Who are you

The killer reaches for TOM who moves out of the way.

TOM(CONT)
Stay there, answer my question you son of a
bitch ... who are you ?

The killer stands there.

TOM(CONT)
Answer me .... answer me

The killer moves toward TOM again. TOM backs away further.

TOM(CONT)
You made me kill Michael
(beat)
You made me kill my best friend

The killer takes another step closer.

TOM(CONT)
What is this place, who the hell are you ?

TOM backs further down the hall.

TOM(CONT)
Answer me you cocksucker

TOM backs all the way up into ...


--To Be Continued -- maybe :P

HodderFan2004

Charlie
01-05-2004, 09:29 PM
This script is good but how long is the movie going to be? doesn't seem too long, I know it's not over yet but it seems like it's over soon. I suppose when filming there is usually bits in the movie where noone talks for a while so that would add time.

LegionFilms
01-06-2004, 07:51 PM
It's made to be a short. I'll probably edit it to 24 minutes.

Charlie
01-06-2004, 08:54 PM
Thats cool then, Very interesting.

ds_spoon
01-07-2004, 08:53 AM
hope fully its quick but bloody:D

LegionFilms
01-07-2004, 02:05 PM
Originally posted by ds_spoon
hope fully its quick but bloody:D

Should be :D

ds_spoon
01-08-2004, 10:19 AM
thats good:D ^^^

HappyCamper
01-08-2004, 11:41 AM
pretty cool..i'd like to read the ending...i've written the first 30 mins of my film..if you would like to read it send me a pm with your email address. always like to read fellow horror fans work.

livin_dead_88
01-14-2004, 01:44 PM
That was way cool I would like to read the rest of it, I also wrote a play maybe i should post it, I think its good but probably not as good as yours, keep up the good work