The STE
05-29-2005, 07:13 PM
script for a play that me and another guy wrote, I'm adapting it into a screenplay for a short film. Still a work in progress in going from play to screenplay, but here it is
The Customer’s Always Right
By Stephen Jones
Adapted from a play by Stephen Jones and Justin Boehm
(FADE UP in the interior of a Sub Shack, a sub sandwich chain, at about 2:15 in the morning. The counter at which the sandwiches are made is at stage right. At the counter sits GRAHAM. LES is at upstage right, back to the audience, fiddling with something. The booths for the CUSTOMERs are downstage left. A CUSTOMER enters from upstage left and crosses to the counter at stage right. She purchases a sandwich and soda, waves for GRAHAM to keep the change, and crosses to downstage left and sits in a booth.)
GRAHAM
(Not taking his eyes off the CUSTOMER, leaning towards LES) LES, come here.
LES
(continuing with what he’s doing) I’m busy.
GRAHAM
Seriously, we’ve got a problem.
LES
Ah, fer Chriss sake, (turns to GRAHAM) what?
GRAHAM
(points with chin to the CUSTOMER) Look.
LES
(turns, looks at CUSTOMER) Ah, what the f-
GRAHAM
(pulls LES towards him by the shirt) We can’t leave with her here.
LES
(straightening his shirt) Well, we can’t stay here.
GRAHAM
I know. So what do you want to do about this.
LES
(leaning on the counter) Let’s just one of us leave with the money.
GRAHAM
Great, which one?
LES
How about you?
GRAHAM
Ye-no. If I leave early it’ll implicate you. It’ll just look stupid for both of us if I turn up and take the blame for it after that.
LES
Why?
GRAHAM
Wouldn’t you notice that the register is empty if it were me that took the money?
LES
Oh, right. (Runs a hand through his hair) Okay, I’ll leave.
GRAHAM
Bugger that, you’ve got to close up.
LES
Can’t you close?
GRAHAM
No. If I close then I’ll have to open up tomorrow.
LES
Great. So we wait it out.
GRAHAM
(Putting his head in his hands, leaning on the counter) Perfect. I mean, who the crap stays in the place at 2:15 in the morning?
LES
(points to her indiscreetly) She’s up to something.
GRAHAM
(pulling LES’ arm down) Idiot, we’re up to something. And don’t point at her, it makes you look suspicious.
LES
Okay, then why is she here?
GRAHAM
How should I know? All I know is that nobody eats in the place at this hour. The people come in, buy the food and leave. They don’t stick around, so we, the employees, don’t have to work, or even keep up the appearance of working.
LES
Unless they’re up to something.
GRAHAM
(whispering angrily) She’s not- (catching himself, calming down), she’s not up to anything.
LES
If you say so. (under his breath) Still say she’s up to something.
GRAHAM
Did you empty the safe?
LES
I was gonna.
(GRAHAM stares at LES)
LES
Alright, I’m going.
(LES goes upstage right, crouches down)
GRAHAM
Bullocks.
(GRAHAM crosses his arms on the counter and puts his head down. TIM enters from upstage left)
TIM
Hey, Graham, whe-
GRAHAM
(not lifting his head up) He’s in the back.
(TIM crosses to upstage right, behind the counter, glancing at the CUSTOMER at downstage left. For about 2 seconds, nothing happens. Then, LES and TIM cross from upstage right to downstage right, behind the counter)
LES
I’ll have some better stuff next week. I won’t have to cut as much. I’ve just (coughs) come into some money.
(GRAHAM and LES exchange glances)
TIM
(motions to the CUSTOMER at downstage left) Hey, what’s with her?
LES
(shrugs) Who knows?
TIM
I mean, who stays in the joint at this Time o’ night?
GRAHAM
(still with head down) Thank you!
LES
She’s up to something.
TIM
Yeah, obviously.
GRAHAM
(still with head down) NOT up to anything.
TIM
(shrugs and pats at his pockets) Hey, man, I gotta split.
LES
Alright.
(LES and TIM slap palms, TIM crosses backwards to upstage left)
TIM
(as he crosses, pointing to GRAHAM) I’ll catch you later, man.
GRAHAM
No you won’t.
(TIM laughs and shakes his head, turns, and exits upstage left)
LES
(staring at upstage left) So, you’re really taking the wrap for this, huh?
GRAHAM
(picking his head up at last) You got a better way for me to get fired?
