HodderFan2004
01-02-2004, 08:21 PM
Hey folks,
Just started working on a short horror script with another forum member and we thought we'd see what you guys thought about the first couple of scenes. Feedback is greatly appreciated.
-
Copyright 2004 - Arthur R. Phillips
-
FADE IN:
EXT. ROAD - NIGHT
We are on a dark, paved road with a few houses scattered here
and there along it's length. Two hitch-hikers are standing
along the side of the road, sharing a smoke and discussing the
general absence of a ride.
Perhaps one or two vehicles go by but nobody is interested in stopping. The hitch-hikers have
with them some basic camping gear that's strapped to their
backs.
TOM
Why not ?
MICHAEL
I'm not trudging back across no goddamn
field to sleep in a fucking crackhouse, I
mean did you see that place ?
TOM
We don't have to go inside, we can sleep out
in the field
MICHAEL
And get shot by some drunken rednecks no
thank you
TOM
Don't be a fucking pussy
MICHAEL
Excuse me ?
TOM
Don't be a fucking pussy, besides, I'm
freezing my goddamn ass off
MICHAEL tosses the cigarette into a ditch and looks around.
He's hoping someone will still stop.
TOM(CONT)
Well ?
MICHAEL
Fine, we'll go back to Bates Motel, but if
some guy with a chainsaw pops out of the
woods i'm leaving your ass there
TOM
Fine
MICHAEL
(resigned)
Let's go
CUT TO:
EXT. FIELD - NIGHT - MOMENTS LATER
MICHAEL and TOM are strolling across the field, waving
flashlights back and forth. MICHAEL is particularly nervous but
TOM seems to see this as an adventure of sorts.
MICHAEL
I don't like this
TOM
You sound like my ex
MICHAEL
During sex right ?
TOM
Asshole, you've watched one too many of
those stupid horror movies that's your
problem
MICHAEL
Horror movies can teach us a lot
TOM
Like what ?
MICHAEL
Like don't go into a dark field at night
without a machete
TOM
I have a lighter
MICHAEL
Well that's great if we wanna singe the
killers eyebrows
TOM
How about you stop whining
(indicates with the flashlight)
There's the house
MICHAEL
I thought we weren't going in ?
TOM
We're not, we're camping outside
MICHAEL drops his stuff.
MICHAEL
Fine, we stop here
TOM
(dropping his pack)
You know this little road trip was your idea
not mine
MICHAEL unrolls a sleeping bag, and flops down, lighting
another cigarette. TOM stands there looking around.
MICHAEL
Looking for the axe wielding psycho ?
TOM
I heard something
MICHAEL
Probably a bear
TOM
A bear in this area ?
MICHAEL
Well okay, a deer ?
TOM
I think it came from the house
MICHAEL
Well maybe, big fucking deal, I'm sure
whatever it is doesn't need us poking our
noses around
TOM
I'm gonna go check it out
(beat)
You coming ?
MICHAEL
Fuck no
TOM
Oh c'mon for God sake
MICHAEL
No
TOM
Fine, you wait here and wait for the bears
and the deers
TOM walks off whistling.
So far, so good. I hope.
- HodderFan2004
Just started working on a short horror script with another forum member and we thought we'd see what you guys thought about the first couple of scenes. Feedback is greatly appreciated.
-
Copyright 2004 - Arthur R. Phillips
-
FADE IN:
EXT. ROAD - NIGHT
We are on a dark, paved road with a few houses scattered here
and there along it's length. Two hitch-hikers are standing
along the side of the road, sharing a smoke and discussing the
general absence of a ride.
Perhaps one or two vehicles go by but nobody is interested in stopping. The hitch-hikers have
with them some basic camping gear that's strapped to their
backs.
TOM
Why not ?
MICHAEL
I'm not trudging back across no goddamn
field to sleep in a fucking crackhouse, I
mean did you see that place ?
TOM
We don't have to go inside, we can sleep out
in the field
MICHAEL
And get shot by some drunken rednecks no
thank you
TOM
Don't be a fucking pussy
MICHAEL
Excuse me ?
TOM
Don't be a fucking pussy, besides, I'm
freezing my goddamn ass off
MICHAEL tosses the cigarette into a ditch and looks around.
He's hoping someone will still stop.
TOM(CONT)
Well ?
MICHAEL
Fine, we'll go back to Bates Motel, but if
some guy with a chainsaw pops out of the
woods i'm leaving your ass there
TOM
Fine
MICHAEL
(resigned)
Let's go
CUT TO:
EXT. FIELD - NIGHT - MOMENTS LATER
MICHAEL and TOM are strolling across the field, waving
flashlights back and forth. MICHAEL is particularly nervous but
TOM seems to see this as an adventure of sorts.
MICHAEL
I don't like this
TOM
You sound like my ex
MICHAEL
During sex right ?
TOM
Asshole, you've watched one too many of
those stupid horror movies that's your
problem
MICHAEL
Horror movies can teach us a lot
TOM
Like what ?
MICHAEL
Like don't go into a dark field at night
without a machete
TOM
I have a lighter
MICHAEL
Well that's great if we wanna singe the
killers eyebrows
TOM
How about you stop whining
(indicates with the flashlight)
There's the house
MICHAEL
I thought we weren't going in ?
TOM
We're not, we're camping outside
MICHAEL drops his stuff.
MICHAEL
Fine, we stop here
TOM
(dropping his pack)
You know this little road trip was your idea
not mine
MICHAEL unrolls a sleeping bag, and flops down, lighting
another cigarette. TOM stands there looking around.
MICHAEL
Looking for the axe wielding psycho ?
TOM
I heard something
MICHAEL
Probably a bear
TOM
A bear in this area ?
MICHAEL
Well okay, a deer ?
TOM
I think it came from the house
MICHAEL
Well maybe, big fucking deal, I'm sure
whatever it is doesn't need us poking our
noses around
TOM
I'm gonna go check it out
(beat)
You coming ?
MICHAEL
Fuck no
TOM
Oh c'mon for God sake
MICHAEL
No
TOM
Fine, you wait here and wait for the bears
and the deers
TOM walks off whistling.
So far, so good. I hope.
- HodderFan2004