Blood Ghost Haunting-The first chapter of my novel.

[bloodcreature]

This is the first chapter of my novel Blood Ghost Haunting. I'm not sure if this will be the name of the novel and this is just a draft.

Blood Ghost Haunting (http://aaronscryptofgorgothica.com/page15.html)

[Violent Messiah]

Sounds like it has potential, but I have a question: Is Tom the boss or Steve? I ask because the dialouge jumps around and in one instance Steve is the asshole boss, and then its Tom.

[bloodcreature]

I fixed the problem. I hope. I don't know how I did that. It must have been confusing indeed.

[bloodcreature]

I noticed many people have visited this thread and would like to get some feedback. I want my novel to work and feedback is crucial for me to do this.

I will never be offended by comments in any way because honesty will help more than "surgar coating" or silence. Thanks.

[Miss Olivia]

I like it, it's an interesting story. The only thing that could be better is the progression. I get the feeling the story is moving too fast, and needs a little slowdown. There are a lot of things that feel like they need more explanation. But it's good.

[bloodcreature]

Thanks for the input. I want the story to be fast paced and since it is the first chapter then I wouldn't reveal certain things. In the first chapter I wanted to introduce the creature and make the reader want more. However, I will look it over again and see what I can change.

[novakru]

I could only get so far so in reading this because it doesn't have a flow but I am not knowledgable enough to tell you exactly how and what to do about it.
I think you have a great story idea though from the little I did read.

This is how I know I am going to like a book and it's probably not the best way.. but:
I read the first page of the first chapter and if it grabs my attention,I will continue.

I agree with Miss Olivia about the pacing,It felt very rushed.


I hope this helps and I hope my post isn't taken in the wrong vein.
Good Luck:)

[bloodcreature]

It is exactly what I want by posting it here. I'm going to further develope this novel and hope the next version is better.

Thanks