LES
(turns to GRAHAM) Why don’t you just quit?
GRAHAM
Oh, don’t be so wet. I already told you, if I quit, then I quit the program at school, and I can’t reapply. If I get fired, I can apply again and get a different job.
LES
So you steal from the register?
GRAHAM
At least I’m not doing it to buy drugs.
LES
Hey, I’m selling them right back.
GRAHAM
(sarcastically, spinning his finger in the air) Whoopie.
LES
Hey, thi-
(a CUSTOMER enters at upstage left)
CUSTOMER1
You guys open?
GRAHAM
Yeah.
(CUSTOMER crosses to counter, briefly glancing at the CUSTOMER at downstage left as he passes)
GRAHAM
What can I get you?
CUSTOMER1
(Motioning towards stage left) Change for the cigarette machine out front. (Hands GRAHAM some money)
GRAHAM
Sub Shack doesn’t make change, you have to buy something.
CUSTOMER1
But the food here sucks.
LES
(muttering) Tell me about it.
(GRAHAM elbows LES)
GRAHAM
(Rolling his eyes, monotonous and sarcastic) Sir, Sub Shack offers a fine variety of pre-packaged, Brand name style chips and soft drinks. If our food is unsatisfactory, might I suggest you try one of those.
CUSTOMER1
All I want is change.
GRAHAM
(obstinately) Bugger off, then. Go down to Harry’s Burger Depot if you want change so bad.
CUSTOMER1
Fine. (Crosses to upstage left) And I’m never coming here again!
(CUSTOMER exits)
LES
(sarcastically) Weep, sob.
GRAHAM
Okay, where were we?
LES
Oh, yeah. I can’t afford to quit or get fired. I’m only selling this stuff until I can afford to quit this job and get a better one.
(CUSTOMER crosses from downstage left to counter)
GRAHAM
(under his breath) Shhh, act natural.
LES
What?
MAIN CUSTOMER
You guys give free refills?
LES
(Cheerily) Yes. (Face faults, realizing what he just said)
(She hands them her cup. As they refill it, the CUSTOMER glances around, behind the counter, and towards upstage right)
GRAHAM
(Handing her the cup) Here ya go.
MAIN CUSTOMER (Quickly facing GRAHAM) Thanks.
The Customer’s Always Right
By Stephen Jones
Adapted from a play by Stephen Jones and Justin Boehm
(FADE UP in the interior of a Sub Shack, a sub sandwich chain, at about 2:15 in the morning. The counter at which the sandwiches are made is at stage right. At the counter sits GRAHAM. LES is at upstage right, back to the audience, fiddling with something. The booths for the CUSTOMERs are downstage left. A CUSTOMER enters from upstage left and crosses to the counter at stage right. She purchases a sandwich and soda, waves for GRAHAM to keep the change, and crosses to downstage left and sits in a booth.)
GRAHAM
(Not taking his eyes off the CUSTOMER, leaning towards LES) LES, come here.
LES
(continuing with what he’s doing) I’m busy.
GRAHAM
Seriously, we’ve got a problem.
LES
Ah, fer Chriss sake, (turns to GRAHAM) what?
GRAHAM
(points with chin to the CUSTOMER) Look.
LES
(turns, looks at CUSTOMER) Ah, what the f-
GRAHAM
(pulls LES towards him by the shirt) We can’t leave with her here.
LES
(straightening his shirt) Well, we can’t stay here.
GRAHAM
I know. So what do you want to do about this.
LES
(leaning on the counter) Let’s just one of us leave with the money.
GRAHAM
Great, which one?
LES
How about you?
GRAHAM
Ye-no. If I leave early it’ll implicate you. It’ll just look stupid for both of us if I turn up and take the blame for it after that.
LES
Why?
GRAHAM
Wouldn’t you notice that the register is empty if it were me that took the money?
LES
Oh, right. (Runs a hand through his hair) Okay, I’ll leave.
GRAHAM
Bugger that, you’ve got to close up.
LES
Can’t you close?
GRAHAM
No. If I close then I’ll have to open up tomorrow.
LES
Great. So we wait it out.
GRAHAM
(Putting his head in his hands, leaning on the counter) Perfect. I mean, who the crap stays in the place at 2:15 in the morning?
LES
(points to her indiscreetly) She’s up to something.
GRAHAM
(pulling LES’ arm down) Idiot, we’re up to something. And don’t point at her, it makes you look suspicious.
LES
Okay, then why is she here?
GRAHAM
How should I know? All I know is that nobody eats in the place at this hour. The people come in, buy the food and leave. They don’t stick around, so we, the employees, don’t have to work, or even keep up the appearance of working.
LES
Unless they’re up to something.
GRAHAM
(whispering angrily) She’s not- (catching himself, calming down), she’s not up to anything.
LES
If you say so. (under his breath) Still say she’s up to something.
GRAHAM
Did you empty the safe?
LES
I was gonna.
(GRAHAM stares at LES)
LES
Alright, I’m going.
(LES goes upstage right, crouches down)
GRAHAM
Bullocks.
(GRAHAM crosses his arms on the counter and puts his head down. TIM enters from upstage left)
TIM
Hey, Graham, whe-
GRAHAM
(not lifting his head up) He’s in the back.
(TIM crosses to upstage right, behind the counter, glancing at the CUSTOMER at downstage left. For about 2 seconds, nothing happens. Then, LES and TIM cross from upstage right to downstage right, behind the counter)
LES
I’ll have some better stuff next week. I won’t have to cut as much. I’ve just (coughs) come into some money.
(GRAHAM and LES exchange glances)
TIM
(motions to the CUSTOMER at downstage left) Hey, what’s with her?
LES
(shrugs) Who knows?
TIM
I mean, who stays in the joint at this Time o’ night?
GRAHAM
(still with head down) Thank you!
LES
She’s up to something.
TIM
Yeah, obviously.
GRAHAM
(still with head down) NOT up to anything.
TIM
(shrugs and pats at his pockets) Hey, man, I gotta split.
LES
Alright.
(LES and TIM slap palms, TIM crosses backwards to upstage left)
TIM
(as he crosses, pointing to GRAHAM) I’ll catch you later, man.
GRAHAM
No you won’t.
(TIM laughs and shakes his head, turns, and exits upstage left)
LES
(staring at upstage left) So, you’re really taking the wrap for this, huh?
GRAHAM
(picking his head up at last) You got a better way for me to get fired?
LES
(turns to GRAHAM) Why don’t you just quit?
GRAHAM
Oh, don’t be so wet. I already told you, if I quit, then I quit the program at school, and I can’t reapply. If I get fired, I can apply again and get a different job.
LES
So you steal from the register?
GRAHAM
At least I’m not doing it to buy drugs.
LES
Hey, I’m selling them right back.
GRAHAM
(sarcastically, spinning his finger in the air) Whoopie.
LES
Hey, thi-
(a CUSTOMER enters at upstage left)
CUSTOMER1
You guys open?
GRAHAM
Yeah.
(CUSTOMER crosses to counter, briefly glancing at the CUSTOMER at downstage left as he passes)
GRAHAM
What can I get you?
CUSTOMER1
(Motioning towards stage left) Change for the cigarette machine out front. (Hands GRAHAM some money)
GRAHAM
Sub Shack doesn’t make change, you have to buy something.
CUSTOMER1
But the food here sucks.
LES
(muttering) Tell me about it.
(GRAHAM elbows LES)
GRAHAM
(Rolling his eyes, monotonous and sarcastic) Sir, Sub Shack offers a fine variety of pre-packaged, Brand name style chips and soft drinks. If our food is unsatisfactory, might I suggest you try one of those.
CUSTOMER1
All I want is change.
GRAHAM
(obstinately) Bugger off, then. Go down to Harry’s Burger Depot if you want change so bad.
CUSTOMER1
Fine. (Crosses to upstage left) And I’m never coming here again!
(CUSTOMER exits)
LES
(sarcastically) Weep, sob.
GRAHAM
Okay, where were we?
LES
Oh, yeah. I can’t afford to quit or get fired. I’m only selling this stuff until I can afford to quit this job and get a better one.
(CUSTOMER crosses from downstage left to counter)
GRAHAM
(under his breath) Shhh, act natural.
LES
What?
MAIN CUSTOMER
You guys give free refills?
LES
(Cheerily) Yes. (Face faults, realizing what he just said)
(She hands them her cup. As they refill it, the CUSTOMER glances around, behind the counter, and towards upstage right)
GRAHAM
(Handing her the cup) Here ya go.
MAIN CUSTOMER (Quickly facing GRAHAM) Thanks.